Aunt Laya

Have you seen my website lately?

2011-11-07T18:38:00.002+02:00

I've been putting a lot of energy into leveling up my website.

www.auntlaya.com

Lots of blog posts there, fun videos, and resources.

There is still a lot to read here with many posts to explore.

I'll keep posting here, but do come by the website for more from me.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Why is this happening to me?

2011-10-10T11:36:00.001+02:00

Even the hard things in life are gifts to help us grow and shape us.

I heard something wonderful, a golden nugget:

Instead of asking "Why is this happening to me?"

Ask: "Why is this happening for me?"

Yes, everything will be a benefit in the end. If you don't see that now, it's not the end!

Love,
Aunt Laya

with gratitude to morguefile.com and cohdra for the wonderful photo

New Blog!

2011-05-26T15:29:00.000+03:00

Hi everyone!

I just started a new blog and I'd like to invite you to come on over for a visit. It's all about running a home and creating a home of peace and beauty. From the kitchen to the garden I'll share my good finds with you. It may take a while but I don't believe in keeping my recipes secret, I'll share all.

Here's the new blog address:
http://pearlsforhome.blogspot.com/

I'll keep posting here about your inner environment, your heart and thoughts will still find inspiration here.

See you there!
Love,
Aunt Laya

Joy

2011-04-06T14:04:00.000+03:00

"And the way to sing the song of joy
is by seeking the good in all people,
especially in our selves.
Each good point is one more note in the song of life."

~Rebbe Nachman of Breslov

Thank you to morguefile.com and Scott Liddell for the perfectly amazing photo

Connect with me on Facebook

2011-04-06T13:49:00.000+03:00

Did you know that we can connect with Facebook? I send out inspiring notes and quotes and I'll usually let you know when there's a new blog. You can find my Facebook page by clicking here: http://bit.ly/auntlaya then click the "like" button.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Sexually Active--choices, (not just for teens)

2011-04-03T11:03:00.000+03:00

This is a PostSecret postcard from Sunday, April 3, 2011

How many people wish they could go back in time and tell themselves something? Lots of people would do things differently if they could go back in time, while others have no regrets since their past choices got them to where they are today.

Here's the piece that some people don't get (yet): You may not get to go back in time to change things, but just because the past is what it is, does not mean you are stuck in that past right now. You have the power of choice to create the you of right now.

You can change your mind.

You can change your attitude.

You can change your clothes.

You can change your goals.

You may redefine what is important to you in any moment.

You are a living, breathing being and your opportunity to blossom into the best you is fresh with each breath. Ready? Set? Be true to you! (Even if it means surprising people. Even if it means surprising yourself.)

Change means stepping out of what is familiar. That's OK, you are not alone. You can change and change again. Experiment with saying "no" when you mean "no" and see what happens inside over time.

I practice what I preach and this week I deepened my commitment to pay attention to the way I speak (or hopefully don't speak: no gossip).

There is true power in self restraint (that serves you in positive ways).

Pick some thing in your life that you wish you could change. Be true and honest because no one else is in on this. Then take the risk of doing something simple, especially if it's hard for you to think of doing. Take heart. You CAN do this.

Love,

Aunt Laya

Love and Belonging

2011-03-24T18:57:00.000+02:00

“You are imperfect,

and you are wired for struggle,

but you are worthy of love and belonging.”

~Brene Brown

Humor

2011-03-08T14:04:00.001+02:00

Are you smiling enough?

One of my favorite quotes is "You see what you look for."

So, what is it that you would like more of in your life??

Here are a few jokes I found and wanted to share. Please post a (clean) joke you like (even if you think it's an old one we've all heard before!!) in the comments section below.

Super Granny

An elderly lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice, "I have a gun and I know how to use it!

Get out of the car you dirty rotten scoundrels!"

The four men didn't wait for a second invitation but got out and ran like mad, whereupon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat.

She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried and then it dawned on her why. A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station.

The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad elderly woman described as white, less than 5' tall, glasses, and curly white hair carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed.
(True story!)

(found at http://www.cleanjoke.com/humor/Super-Granny.html)

Area 51

You've heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.

The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.

By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.

The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane... only this time there were two people in the plane.

The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!"

(found at http://www.jokesclean.com/Flying/)

Cheap Therapy

Joan went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," she said, "I've got big troubles. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. Am I going crazy?"
"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink, "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"A hundred dollars per visit."
"I'll sleep on it," said Joan. six months later the doctor met Joan on the street.
"Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.

"For a hundred bucks a visit? No way! Instead, I went on one of those 'Dude Ranch' vacations, and an old cowboy cured me for the price of a bottle of whiskey."

"Is that so! How?"
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!
Ain't nobody under there now!!!"
(found at http://www.danggoodjokes.com/cheap-therapy/)

Keep smiling. I hope you'll share a joke in the comments below...

Love,

Aunt Laya

Thank you to morguefile.com, pietervleu and gracey for the happy photos!

Dream on

2011-03-03T20:05:00.000+02:00

What are your dreams? Are you moving in the direction of your dreams?

I knew a guy who loved Rock 'n Roll. He was in a band that was popular in the clubs on Sunset Strip in Los Angeles. His band recorded an album. Then they filmed a music video that closed Sunset Boulevard for the night. I asked him if that was his dream come true. He said yes.

His band never went any further. Outside of the locals that knew about it, no one's even heard of the band. Does that mean he never "made it"? He had that dream come true. As he grew as a person, new ideas about how he wanted to build his life became important. He has gone on to touch lives in a meaningful way. He's "made it." Only it just looks different than he expected.

Someone shared something about prayer that I thought was pretty wonderful. When you ask God for something there are three possible answers: "Yes", "Not yet", and "I have something better for you!"

When things don't work out as you originally hoped, planned, and prayed, never lose heart! It could just be that there is more that needs to ripen, and it could be that there's really something better for you.

Keep taking the steps to create what you want in life. Even little steps that feel too easy are great! They move you forward. Lots of little, easy-shmeasy steps add up. One, and then another.

It starts in your thoughts and heart, you dream, then you take action. You can do this!

Love,
Aunt Laya

Caterpillar Soup

2011-03-03T19:26:00.001+02:00

This is not a recipe!!!

Well, it’s not a recipe for something to eat.

We all know that caterpillars turn into butterflies, right? We know they spin a cocoon and then, some time later out pops a butterfly. But what’s happening inside the cocoon?

Once the caterpillar is snug in his cocoon, his entire body breaks down. It becomes a kind of a glob of liquidy “soup” that would not look like anything to us, much less a butterfly. Then, when all looks lost, a few cells, called imaginal cells spark the process that will turn that soup into a butterfly. The process has begun and the butterfly is formed!

It can be just like that for us humans in a way too. Sometimes it feels like life is breaking down all around you and things seem like they are all a mess. That is when you can remember that you are simply in your caterpillar soup!

Trust that the down times will not last, things will shift. Let the “imaginal cells” of your mind spark the visions of the good this world has for you (even if you can’t seem to find it right now).

Love,

Aunt Laya

With gratitude to morguefile.com and users xandert and jusben for the really great photos!

What you can do about Bullies

2011-01-07T11:15:00.000+02:00

Bullying is one of the terrible, difficult things about life. That's why you don't see any adults wishing they could go back in time to when they were teenagers when bullying is the worst. But bullying is not limited to young adults; anyone can experience the terror of a bully. The first thing to know is that "This too shall pass". That may not help so much in the moment it's happening, but this situation will change.

Understand that you do not have to continue to endure terrible suffering from a bully. Life will always have its challenges. Life, with all it’s good and hard parts will never be the fairytale fantasy, and that said, you can change suffering by changing yourself on the inside and/or changing your environment on the outside. Here is what I have to offer, but if you cannot do this on your own, please, please, ask for help. It’s OK to ask for help. ♥

The next thing to know is that people who bully or do mean things are people who are in pain. Nobody who feels good about him or her self could be cruel. No matter what they say, they can't feel good hurting others; it's a counterfeit attempt at trying to feel better about themselves. You know that “you can’t be taller by stepping on someone else.” Bullies havn’t figured that out.

A friend of mine went to her high school reunion and a woman came running up to her to hug her. My friend backed away and said, "Why are you so happy to see me? You were the meanest bully and you were so cruel to me!" The other woman said, "I wanted to see you so I could apologize. I was being abused at home and I took it out on you. I'm so sorry." Can you imagine? After 20 years!!

Here are a few of the basic tips for dealing with bullies:

Avoid the bully if you can
Ignore the bully
Stand tall in who you are (Thank God you're not her!)
Be sure that if there is a dangerous behavior that you ask for help until you get the help you need

Here are some tools you can experiment with, any one of them could bring you the change you want or try them all:

One wonderful and comforting thing to do is to picture yourself in bubble of light, what ever color brings you comfort. See all the angels that are around you at your service to comfort and protect and heal you. There is a place within you—the truest essence of who you are—that no one, I mean NO one, can touch, no matter what. The essence of you is always protected and pure. The essence of you holds its value no matter what else happens. You are filled, surrounded and protected by love in every moment, whether you are aware of it or not. You can plug into the awareness and receive the comfort any time you want.

An inner process that is very powerful is to “return what isn’t yours.” If you go to a store and they sold you something that you didn’t want or is broken, you can return it to the store. If you get a gift that you don’t like, you can give it away or toss it in the trash. Think of the mean things people say as spam, put it into the spam box and “Delete forever.” Here’s one way you can do that:

Imagine that you could go into your heart where all the hurts are stored. (Cruelty, insults, mean looks, even abuse, anything that ever hurt you!)
Imagine what those hurts look like.
Now imagine that you give all those hurts back to the people to gave them to you in the first place! It’s their problem to deal with it, not yours. Take your time with this one. Give them back in your mind’s eye and in your heart’s feelings until your heart is clear and clean.

Another very gentle yet powerful action you can take is to pray! Talk with God and ask for the bullying to stop. Ask for help so that you can respond in a strong and good way. (Stay awake to the different forms for the way that help can arrive.) Ask for an outcome that includes peace inside and out. Be as detailed as you can about the outcome you want and the feelings you want to feel. Then know that there are wonderful possibilities that exist to get you there that you haven’t even thought of.

This next idea may be the hardest thing of all that I am suggesting but it is also very powerful! Here’s where I’ve written about it in detail (I’m already writing a book here!)

http://auntlaya.blogspot.com/2008/01/when-people-make-you-mad-and-frustrated.html

If any of this is helpful, here are some more things from my heart to yours.

http://auntlaya.blogspot.com/search?q=blessing

Now, there is one more thing I want to share with you. Every difficult experience comes with a lesson and a gift. I can’t say what it is for sure though helping you grow stronger in your own compassion is something a lot of people get out of these kinds of situations. You may not recognize the gift in this for years, but it’s there for sure. Everything that you experience is preparation for the life you will build for yourself in your future. You can probably understand that to some degree if you look at your life from when you were younger. Being awake to the gifts and lessons make all of life even more meaningful.

Hang in there. You’re not alone.

Love,

Aunt Laya

P.S. Dear Bullies who read this: You can ask for help too! All the tools above are available for your growth, too. You can do this!

Thank you to Morguefile.com and Matthew Hull for the great photo.

It's there even if you can't see it

2010-12-24T07:52:00.001+02:00

An interesting thing happened one morning when I was picking figs for breakfast...

This summer I spent many mornings eating breakfast at my fig tree. Divine! The interesting thing about a fig tree, is that the figs don't all ripen at once. New fruits come out each day as the older fruits are ripening. When eating straight from the tree, the trick is to find them ripe enough, but not too ripe.

One morning I saw the perfect fig. I knew it would be a taste of Heaven. I moved in close between the branches and leaves. As I got closer, it just disappeared! How could it be? I moved out again and saw it. So I knew that when I moved in closer, something blocked my view as it seemed to disappear. What a metaphor for our goals and dreams in life.

You may know clearly what your goals and dreams are. You may be taking action in the direction of your goals and dreams. Then, as you think you are moving closer, all signs of actualizing it seem to disappear.

Take heart!

Just because you don't see your goal as close as you thought you were to it, does not mean your heart's desire is not there.

Try changing your perspective, move about (in thoughts or actions or both). You'll see it, maybe closer than you thought!

Love,

Aunt Laya

Photo by me one morning at breakfast. :-)

With gratitude to the Creator of figs, cameras, and all of life!

Are you smiling yet??

2010-11-21T07:34:00.000+02:00

I was feeling pretty crabby the other day. I know very well that I have choices about my mood. I know that if we change our perception of something, or our actions, we can transform our lives. So there I was, doing the dishes and feeling crabby but knowing I didn't have to stay that way. I was talking to my daughter and suggested that we start dancing. She thought I was nuts. Not the first time I've been accused of that. When my husband got home, well, he married me, so we danced around the house for a minute. Just long enough to crack ourselves up and get back to life.

The next morning we were talking and I said something that cracked him up and after decades, I remembered a song from a movie from when I was a kid.

People, there are times when you need to grieve the hard stuff. There are times when you need to take action toward your dreams. And there are times--probably most all the time--when the attitude of gratitude will lift you up. You need to keep a sense of humor no matter what is happening. So, here's a little reminder that helped me the other day and I hope it will bring a smile to your face. The smile will bring you up. Maybe not literally like in this clip, but in your heart where it really matters most.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Best Teen Gifts for Guys and Girls

2010-11-16T08:33:00.001+02:00

Holiday Season Already??

Wow, it's that time of year again--the gift giving season. You always want to give and get gifts you'll like but it's not always so simple. I found this great list that was put together over at Radical Parenting so here's a link for you. It's a great and varied list. I'm not sure why my book isn't on the list, I guess they just assumed that people must have it already. J

Just in case you don't have "the book", here's a link.

http://tinyurl.com/5j6zow

If you can't afford to buy this book and you want to read it, please email me and I will email you back with a link to download the book. Please don't be bashful. I'd rather you read it than not! <3 <3 <3

And here's a link to the great gift ideas for teens from the Radical Parenting. If you haven't been to their site before, look around; there is lots to read there too.

Love,

Aunt Laya

Quote for the hard times

2010-10-11T09:04:00.000+02:00

If you're going through hell,

keep going.

~Winston Churchill

Thanks to Katy who I met on Facebook for the great quote!

Thanks to Imelenchon and morguefile.com for the photo.

You Are Not a Fly

2010-08-24T01:02:00.000+03:00

I know the sound isn't that great, I'm still learning about movie making. :-)

Love,
Aunt Laya

The Secret to Staying Positive

2010-08-12T00:30:00.003+03:00

Write your questions, then post them where you'll see them!

Your brain is a brilliant resource! The trick is to engage your brain in a way that will give you the results you want! Like if you want to be happy you have to give your brain the right direction.

When you ask yourself a question, your mind will search for an answer. It's human nature. So if you flub up and then say (Heaven forbid!!) to yourself, "Why am I such an !d!0t?" Your mind will rush to answer that question--confirming and strengthening an idea that's not so good. But wait! This principle works for the good too! Ask yourself, "What small thing can I do to move in the direction of my dreams?" and your mind will give you some answers. Good news, right? Now we just have to figure out the best questions to ask so that we get the answers that will build us in ways that are positive. Here are some ideas that come to mind, and as always, I'd love to hear your ideas (leave a comment and help others who read this post).

What can I do that will support my health?
Who do I love?/Who loves me? (Try this as you're going to sleep and think of the names of people who love you/who you love starting with A all the way to Z)
What is my intuition telling me about ______?
Who do I need to forgive? (Then, do the forgiving, or at least "pretend" to forgive to start your own inner healing.)
What am I grateful for?

Here are the questions I have posted on my fridge:

How can I transform & elevate the meaning that I am giving to this action?
How can i do what I'm about to do in an elevated way?
Who will this benefit? (these questions are from a podcast by R. Zelig Pliskin)
What am I living for?
How am I going to get there? (these questions are from R. Noach Weinberg)

For a long time I just had some questions on a sticky note, but in a moment of inspiration, I got out some craft supplies and had some fun making a bright, bold paper so I'll ask myself these questions more often and with strong intention.

So, what are the questions you ask yourself, or your kids, or your spouse, or employees, or...?

Love,
Aunt Laya

Prostitution

2010-08-09T00:03:00.000+03:00

The very word conjures up such a variety of thoughts and emotions. I used to think that any woman who would get involved as a prostitute must either have been terribly abused or a drug addict. Only I have another understanding that I feel must be shared with you, dear readers.

Perhaps you know that there is a slave trade that is alive and well in the world today. And a huge portion of that slave trade, called "trafficking," consists of girls who are kidnapped--misled and stolen. This is a grievous pain for all of humanity. I want to encourage you to become aware of this problem for a number of reasons.

Here is a place to begin to understand the issue: http://www.thea21campaign.org Watch the videos and explore the site to find ways you can make a difference.

I believe that every simple, heartfelt prayer makes a difference. Perhaps you'll share this post and open awareness of this issue to your circle of people, your "tribe." Perhaps you'll shop here: http://www.nightlightinternational.com where jewelry is made by women who have been rescued.

Above all, if you happen to pass by a red light district, if you happen to see prostitutes on a street corner, do not judge her. Say a prayer for her well being and her rescue. It is hard to conceive of the millions who are battered slaves, but if you can bless the one, maybe participate in her well being through A21, we will make a difference.

Like the snowflake that alone weigh nothing but when they are all together can break the branch of a tree, we can stand together for what is righteous and just.

Please tweet this and share in any way you can. We really can make a difference.

Love,

Aunt Laya

How to Deal with Suffering in Life, Part 1

2010-06-22T19:39:00.001+03:00

Dear Aunt Laya,

…reading your words brought much needed comfort to my heart and soul. Thank You. I have one question: Why does a person have to suffer so much in this life?…I have had to deal with so much suffering, ...so much. Why? I stay happy. I live in joy. I give unconditionally to others. I do my very best each and every day. Yet awful things still happen. Hoping you can send some much needed light into this question for me.

Many blessings for all you are doing to help others,

~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~

Dearest Reader,

Thank you so much for writing me, it means the world to me to know that the words from my heart have touched you in a way that brings you comfort.

The question you ask, “Why does a person have to suffer so much in this life?” has been asked for millennium. Before I even begin to share my simple understanding, know that there is no one answer, and I could never answer this deep question fully. My hope is that maybe some piece of my answer will bring some portion of peace and hope to help us get through the harder trials in life.

So, to touch into this most difficult question begins the simplest answer, the least satisfying of all (that no man or woman will ever fully grasp): There is a bigger picture and we cannot know from our limited human perspective what that is!

Each of us is a soul, created for a Divine mission and purpose. We do not have access to the “whole picture” of the soul, its journey, or why she is here in this earthly experience. From a broader, Heavenly perspective, there is purpose and meaning to each and every breath we take. We think we can understand some of it, but then, we have the hardest of times, loss, change, or upheaval and it can feel like life is crashing in on us.

An oyster is a small shellfish. One grain of sand enters the shell. We know how annoying a small pebble that slipped into our shoe can feel; now imagine that this delicate fish is subjected to sharp pain against its small, tender flesh. The nature of an oyster is such that when it feels that rough grain of sand, it secretes a substance to coat the offending source of pain. It coats and coats and coats until the surface is smooth: a pearl is created. From pain and hurt, is created a beautiful gem: the pearl.

This life, though full of pleasures and delights to be sure, is also full of pains and disappointments. We live in illusion of what we think life “should” be, then we are disillusioned and disappointed as we see that life does not fit our perspective.

Yet, everything, everything that we experience has meaning and purpose. Every life experience holds rich gifts for us to cash in on if we stay awake and aware, or conscious, to what we are experiencing. Each trial or pain comes with a gift of its own—an insight, deeper compassion or understanding or wisdom, and it is our job to find the pearl and treasure it.

It is at this point that our personal power comes in. We may not be able to control what happens around us, and most likely we cannot for much that goes on in and around our lives. We may, however, control the way in which we see things and the actions and reactions we choose as a response.

This is what builds us, and this is how we build ourselves.

Over the coming weeks, (and in this ezine and blog) I’ll be writing more about this. In the meantime, keep shining!

Love,

Aunt Laya

With gratitude to kconnors and Morguefile.com for the beautiful photo

Staying connected

2010-05-27T23:24:00.000+03:00

Welcome to all the mom's from Ellen's Online Parenting Retreat. If you're here to sign up for my e-newsletter please just click here and I'll be happy to stay in touch with you! And if you're a regular and you didn't know about the e-newsletter (or ezine), it would be great to connect with you that way too!

Quote for the day:

"The greatest problem of communication

is the illusion that it has been accomplished."

~George Bernard Shaw

Love,

Aunt Laya

Online Parenting Retreat for Moms

2010-05-13T19:14:00.001+03:00

I'm really excited to share that later this month I'm presenting at an online event for moms. And you can attend any or all of the workshops for free, or, you can sign up and receive a whole bunch of bonuses, recordings of every single workshop (and transcripts if reading is easier) and chances to to win spa products!

Click here to view more details

Not only am I presenting one of the workshops, I plan on attending, the list of speakers and topics is awesome! I'd love to hear from you if you will be at my workshop (not all the presenters are up on the website yet, so if you don't see me, don't worry).

My workshop will be Thursday night, May 27 at 11 PM EST.

But you don't have to leave home to connect. It's all online. Please be sure to write down the information about my workshop and make sure you "translate" the time into your correct time zone so you can be there with me live!

Here's my workshop info:

“Transforming Tough Times into Triumph“

~Real tools you can use right now~

Your Host: Laya Saul, author of the award winning, inspirational book,

“You Don’t Have to Learn Everything the Hard Way”

“If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” Everyone has challenges in life but just because things feel hard now doesn’t mean you are stuck. “Aunt” Laya will show you how to get unstuck and move into healing, comfort, and joy. This workshop is not theory; it is practical information and useful tools you can start using right now!

Learn the two keys to the power of transformation
Easy to use tools to shift from bummed to brilliant
Simple “how to” to use mind, body, and emotions to lift your spirits

Click here to view more details

I hope to "see" you there!

Love,

Aunt Laya

Life on Fire

2010-05-09T15:47:00.000+03:00

Did you see the movie Avatar?

Remember the scene where the main character, Jake Sully, goes from his paralyzed, wheelchair-bound body, into a healthy, strong Navi body and walks for the first time? Remember the overwhelming joy he showed as he moved his legs, stood up, stumbled, walked and then ran?

What if we felt that kind of joy every single morning when we wake up? Like, "Whoa, look at this body I'm in... I can see, I can smell, I can move, I can taste..." Even as we stumble about, a flood of gratitude and delight every morning at another day--the miracle of life--the gift of life--the gift of more time. Even when facing trials and tribulations, it's a gift to be able to take the challenge.

Living up to your potential is not about "accomplishing". Being the best you is not about being perfect. Success in life is not measured by what you produce. Think about the people you love the most in your life. You don't love them based on how much money they make, how much they weigh, what grades they got in school or if they even went to school!

What are the qualities of the people you love the most? Are they kind? Generous? Gentle? Strong? What if you let yourself take an inventory of the positive qualities you have? What if, when you wake up each morning, you allow yourself to see what is right and good in your life? Then, even just a little bit at a time, beyond pain, beyond fear, and beyond doubt, let those gifts lift you.

Experiment with this simple yet powerful mental shift and let me know how it goes.
Love,
Laya

Thanks to Clarita via Morguefile.com

When the Past Haunts You

2010-04-07T19:21:00.001+03:00

Someone asked this question, we all have to deal with the past so here's my response...

Why does the past always have to come back and make you suffer in the present? Is the past always going to be coming back to you? Does your past always haunt you for the rest of your life? Will your past ever stay in the past?

Sweet Girl,

These are such big questions. There are several layers to all of this.

First of all, all of life has purpose and meaning. Sometimes we get the wrong idea that we’re supposed to live happily ever after. We are supposed to enjoy the gift of life, but it’s not like in the movies—like you solve one challenge and then you’re free to have fun. We do get fun, but we’ll always have the next test too. It’s just part of what makes up this crazy and wonderful life. We’re supposed to grow, and the tests we come up against actually shape us to be better and better. The issue is the way we meet the tests. But then, you knew this, right? ☺

There are different ways the past comes into the present. If it is through the memory of past events, you can change your thinking to leave the past in the past. There are different ways to do this—it could be that time heals it or it could be that you learn how to release memories that don’t serve you.

If you find that the past is repeating, then you have a whole other challenge to find out what is going on: what do you need to learn? Here’s a little example: let’s say someone puts a raw egg on the table and it rolls off, falls on the floor, and then breaks. If she keeps putting another egg in the same place, it will always roll off. She has to learn that she either needs to put the egg in something that won’t roll, or put the egg somewhere else. Lessons will keep repeating until we change. We have to change the way we react to things.

The thing about bad memories of the past is that you can actually change the way you relate to them. You can send the images that haunt you in your mind’s eye away when they come up, or you can take the you that is in that memory and make that younger part of you safe right now. Do not under estimate the power of imagination.

Be gentle with yourself and be sure you are surrounding yourself with kindness and strong boundaries. This too shall pass as you grow in life experience. We all fall on our faces and then we just have to get up one more time. I know you’ll rise! Big, big hugs!

Love,

Aunt Laya

read this!

2010-03-28T09:32:00.001+03:00

Freedom to Choose

2010-03-08T09:39:00.001+02:00

This is an **amazing** video about a program called "Freedom to Choose" that was brought to a maximum security prison for women by the University of Santa Monica. The story speaks for itself. I hope you'll be as inspired as I am.

Click here to watch

or copy and past this link

http://vimeo.com/1361424

love,
Aunt Laya

The Butterfly Effect: You Matter

2010-02-23T06:11:00.000+02:00

Have you heard of the "Butterfly Effect"? It's a theory, or a law of nature, that suggests if a butterfly flaps its wings in one part of the world, that a tornado could come of it in another part of the world. That means, you have no idea what small thing you'll do will change the face of history. You matter, and everything you do matters! I enjoyed this (three part) video and hope you do too.
Love,
Aunt Laya

More of the good in life

2010-02-11T14:02:00.000+02:00

You've got to accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
And latch on to the affirmative
Don't mess with Mister In-Between

You've got to spread joy up to the maximum
Bring gloom down to the minimum
Have faith or pandemonium's
Liable to walk upon the scene

To illustrate my last remark
Jonah in the whale, Noah in the ark
What did they do just when everything looked so dark?

(Man, they said "We'd better accentuate the positive")
("Eliminate the negative")
("And latch on to the affirmative")
Don't mess with Mister In-Between (No!)
Don't mess with Mister In-Between

(Ya got to spread joy up to the maximum)
(Bring gloom down to the minimum)
(Have faith or pandemonium's)
(Liable to walk upon the scene)

You got to ac (yes, yes) -cent-tchu-ate the positive
Eliminate (yes, yes) the negative
And latch (yes, yes) on to the affirmative
Don't mess with Mister In-Between
No, don't mess with Mister In-Between

Love,

Aunt Laya

No Shame

2010-02-01T10:55:00.001+02:00

You may know that I am a fan of PostSecret.

This was one of the secrets this week and it really speaks to me.

We are all going to fall on our faces and make mistakes.

You can't be in this world an not make a mistake.

But did you know that you can also mend?

You don't have to mend perfectly, just mend a little corner of the world.

Pick up a piece of trash.

Feed someone who is hungry.

Give someone a job if you can.

Smile.

Give ten minutes to help someone.

Speak kindly of your own self.

Instead of being defensive, respond with kindness when you know someone else is hurting.

One of the things that struck me about the movie Shindler's List was at the end when Oscar Shindler cried because he realized he could have sold his gold pin to save one more life. I decided I want to get to the end of my life as best I can doing the most good that I can. I don't want to cry at the end for what I could have done but didn't.

NO ONE CAN DO IT ALL. 

We're only supposed to do our part. 

Is there something that comes to mind for you that is the right thing to do?

No regrets.

Love,

Aunt Laya

It's OK to ask for HELP

2010-01-28T15:22:00.002+02:00

Everyone, but everyone, in this life has challenges. There is no life without hardship. No matter how "perfect" you think someone is, they have hardship.

It's true that some people seem to have it harder than others--no question. But it's also true that no matter how hard you have it, someone else has survived what you're going through and is waiting for to help you through.
Really, that's true!

If you feel like the pain in your life just never seems to end, ask for help. You can get through to the other side of the pain and shine in ways you can't even imagine right now.

There are a bunch of places listed in the resources section of my website here that you can call or visit online.

You are never alone.

Please reach out if you need help.

Your shining, precious soul matters in this world.

With love and blessings and prayers for your complete well being,
Aunt Laya

Heck Yeah!

2010-01-11T07:58:00.000+02:00

Heck Yeah!!!

In this age of flash and dash, how do you make the decision about what to let in, what to do, what to choose, and what to let go? I just learned a great way to do the measuring inside yourself. When you come across something, anything in life, and inside of you (your guts, heart, mind, thoughts, intuition) says "Heck Yeah!" that's a good sign. Go for it. I'm not talking about the little voice that says "eat that extra piece of cake" I'm talking about the part of you that runs deep and the part of you that rises high.

If you don't get a "Heck Yeah!"

then that means it's a "Heck No!"

When you do what's right for you, it means you can do more of what you need and really, truly want to be doing. This is all measured from your values; we're not talking about ego.

We all sometimes operate from a place of fear. Sometimes you don't want to leave what is familiar or certain. It's scary. So be certain you're listening deeply inside yourself to make sure you're not rationalizing ("rational lies"). Go for what lights you up because then you'll be really singing the song and dancing the dance you're here in this world for.

There is no need to play small here folks. Go for the gold in life. Go for the "Heck Yeah!"

Experiment and explore this and see what happens.

Love,

Aunt Laya

How great is your mind?

2009-12-24T13:56:00.001+02:00

“Great minds discuss ideas;

Average minds discuss events;

Small minds discuss people.”

~Eleanor Roosevelt

Need some ideas to talk about?

How about a list of questions to ask when you're with your friends and family?

What inspires you to be your best?
What do you do to get over disappointment?
What makes you feel successful?
If you could give the world a gift, what would it be?
Have you learned tools to manage anger? What are they?
Is there something you thought was impossible but then you accomplished it? What would you share with someone else who's struggling?
What is the last book you read and what did you love about it? Was there an idea that you would challenge?
What is your favorite quote, and why?
Name one or two of the kindest things people have done for you.
What gives your life meaning?

Expand your great mind!
(Please leave a comment below to add to the list.)

Love,

Aunt Laya

Confident. Not mousy, not cocky. Confident.

2009-12-15T12:12:00.001+02:00

Confident. Not mousy, not cocky. Confident.

In Balance!!!

Walk through this life and know that you are precious; you have great value! Not more precious than anyone else, and not less precious than anyone else either.

Life is not about what you accomplish. It is not about how you look or who you're friends with. It is about who you are; you know the "human being," not the "human doing."

When people think too much of themselves

or too little of themselves,

it is the same ego problem.

Modesty or humility, means that you know who you are, both in your glory and in your simpleness. If you think you're terrible, ugly, shameful, useless, then you have an ego problem. If you think you are better, higher, or more valuable, you have an ego problem. The test here is to understand how very precious you are. And to see how precious other people are too.

I do not want people to sink into despair this holiday season. I want you to understand how loved and lovable you are. You may not see it now, but keep your eyes open and keep your heart open. If you don't feel lovable, are you loving others? Will you let in the love others have for you? Poor is not better than rich, pretty is not better than plain, and no one knows what is really going on in the heart of another. So you have choices. You can choose joy, you can reach out to ask for help, you can reach out to give support, you can wallow in self-pity, you can take one more step, you can find a safe place to rest for a while, you can ask for what you need or... what?

Be kind to others and give yourself the same gift: Be kind to yourself! This is called giving the benefit of the doubt. Do you need ideas about how to do this? Leave comments if you want ideas or if you have ideas to share. You can comment anonymously or email me through my website for privacy.

Blessing of the day: May you see the best in yourself and continue to grow in beautiful ways. May you find gratitude in each day. May you look for and find what is good in yourself and in others.

You can do this!

Love,

Aunt Laya

Thanks to Morguefile.com and (taliesin) Mary R. Vogt for the photo.

(for more photos by Mary, have a look at my video

where I used a whole bunch of her photos)

Gift for the Holidays?

2009-12-12T20:57:00.000+02:00

This is still a good gift for yourself or for giving!

Love,

Aunt Laya

Feeling Sorry for Yourself?

2009-12-12T20:49:00.002+02:00

Step into the change that you want for yourself.

Be that which you want to bring into this world.

One man rising for himself becomes the inspiration for another man to change the face of his nation. This isn't about drama, this is about taking one step at a time to realize and become who you can be--whether you do it quietly for yourself or your family, or whether you do it in a big way. It all matters. You matter. You can be who you are meant to be. One breath at a time, one step at a time, one day at a time. Tears, heart, dissappointments, failures, triumphs.

I hope the following story inspires you as it did me.
(If it's hard to see well on the blog, here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k19OECv0TbQ)

Love,
Aunt Laya

Transformng Jealously

2009-11-12T07:46:00.001+02:00

From a reader:

“When you are jealous of someone else, you don't have what they have, but you also don't have what you have.”

I have thought about this quote for some weeks now. I struggle with jealousy and I was wondering if you could illuminate on this idea of not having what you have...
I wish it was something I could internalize better.
Thank you and love the blog and the book!
N

~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear N,
Thanks for writing, you're not the only one who struggles with this. Here are some more thoughts about jealousy and how to change your thoughts in a more useful and building direction. As always, take what ever parts of these thoughts that work for you and integrate at your own pace. It doesn't have to happen all at once. That you have the will to grow means that you will grow in the ways you want to.

~~~~~~~~~~~

When someone occupies their thoughts with the desire to have what someone else has, they are so focused on their lack (perceived or even real) that they can not see, feel, or think about all that they really do have.

Let’s look at it with an example of a life situation that could come up:
A teenager is watching the way another kid dresses in the latest, trendy, very expensive clothing. She is jealous that she doesn’t have those same outfits. Her whole world is about lack. It’s a dismal point of view.

If she were to notice what she does have, two things can happen. One is a sense of contentment and even gratitude. It could be that she lives in a wonderful home, has loving friends and family, and even has clothing that she likes, etc. The second thing is that she might allow herself to tap into her dreams or yearnings and become inspired.

If you feel jealous there is a chance to transform that feeling--intentionally change the thoughts--to thoughts of inspiration. When you feel the feelings of jealousy rising up inside you, turn those feelings to admiration and let yourself be inspired to rise, accomplish, or create in your own life.

Worth exploring: No one knows what anyone else is going through. The one with the fancy house may be in debt like crazy and about to loose his home to foreclosure. The guy with the college degree may be lonely. “Beautiful people” may be suffering from silent depression or an illness that is hidden from your view. No one can know the whole story behind what “appears” so wonderful.

Everyone has been lovingly created and gifted.

(((and)))

Everyone has challenges.

Jealousy itself is a form of despair. It’s a darkness that is not even based in reality because no one knows what is really going on within the object of their jealousy.

Transforming jealousy into inspiration
If you see someone with something that you want, imagine that yours is coming soon, that seeing the thing you desire in someone else is a sign that yours is near. In other words, you do not desire the exact thing you’re seeing--the one that he has in his hands now, you desire the version that is available to you. This can be material things, meaning “stuff,” or qualities.

Maybe people are jealous of something that is not possible for them to have for what ever reason. This world is designed so that each one of us has gifts that we are born with and a potential that we can fulfill. The gifts you receive are going to be different. Each gift is precious and no one can know the true spiritual value of the gifts we are blessed with.

The remedy for jealousy is gratitude
If you focus on your blessings this is an invitation to increased blessings. You can heal the feelings of jealousy by saying “thank you.” Thank you for another day of life, thank you for opening the door for me, thank you for letting me merge into your lane of traffic, thank you for being such a jerk so that I can grow, be forgiving, or set better boundaries. Thank you for thinking of me. Thank you for taking the time.

Thank you to N for inspiring this post, I hope it's helpful for you.

I always love to hear from readers!
Love,
Aunt Laya

With gratitude to Morguefile.com and duilio for the photograph!

No Bull

2009-10-19T14:23:00.001+02:00

*no bull*

Don't you just hate it when you're talking to someone, and they give you a line, and you know that what they just said was bull? Lot's of the time we know when someone is full of it.

Now we have some possible problems here:

1) You trick yourself into thinking or believing what you want to believe instead of the truth, and fall for the line

2) You are the one giving the line and for some reason you don't think other people have a "bull" meter for when you're not being honest

and

You actually think you've "pulled one over" on someone

the reality is

No matter how you play this one, you really tricked yourself! Yikes! That means you need to take responsibility for tapping into your own guts. It means that you have the power to discern whether what's happening or being said is true and good for you and other people or not.

Stop letting other people "pull the wool over your eyes" (that means stop letting people trick you with lies!). Stop doing it to yourself. 

Get real. This is a gift you can give yourself and the sooner you're honest with yourself, the sooner you'll live a life that is free from bull.

You can apply this to many different aspects of your life: relationships, buying and selling, business deals, or education to name some.

Honestly yours,

Aunt Laya

**No offense to the actual, furry animal. They're nice, helpful, vegetarians who don't hurt anyone. Nice bull. Mmmmmmmmmoooooooooooooo.

What gives your life meaning?

2009-10-16T10:03:00.000+02:00

When you ask yourself the right questions, you'll get answers that will nourish you. (The opposite is true too: if you ask negative questions, your brain will rush to answer those too!) So you are invited to take a quiet moment and ask yourself:

"So, what gives my life meaning?"

Think about the people you love, the things you enjoy, your gifts in life, what you have to give, and the things you do well. What makes you feel good about yourself?

Do you see how you touch people's lives in a loving and positive way? If this is a hard one for you, ask the people who love you what it is that you do well, or what are your best qualities.

A lot of people don't take the time to ask themselves this question, so this is a power tool for building a life that is satisfying and happier.

Remember, we're not supposed to get through life without pain. How can you give pain meaning? Ask yourself: "How can I use this pain (or challenge, or hard times, or illness, or hurt feelings) to grow? 

Asking yourself these kinds of questions will help you move through the harder times in life.

Reminder of the day: You are loved and you are lovable.

(((((Hugs))))) from me for sure!

Love,
Aunt Laya

How to Have More Joy in Life

2009-10-06T15:22:00.000+02:00

Keep an open mind as you read this first sentence:

Joy is a choice! (keep reading...)

You can go to a movie that's sad and even though you were not sad when the movie started, you can find yourself crying--and you know the characters are not even real! You can listen to a comedian and laugh even though you weren't thinking about anything funny before that. Just like when the weather can be cold and you can put on warm boots and a warm coat, and feel cozy, or you can turn the heat on in your house and make the whole place warm--you can change the weather of your emotions.

I know this sounds very simple and that's ok, like I've said before, simple does not mean easy. You can choose the way you want to spend your emotional time, the same way you get to choose how you want to spend the days of your life. You get to choose the people you spend time around. You get to choose how seriously you take the comments from people around you. You get to choose to stay in a room where people are fighting or if you want to walk out of that room, or even if you want to engage in the conversation at all--or not!

We all just seem to forget we have free choice. We forget, or no one ever pointed it out, we even have the power in our lives to change our minds or step into something new altogether.

Questions to ask yourself: What kind of life do I want to build? What small step can I take today to feel good about myself and my life? How can I give this day meaning? How can I serve others today? What did I do right today? What can I think about that will put me in a truly happy state?

You can do this. Step by step.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to Morguefile.com and Grafixar for the great photo Grafixar

2009-09-18T01:19:00.001+03:00

When I changed the template of this blog for a new look, somehow the link to my book was lost. :-(

So, until I figure out how to get a bit more high tech, here's a link as a post. :-)

Love,
Aunt Laya

Inspiring Videos!!!

2009-09-07T19:08:00.003+03:00

This is a series of five videos that I found to be so touching and inspiring. Grab your tissues. The videos speak for themselves.

I

II

III

IV

V

Love,
Aunt Laya

Fat-talk Free Week

2009-09-07T18:10:00.003+03:00

Why not make it a "fat-talk" free life? I think this is a great idea.

Love,
Aunt Laya

At what price beauty?

2009-08-20T10:51:00.002+03:00

I've been talking about this for YEARS! Having worked as a make-up artist and hair stylist, I can tell you that presentation is everything. Here is a one minute demonstration of how the beauty industry and media have shaped (or warped) our perceptions about what is beauty. We've even done it to our food, preferring to buy a 'perfect' fruit or veggie instead of the small, yummy, often misshapen way they grow naturally.

Of course we want to take care of ourselves and look our best. So what will make you look your best and be the most attractive you can be?

Attitude! Confidence is one of the most attractive factors you can have.

A sincere and kind smile is brilliant and very magnetic.

Good health equals vitality which is a beautiful thing.

Living your heart's desires, moving in the direction of your dreams gives meaning and joy to life and a sparkle in your eyes. Very attractive.

There are people in the world who will be judgmental no matter what you do. So the choice is yours to make. You get to choose where you want to put the power and you get to choose what you want to make important.

Bottom line: Everyone is created with a different flavor, beauty, and shine. If you don't see it within yourself or another, keep looking. (You'll see what you look for!)

Shine!
Love,
Aunt Laya

Train Your Brain!

2009-08-17T15:28:00.008+03:00

Train Your Brain!

How did you learn how to ride a bike? By riding a bike.

How did you learn how to read? By reading.

How can you make your focus in life more positive? By being more positive!

How can you can you be happier? By making the decision to do the things that will build happiness. (Live your dream, attitude of gratitude, do the things that give your life meaning and purpose!)

Train your brain (your thoughts!). Have a plan. Then, when you find you're living the way you want to be living, even in small ways, celebrate with gratitude. If you're not living the way you want to be living, look for the good and the good will increase. Don't take my word for it, experiment for yourself.

You see what you look for!

There is a Chassidic story that's told of a guy who goes to a Wise Man, a sage, for a blessing. He brings a note to the wise man explaining his terrible situation.

The Wise Man looks at the note and says, "How very blessed you are! How wonderful!"

The man looks at the Wise Man and is very puzzled. "But, that note has my troubles written there. Why would you congratulate me so?" he asked

The Wise Man responded: Let's have a look at your note together:
"Dear Wise One," the note began.
"Do you know that many people have no one to consult with regarding the important matters of their lives? That you have someone to come to is a blessing in itself!"

Continuing the Wise Man read, "My wife sent me to you today..."
"You are a married man! How wonderful! Do you know how many people there are single that have not found their mate?"

Continuing: "because my oldest daughter is going to get married..."
"You have a daughter! But more than one since this is about your oldest! How many couples are in the world that long for a child and you have children! And you daughter has found her soul mate! What a wonderful thing when there are so many lonely young people."

Continuing: "and we don't have at thing in the house."
The Wise Man said: "You have a house! How wonderful when there are so many that are homeless."

Be grateful... be very, very grateful.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to Morguefile.com and jkt_de for the great blue brain photo!

(Re) Inventing yourself

2009-08-14T07:39:00.016+03:00

Who are you really?

Mostly, the way I get to see a movie is if one of my kids brings one home from the library or if someone brings a disc over for me to see. It was a big week for movies at my house and I just saw Don Juan DiMarco and Houseitter. Both of them had a theme with a character who creatively takes on a personality to create a new reality for themselves. What's interesting about both movies is that the "stable character" learns from the other to free themselves into a more joyful life.

We all know a bit about this. Dress up formally and you feel one way, wear your jammies and feel another way. So if this is true, then what if you can invent yourself to become the person you strive to be--on purpose? What if you can take off the mask of what others expect you to be and step into who you want to be in your heart of hearts?

Experiment of the day: What if you were a kid and could dress up as anything you wanted? Think about the character you might dress as. As you imagine, ask yourself: "What traits about that character do I desire?" For example: Super hero (saves the day, helps people) or Princess (walks with dignity and beauty). Now, if you dare, do something you might not ordinarily do with that character in mind. Don't worry, I'm not telling you to dress up or act weird. This is something you can do that no one has to know about or even notice. Just pick some small thing you can do that will make you feel more like that hero or princess or whatever. Act with the integrity of what you admire.

This exercise is like peeling layers off an essential part of you that might have been stifled. It's a chance to release an aspect of yourself that wants more meaning. You can let yourself enjoy and take delight with this experiment!

I know a guy who leaves coins in the return slots of candy machines for kids to find. I know someone else who started an organization to feed hungry families. I know a kid who volunteers at the dentist's office because she loves that stuff. I wish I was like a fairy godmother and since the magic wand I have doesn't really do anything, I write this blog to see if I can bless people a little bit. What do you dream? What small act can you do to step into your dreams?

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to Morguefile.com and Anita Patterson for the great photo!

Jealousy

2009-08-04T10:55:00.004+03:00

When you are jealous of someone else, you don't have what they have, but you also don't have what you have.

Disappointed?

2009-07-30T22:26:00.005+03:00

This quote seen at the bottom of an email...

"Disappointments are inevitable

However misery is an option"

Choose well!

Love,
Aunt Laya

I'm SO angry!!!

2009-07-28T09:44:00.015+03:00

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
-- Buddha

First thing is to understand that anger is ALWAYS about ego. That's hard to take in if you're in the heat of anger. If you can, try this on for size: what ever it is that is making you mad isn't really the issue, it's the way you react to any given situation that matters. You can argue this one, but I'm not sure anger will ever really help resolve any situation.

I used to study martial arts. I learned that if you're sparring and you get mad at your opponent, you can no longer spar with a clear mind. So one of my teachers taught me to think of sparring as a game of tag. If your opponent hits you, he taught you where you are open so you can become a better martial artist.

People who fly into a rage
always make a bad landing.
-- Will Rogers

In life, when something makes you angry, you have a chance to learn about yourself and grow.

OK, all that said, it's important to understand that feelings are feelings. If you get angry, it's a wake-up call, but don't just stuff the feelings and pretend they aren't there. You have a situation to deal with, not to ignore. The anger is a red flag that says "pay attention." That might mean creating better boundaries, it might mean getting out of a situation that's not healthy, it might mean a heart-to-heart talk with someone you care deeply about. It could mean any number of things. AND, if you act out in anger, you are very likely to regret it so it's important to stop and think before you act.

Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help, and what he cannot help.
-- Thomas Fuller

Think about this:

Underneath anger is hurt. If you weren't hurting, you wouldn't be angry.

Underneath hurt is caring. If you didn't care, you wouldn't feel hurt about it.

Underneath it all is the loving essence of who you are at your core, your spirit.

If you can tap into the deeper layers, you can get past the destruction of the anger faster.

For more ideas about how to take control of your life in a positive way you can read these earlier posts from this blog.

Blessing of the day: May you find the best thoughts and remedies to bring you the sweetest peace of mind.

Love,
Aunt Laya

What do you want?

2009-07-06T08:49:00.003+03:00

What do you want? What is really important to you? What do you want more than anything else in the world? What is it? You have to name it to claim it!!! Do you want to quit smoking? Do you want to get a degree or certificate? Do you want to be fit? Do you have financial goals?

SET YOUR GOAL

When you have a burning desire and you are courageous enough to admit that to yourself, if you are courageous enough to admit it to yourself, then you just need to take the steps and you can achieve it. Let's get real. It must be something realistic. Don't anyone email me that you want to win the lottery or set up a farm on the moon.

Something I learned that was very empowering: You can have anything you want. You can't have everything, but you can have anything. So, what is most important to you?

CRITERIA

Once you know what your goal is, you can figure out--for yourself--how will you know when you reached your goal? Like if you want to be a non-smoker, how long will it be without a cigarette until you'll feel like you can call yourself a non-smoker? If you want to find a life mate, it's bit trickier because someone else is invovled in that, so create a criteria of "preparing" to meet a life mate. Then your goal will be about what you can do for yourself. Ask yourself: How will I know I have successfully accomplished this goal?

LIST THE BABY STEPS

What are the small steps you might need to take to accomplish this thing that is so important to you? For the person who wants to quit smoking it might be to call a doctor for an appointment to get a patch. It might be to make an appointment for a session of EFT (emotional freedom technique). Another might be to set up an emotional support system. If the goal is to get a degree, the baby steps might include calling the school to set up an appointment to register, arragnging a work schedule, getting a scholarship, buying school supplies, etc.

CELEBATE!

Be sure to set up a reward system all along the way. Enjoy the jourey by allowing celebration of the milestones along the way. Maybe you can think of some wonderful way you can celebrate the small successes and the end goal as well.

Remember that getting to your goal is a process, it doesn't happen all at once. It's not supposed to happen all at once. And guess what? It doesn't always have to feel easy. Break things down to smaller steps. Remember the old saying: by the yard it's hard, by the inch it's a cinch.

Another thing is to have a good support system. Only talk about your goal with a one or two or three people who you are close with and who will support you. Don't blab to people who will put you down or tell you why you can't have the things you want in life. Reserve your energy for taking the steps that are important to you!

You CAN do this. You really can!
Feel free to leave comments about the things you do to reach your goals successfully.
Or email me about your successes.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Now what do I do?

2009-05-20T12:55:00.003+03:00

You do not have to reinvent the wheel. There are people who can help you grow in the directions you want to grow. There are life coaches, basketball coaches, editors, business mentors, advisers, and what ever else you can think of. This is not just about career advancement.

You have something you bring to this life and it is something unique that only you can bring. It may not make a big splash, but it will--for sure!--send ripples out that change the world in real ways.

If you need support to sing the song you are here to sing, ask! And don't wait to sing your song, be it parenthood, gardening, nursing, performing, cleaning, teaching, friendship, building, doctoring, learning, even blogging! My life has been touched by children, bus drivers, taxi drivers, airport security, the smile of someone on the street, the receptionist at the dentist's office, and so many more.

Give a hand. Take a hand.

Love,
Aunt Laya

When will this end?

2009-04-28T20:23:00.006+03:00

Sometimes people want to know when the challenges will end. The answer, not always so great to hear, is that they don't. Oh, you'll get a break from this challenge (and you may even be able to make some changes that bring that break sooner if you make the right choices). And, you should know, life is all about the challenges. In fact, your challenges are uniquely designed just for you--to shape you and grow you! This is better than a GPS that tells you how to get from one place to another, only life is more mysterious about it. You are given challenges so you can grow.

Now you have a choice to make. You can sit and whine about your challenges. You can cry the blues if you want to. Or, you can look for what your life's purpose is and live it to the fullest even in spite of your challenges. You can face your challenges and rise. You can face your challenges and get stronger by solving the puzzle of what to do about things. You get to create the life you want to live.

You get to choose. That is your power, the power of choice. Choose your attitude. Choose your next steps. You can ask for help if you need or want to; you don't have to go it alone. (Divine help (prayer is a great thing, just start talking), help from friends, try a seminar, or even a book.)

Hang in there when things feel challenging. Like all of life, there is a pulse. Energy comes in waves so there are times for resting and times for working, times for grieving and times for celebrating. For sure you'll have more challenges in life as the months and years unfold before you. And for sure, if you pay attention, you'll see the many blessings too. You might just even see the blessings in the challenges if you pay close attention.

Love,

Aunt Laya

I took this photo. So, thanks to the people who designed digital. :-)

Tweet!

2009-04-06T07:43:00.003+03:00

For small pearls of wisdom, and sometimes quotes from others, follow me on Twitter!

Click here or cut and paste this to your browser: http://twitter.com/auntlaya to find me at Twitter.

Happy Spring!

Tweet!

Love,
Aunt Laya

How long should you try?

2009-04-01T09:06:00.005+03:00

"How long do you give a baby to learn to walk
before you tell him to give it up?" ~Jim Rohn

I talk about baby steps all the time. Take things a little bit at a time. The thing is, it's not just about taking small steps, it's about taking the steps in the first place. What ever it is that you want to improve or build or learn or have in your life, you can create amazing results only if you work on your attitude and actions.

Fuel yourself with information. Keep growing! Keep going in the direction of your dreams.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to morguefile.com and puravida for the wonderful photo.

Tool for Life - Reframing

2009-03-09T04:55:00.009+02:00

"If at first you don't succeed, redefine success!"

I just saw this quote and of course it made me smile. But then I realized this is the perfect example for a life tool. This tool is a skill you can develop for keeping your mindset positive. It is called "Reframing". You can use this tool for the way you relate to your own life and also how you relate to others.

You get to decide how you want to frame your life and your perceptions. Kind of like when you take a photograph. You choose what to focus on. In life, you decide what to focus on! You decide who is in the picture and who is out. You decide what you want to photograph--you decide what to put energy into, and how you want to do that.

Then once you have taken your photo--or once something has already happened in your life--you decide how you want to view it in your mind. To open up your thoughts on this one, take a minute to understand how a frame on a picture really makes a difference:

If you have never taken anything to a frame shop, now would be a good time to head on out to one just to have a look at how the process works. or check out these websites to see what I mean:
Look here to see ideas of the way things can look in different frames.
Look here to get an idea of how many different kinds of frames and matts you can choose from.
Look here to see more framing ideas and notice the way the environment you place your picture in is also like a frame.

So how do you apply this in your life? Let's say you set the goal of hiking up a mountain. At the end of the day, you didn't make it to the top of the mountain. Now you get to choose the way you want to frame the day.
You could say to yourself: Wow, what a great day, I saw wonderful sites, climbed higher than I ever have before, and had a nice time.

You could say to yourself: What a failure, I never even got to the top of the mountain.

What attitude will serve you the best? What attitude will help you enjoy the life you are living?

Here's another way you can use reframing: A child says "I hate you" to his parent. The parent can say to himself "Oh, I'm a failure as a parent!" OR "This kid is tired and needs a nap." OR "What can I do to help my child understand this situation?" In this situation you can use reframing to give another person the benefit of the doubt. You can do that if you're the kid too. Say your parents yell at you "for no reason". It could be that they are actually having a bad day! Poor, poor parents. They are doing the best they can.

And, you're allowed to give your own self the benefit of the doubt too! You are doing the best you can. When you make a mistake (or your parents or your kids or anyone) know that you (and they) are doing the best you can.

Bottom line: You can choose the thoughts and perspective that you want. I hope you'll choose well in ways that will help you grow and find peace.

You can do this!

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to Morguefile.com and Procrastinator for the great image!

How to say "I'm sorry"

2009-03-03T15:23:00.008+02:00

There are a lot of things you might need to say "sorry" about. When you bump into someone or knock something off the table by accident, "sorry" comes a bit easier.

But what if you did something that hurt someone else? What if what you did hurt them physically, emotionally or mentally?

It takes courage to apologize!

It takes a lot of courage to say you are sorry about something. Courage is feeling the fear and doing what is right any way. Even when it feels scary, you can do the right thing.

If you just say "sorry" with out meaning it, it is meaningless. You must mean it.

When you have hurt someone and you are sorry, you have to be clear that you will do your best not repeat what you did. We all make mistakes and for sure we're all going to say stupid things that will hurt others even when we didn't mean to. We have to do the best we can and go from there.

What if what you did or said was not so simple?

If what you did was severe and you need help to stop behavior that hurts other people -- and hurting yourself hurts other people--ask for help. Ask for help until you get the help you need. What ever shame you might feel when you do something hurtful can be healed. First you need to bring light to the dark places. Dark places are shame, pain, hurt--your own and others. Sweeping the pain under the rug doesn't heal it or make it go away. Time will help heal, but not until you clean the wounds. The first step is to feel and say you are sorry. You can say "I'm sorry and I want to ask for your forgiveness." You can say it, you can write it in a note. Just mean it.

Do not expect forgiveness. Lots of things are forgivable. Some things are not so easily forgiven. Sometimes saying sorry fixes things in a relationship. Sometimes the relationship ends for what ever reason. It's still good to say sorry even if you will never see the person again.

Being sorry when you've done something to hurt someone else is a good thing. It signals when we are on track or off course with who we need and want to be in the world. It's a first step at least.

In some situations, sorry isn't enough. Sometimes there are other actions a person needs to take to fix what was damaged. Sorry is a great place to start.

When you do something to help yourself or someone else heal the hurt places, you are bringing light into the world in a real way. That's a big deal.

You can do this.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to ariadna and Morguefile.com for the great photo.

HopeLine from the Heart--Suicide preention

2009-02-15T08:10:00.004+02:00

If you are a regular at my blog, you know I am a Postsecret fan. Frank Warren, the man who is behind the project is a big supporter of Hope Line Suicide prevention program. The notes and links below are from the Postsecret MySpace page.

Love,
Aunt Laya

*****

You may know of Reese's important work with HopeLine, but behind the scenes Reese has helped me many times with PostSecret and some of the community members who contact me directly.

Occationaly I get desperate emails from people that I am not equipt to respond to. In the past, I have forwarded these to Reese who is much better qualified to offer help. For the first time, here is one of those caring examples:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Rebecca
Sent: Tuesday, July 01, 2008 3:49 AM
To: frank warren
Subject: To Frank, 1-800-suicide,

Hi,

My name is Rebecca and I'm 16 years old. I live in Las Vegas, Nevada with both of my parents and my older sister.

When I was growing up I never felt genuinely happy, I was often teased at school by class mates and physically abused at home. My dad was/is a drunk and my mom worked/s full time. When I was 10 I tried to commit suicide, a friend of mine had intervened and my parents stood idle, blind to the fact that I was extremely unhappy.

Lately I have had the urge to hurt myself, and I have given in. I don't know whats compelling me to do it, it doesn't make me feel better; it just takes my mind off of suicide. I have wanted to call the HopeLine for some time now, but I can't find the courage to do it... A month or two back I had confessed to a friend that I wanted to commit suicide and how my dad abused me when I was younger. He told me everything would be alright and if I need anything call him. He referred me to the hotline hoping it might save my life; and right now I need saving.

I'm too scared to call 1(800)SUICIDE; I'm too scared that calling and talking about it isn't going to be enough to help me. I'm scared that if I call nobody will pick up.

I hope to one day have the courage to call and move forward with my life.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Reese Butler
To: Rebecca
Subject: To Frank, 1-800-suicide,

Dear Rebecca,

I promise you if you call us we will pick up. Please call 877-YOUTHLINE 968-8454 to reach a teen peer counselor. If you call between noon and 9PM at night you will reach a teen. It should ring to Phoenix Teen Lifeline. You can look them up online to see what they are all about. They are very cool and can help you understand what you are dealing with in a hopefully more productive way. Mainly just be there as a shoulder to lean on.

If you wish to chat online you can do so at at www.kidscrisis.com

Or any of these web sites:

http://www.realmentalhealth.com/chat/default.asp

http://www.counselingnet.com

http://www.kidshelp.com.au/template/standard.aspx?s=126&p=129&r=104&b=2

http://newhopeonline.org/counseling/liveperson.html

I also suggest reading the book Suicide the Forever Decision. It is
great read, (not boring) and very relevant.

You can download it for free at www.qprinstitute.com

If you are looking for email support you can find support at jo@samaritans.org

Let me know if these links are of no help. I have many more.

Lastly I do care that you live, and find happiness. Please do not do
anything to harm yourself. There are many who care. Please call us.

Best always,

Reese Butler

President and Founder
Kristin Brooks Hope Center
National Hopeline Network 1-800-SUICIDE 784-2433
202-536-3200
202-536-3206 fax
615 7th Street NE
Washington, D.C. 20002
www.hopeline.com
reese@hopeline.com

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Reese Butler
To: Rebecca
Subject: To Frank, 1-800-suicide,

Dear Rebecca,

I hope you are well or better. I never heard back from you so I do not know if you used the resources I sent and what the outcome was. I come across your picture and letter every once in a while and think of you. I wish there was more I could do but want you to know there are people who care unconditionally and will help if you will reach out.

Please drop me a note and let me know what is going on.

Best always,

Reese Butler
President and Founder
Kristin Brooks Hope Center
National Hopeline Network 1-800-SUICIDE 784-2433
202-536-3200
202-536-3206 fax
1250 24th Street NW
Suite 300
Washington, D.C. 20037
www.hopeline.com
reese@hopeline.com

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Rebecca
To: Reese Butler
Subject: To Frank, 1-800-suicide,

Reese-

I'm sorry I never got back to you. I've been keeping busy, trying not to have too much free time to let my mind wonder. It's great to know someone thinks about me now and then. I'm doing better, I've found a friend I can talk to when I'm feeling under the weather and I do the same for him. I still haven't called the hotline, I can't seem to find the guts to. I did however read that book you were talking about. It really made me think about my life and how fortunate I am. I realized I do have a future and I'm in control of that. Still on the long road to recovery, I'm confident I can make it through this.

Thank you so much for being there and recognizing me. I really appreciate everything you've done for me.

-Rebecca

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Reese Butler ..
To: Rebecca
Subject: To Frank, 1-800-suicide,

No worries. I am just glad things are better for you and you have a support system.

The teen peer line is a great resource when your friends are not around. As they are teens too and deal with the same issues you do they can relate better than doctors or parents sometimes . 877-YOUTHLINE (968-8454)

I am glad also you read the book. Now you should be able to take the course and the test that goes along with it and become a certified gatekeeper and be in a position to help others. Interested?

Best always,

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Rebecca
To: Reese Butler
Subject: To Frank, 1-800-suicide,

I am very interested in helping others. I would love the opportunity to share my story and reach out to people in need. I would love to help in any way possible.

-Rebecca

--------------------------------------------------

How do you heal a broken heart?

2009-02-09T23:47:00.005+02:00

When your heart is broken,

how can you heal?
How do you heal a broken heart?

Know that you can heal a broken heart. Others have healed a broken heart and you can too. It may not be easy, it may not be fast, but healing can happen. This you need to know.

Next, you have to be willing to heal. You don't have to know how, you just have to go inside to the deepest depths and say to yourself, "I am willing to heal." Through the pain and sadness, through the grief and shattered feelings, you simply have to acknowledge that you are willing to heal.

III

Understand that healing is a process. It does not happen all at once. There is no guarantee about how long this process will take, it's different for everyone. There are days that are harder and days that are easier. Sometimes you think you're doing fine and suddenly sad feelings sneak up on you again. That's part of the process. Hang in there! The good days will come again and they'll come more and more often.

Time does heal. It may not seem like it when you're in pain, but know that time really does bring healing. Again, there is no guarantee about how long the process will take, but time is one of the elements of healing a broken heart. It's kind of like healing in the body, a cut will also heal with time. You don't put a bandage on a cut and expect to wake up the next morning and the cut is gone. So be patient with yourself, your emotions, and your heart.

Be honest with yourself about why you were wounded, why your heart was broken. This is the mental part of the process. Be truthful about this part even though it may not be fun. You don't have to say this out loud to any one. Were you expecting something the other person wasn't able to give you? Lots of broken hearts are when people have expectations of a relationship that the other person can not or doesn't even want to fulfill. If you can really evaluate what went wrong, you can learn about yourself so you can set up a healthier relationship next time. Learn something about yourself from each experience.

Acknowledge the gifts you take from the relationship. I don't mean goodies, I mean the gifts of life experience. Did you see that you have the capacity to love? Did you learn something about boundaries? Did you learn about communication? Did you learn something about how to be with other people? There is something you have to be grateful about, name that.

VII

Be tender with yourself. What does that mean? Be kind to you. Make sure that you think thoughts that are kind (saying you are a jerk or a loser is NOT being kind to you or anyone else and do not belong in your thoughts or vocabulary). Open your heart to yourself the same way you would open your heart to a friend in pain. I find that a lot of people have never learned how to be gentle with themselves. This is a skill worth developing! You'll be a nicer person to other people when you learn how to be good to yourself. This is about balancing your thoughts and emotions.

VIII

Do not rush into another relationship. When you go into a relationship from a place of wholeness you will be wiser in your choice of who to date. If you do not heal, you are likely to make the same mistake over and over again until you learn the lesson. Take the time for yourself so you can have and be the best for yourself. This is a great time to get into something so you can express yourself creatively. Maybe writing, music, art, knitting, sports, what ever feels creative and fulfilling to you.

You do not have to do this alone. You can talk with a friend or a counselor. Ask for help when you need help. No one is expected to do life alone. If you don't feel like you have someone to talk things through with, don't sit around feeling sorry for yourself, ask around. Take care of yourself enough to ask for help when you need help. There are some wonderful people with open hearts who would be honored to be your friend or counselor.

Time, tenderness, talking it through. Once your heart is broken, you will never be the same. That's okay! All of life builds us and shapes us. Take each experience to deepen the truth of who you are: You are a wonderful, loving person who lights up this world. Take a rest as you heal. Keep shining.

Love,
Aunt Laya

with gratitude to Morguefile.com and bekahboo42 for the beautiful photo

Need some hope?

2009-01-20T06:19:00.003+02:00

Remember...
It is in the darkest of night that the stars shine brightest.

Love,
Aunt Laya

With gratitude to Morguefile and kahanaboy for the beautiful photo!

Advice for a Tree

2008-12-30T23:52:00.003+02:00

This question came in as a comment for an earlier post:

Dear Aunt Laya,
I need some advice, because I can't seem to find anyone who can tell me how to solve my problem. I can't get myself to go to class everyday! I skip and come up with all sorts of excuses, though the real reason is that I feel like a loser in class. My class consists of students with sky-high GPAs, and I am the only odd one there. Although I work harder than them in terms of written work, I cannot think like them and generate questions like how they do. In my school, we are graded on our participation and knowledge and not how much work we produce. I always get out-beaten and never feels good. My grades are failing, I only have one year before I graduate and I can't help feeling hopeless and useless all the time. I never hated school this much. I would really appreciate some advice.

Dying Tree.

********

Dear Tree,
Sometimes trees appear to be dying but they are not. It is fall and time for the leaves to die and fall off, but the tree isn't really dying, its just in a cycle of renewal. The tree stands strong and beautiful in the winter as the next phase is preparing itself. There is a beauty in this cycle of life too but you have to look for it to see it. Then in the spring new buds will form and suddenly seem to burst forth in an explosion of growth.

DO NOT DESPAIR! I learned that despair is when someone is full of self pity and then there is no room for joy to come in. Now may be a good time for you to redefine what success is to you. It's not the same for everyone, you know? If you have only one year left to graduate, keep showing up and get through this. It doesn't have to be on the same terms as everyone else. Just because the instructor is not judging you in a framework that is fair to you, you don't have to measure your success in the same way. Don't let discouragement get the better of you. Hang in there, "this too shall pass".

Have you defined your dreams? Do you know what is important to you? School is a tool and a stepping stone. Finish what you started and then use the open doors to head toward your heart's desire. That means you are true to you (not some teacher's version of what you "should" be, what your Creator intended for you to be in all your shining true self).

You really can do this!

Love and (((hugs))),
Aunt Laya

Thank you to Robb and Morguefile.com for the beautiful photo!

Thank You

2008-12-28T15:35:00.003+02:00

Did you get a card in the mail with a love note or a check? Who carried it to you? Who drove it and got it ready for the person who delivered it? Who made the card? Who brought the card to the store so it could be purchased and sent to you? Who designed the card? Who made the pen used to address the card?

Get what I mean? Behind every thing you enjoy, big or small, many, many hands were involved in making that thing happen.

Take a minute to think about this. Like my posts? Who at blogger set up this free service and made it simple enough for even me to post? :-) Who programed these computers? Who designed the computer and who made the parts to put it together? Who made the car that the person who sold the computer used to get to work? Who is feeding all these people, growing vegetables and fruit and grains? (not to mention the food that you eat!)

We are none of us alone in this world, we are all taking care of each other in small and big ways. Don't forget to take a minute to thank the bus driver that gets you safely where you're going. Don't forget to thank the guy you see picking up trash for keeping the neighborhood clean.

Say thank you with a smile, with a wink, with a handshake or a hug. Say thank you with a flower or a note. But do say it, it's a great lift to be thankful (even after Thanksgiving!)

Then turn it in on yourself. Notice what you like about you and be grateful for all you are and all you can do. Be grateful for the hidden potential that you have yet to discover about yourself.

I'm grateful for you, for reading these notes, for the emails you send, and for inspiring me to keep on doing what I do, writing and talking.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Pain is a Gift!

2008-12-17T08:50:00.006+02:00

What?!? Pain is a gift? Yes! You wouldn't want to do life without it. Why?

What if people didn't feel the burn of a hot pan? We'd get so damaged we couldn't function. When we feel the burn of something hot, we let go... so we don't get hurt more!!! Get it?

When you feel pain, it's a signal for change.

Ask yourself:
What is this pain trying to tell or teach me?
What can I do to make a change that will heal?
Do I need to change my thoughts?
Do I need to change my environment?
Do I need to change my actions?
Do I need to change my perceptions?

Growing pains happen. Use them to make you stronger, kinder, wiser, healthier.

Use everything to your advantage!
Love,
Aunt Laya

Thanks again to Morguefile.com and also fattymattybrewing for the great photo

Celebrate!

2008-12-15T19:11:00.005+02:00

OK, there is a lot about the hard times that is being talked about. Hard times with money, work, terrorism, and they are all real issues that need to be addressed. But that doesn't mean that we can't have good times too. So how do you create a good time? Declare it. Call some friends or sit with family and make a party to celebrate life, to celebrate friendship, to celebrate what you DO have. You can even make a little celebration all by yourself. If you are feeling alone, then there is someone else who is alone and just waiting for your call and invitation. (Be brave and make the call! Or make three calls until you have the company you want.)

You can give your celebration a theme: birthday, un-birthday, Christmas, Hanuka, Kwanzaa, Solstice, or summer in December and make a picnic on the floor in your living room. Get a few props: candles, music, yummy treats, or art supplies. Get creative.

Shake yourself up. Inspire yourself. Give yourself a lift and maybe life someone else's spirits along the way. Last week I went to the mall and had some fun giving out chocolates to some nice people who helped me. Look for things to celebrate and you'll find them.

I celebrate you!
Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to Morguefile.com and Clarita for the great photo

Try Again

2008-12-01T07:54:00.001+02:00

Challenges

2008-10-27T18:27:00.005+02:00

"Good timber does not grow with ease.
The stronger the wind, the stronger the trees."

I don't know who first said this but it teaches us in another way that the hard times in life make us stronger. Challenges shape us to be better.

Stay strong!

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thanks to Allen Conant and morguefile.com for the great photo!

Suicide and Depression

2008-10-26T12:55:00.002+02:00

Lots and lots of people care about you. Friends seen and unseen.
Never despair! Hang on to hope. Call the Hopeline if you need to.
Love, Aunt Laya

Thanks for the great video PostSecret!

Help for Teens to Graduate High School

2008-10-12T03:27:00.004+02:00

If you need a boost in getting through school...
If you can give a boost in helping someone else get through school...

http://www.boostup.org/

is a place to go online to get or give a boost up!

It's a really great idea, so go support someone or ask for support right now.

It's easy and simple: Just click here if you haven't already.

Cheers!
Aunt Laya

Overcoming Fear and Regret

2008-10-03T07:34:00.004+03:00

If I could give my previous post about fear a soundtrack, this would be it.

Consider this post a kind of "love note" from me to you.
May you walk in strength and sweetness and joy.
Keep growing!
Love,
Aunt Laya

Teens, Tweens, Parents, Teachers:

2008-10-02T06:25:00.004+03:00

Teens, Tweens, Parents, and Teachers:

I just got an email with this announcement.

Teens and tweens and younger kids deserve to be safer so check it out and stay safe.

Love,

Aunt Laya

Introducing the NetSmartz
Internet Safety 2009 Presentations!

NetSmartz® Workshop has been hard at work updating our Internet Safety Presentations. The new PowerPoint presentations for parents and communities, tweens, and teens are now available for you to download. They incorporate current statistics, our newest videos, and vibrant graphics!

NetSmartz free, multimedia Internet safety presentations are tailored for specific audiences - parents and communities, tweens, teens, and younger children. Our innovative presentations utilize statistics, online resources, videos, and expert tips to educate, engage, and empower children and adults to be safer on- and offline.

Go to http://www.NetSmartz.org/Presentations to download the NetSmartz Internet Safety 2009 Presentations today!

Educate Parents & Communities

This 60-minute PowerPoint for parents with children ages 5-17 and communities includes

Facts of online risks
Statistics, videos, and other resources
Tips for keeping children safer online

Engage Tweens & Teens

Two 45-minute PowerPoint presentations for tweens and teens contain

Animated and documentary-style videos
Candid, thought-provoking discussions
Practical advice and free resources

Empower Younger Children

These 30-minute interactive Primary and Intermediate presentations include

Age-appropriate explanations of online risks
Easy-to-remember online safety rules
Interactive, animated lessons led by Clicky, Nettie, and Webster

Go to http://www.NetSmartz.org/Presentations to download the NetSmartz Internet Safety 2009 Presentations today!

Relationship Help

2008-09-29T02:17:00.005+03:00

This is one of the best videos I've seen in a long time.
I hope you are as inspired as I am by this one.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Overcoming Fear

2008-09-23T10:53:00.003+03:00

Once I was working on a movie set with a famous actress/model. Just before the camera started rolling, she started to scream and stomp about. Everyone on the set thought she had lost her mind. As suddenly as she started, she stopped and looked around smiling. She explained that she learned that if some place inside she felt foolish about a scene, she should really "act" foolish so that the scene would feel normal to her.

What ever the reasons are we sometimes give in to fear of going for our dreams. I don't think it's always important to know why. It's OK to skip the why and simply get to the how.

There are different kinds of fear.

Fear that is good because it can keep you safe.
Irrational fear--fear that has no basis in reality and actually interferes with daily life.
Fear that holds you back from living your dreams.

Sometimes it's good to be afraid. We're supposed to be afraid to run in front of a speeding train. It's wise to wait until the train is past before we cross the tracks. It's good for a woman to have some fear about walking alone in a parking lot at night. Bad things happen too often and it's wise to ask a man (or for a man to offer) to walk a woman to her car at night. It's good to be afraid of going to jail. It may be better to do what's right just because it's right, but it's also good to understand that some actions have a negative consequence and to be afraid of that is healthy.

Sometimes fear is debilitating. Fear can be so deep and wide that the person who is feeling it can not leave their home. This is not healthy fear. It is a kind of fear that can be treated though help may be needed. Some people are so afraid of flying that they will not leave their home town. That's not a big deal if it's not stopping the person from his normal life. It's sad if he has can not go to the award presentation for his good work because of his fear.

Then there is the kind of fear that doesn't look like such a big deal. I mean, you're living your life just fine, right? Yet, there are fears that stand in the way of doing, being, or accomplishing something that would make your heart sing.

This is fear that you can conquer!

The power of imagination

The truth is, fear is mostly imagined. One of my many favorite quotes is by Mark Twain:

"I am an old man and have known a great many troubles,
but most of them never happened." ~Mark Twain

Courageous people are not those without fear, they move in spite of their fear.

You know this is true. Think about something you were very fearful about that in the end worked out just fine. You already have life experience with this, but maybe you don't give yourself credit. Were you afraid the first day at a new job, but now you love it? Were you afraid the first day of a new school, but you made friends and got through it? Did you remember the first time you got on a bus or train or airplane alone?

Have you ever tried to do something and the thing failed? Maybe you felt bad for a time, but then if you think about it, don't you feel great that you gave it a try? Did you learn something? Did you turn your learning into a stepping stone?

Think about the times when you have accomplished the thing you felt fearful about. Remember and hold onto the feeling of accomplishment when you succeeded. Imagine that same great feeling right now and in the future.

You can do this.
Email me your wins, I love hearing from you.

Love,
Aunt Laya

with gratitude to FlyingPete and morguefile.com for the amazing photo!

Deer-in-the-Headlights Syndrome

2008-09-17T02:30:00.003+03:00

Ever have something important to do and you just froze, couldn't move, couldn't make a choice? Have an important call to make or important decision and you just didn't do it?

That is deer-in-the-headlights syndrome or DITHS.

"Deer in the headlights" is when a deer is in the road at night and a car is coming at it--straight at it--and it just stares into the headlights and doesn't move out of the way. The results of being frozen for the poor deer can be fatal. The results for the oncoming car can also be traumatic.

The point here is there may really be some intense consequences when you don't move and you need to.

One of the simplest techniques for overcoming DITHS is to communicate!! It is perfectly acceptable to say, "I need some time to think about this" or "I can't make a decision so fast, let me get back to you."

When you need to take action but you just don't know what to do, it is really OK to ask for help. You could ask a friend to help or support you accomplish something important. You can ask a professional to help (it's how they make their living and they do that because they most likely actually enjoy helping!). If it's about an important decision, ask someone who's life experience and opinion you trust to talk it through with you.

Now here's something else to consider. Even if you've experienced a DITHS moment and had a significant loss or pain from it, life is not over, you can grow from this and move forward anyway. You know the old saying, when one door closes, another one opens. It's true. Only thing is, if you don't pay attention, all those missed opportunities can cost you in time or money or relationships.

This one is about waking up and stepping up. It's about taking action even though you might feel afraid and knowing it will all be OK. It's about taking responsibility for yourself and it's very empowering.

You can do this, small bits at a time are great.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thanks to mouguefile.com and somadjinn for the beautiful photo!

Need Some Inspiration?

2008-09-02T07:31:00.002+03:00

When you feel like things are hard, have a look at this young man and his dad for some inspiration.

Thanks for stopping by.

Love,
Aunt Laya

"Take Wing"

2008-09-01T06:09:00.004+03:00

"Take Wing" is my newest project. After a long time of talking about an ezine, it's now a reality. Ezine stands for "electronic magazine"--like a newsletter that shows up with your email. What I do is short and sweet. Although it's still in process it will pretty much come your in-box one or two times a month with more inspiration for you.

It's easy to sign up. Just go to the sign up page at my website, fill in the form, and you're in! Never worry about spam because I will never sell your email address. You can subscribe simply and unsubscribe with a click when ever you want.

Simple. See ya there!

Love,
Aunt Laya

Formula for a Fresh Start

2008-08-26T22:28:00.006+03:00

Part I

Forgiveness. You can say something like: "I forgive myself for the mistakes I've made."

Part II

Kindness. Know that you are lovable, even if you don't feel like it. Treat yourself the way you would treat a small child or friend. Don't beat yourself up for making a mistake. Mistakes are how we learn and grow.

Part III

Learn from your mistakes. No one is perfect, so don't be down on yourself for being human. When you goof up, make sure you take the lesson with you. (See how in the photo the "old stuff" nourishes and even protects the growth of the new?)

Part IV

Ask for help if you need help.

Part V

Keep growing and looking for the positive.

Ask yourself these questions:

What am I grateful for? If it's hard to come up with something, start with the basics, breathing, breakfast, friendship, swimming, ice cream... you get the idea.

Ask yourself each evening:
What was the best part of my day?
What do I look forward to tomorrow?

*Give yourself a hug,
give someone else a hug,
take a deep breath,
do a kindness for someone else
(get out of your self).*

You can do this! :-)

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thanks to xpistwv and morguefile.com for the wonderful photo.

Ouch! The Sting of Mean Words

2008-08-26T09:23:00.006+03:00

Recently someone wrote something pretty mean about me on the internet. It wasn't personal, the guy doesn't even know me. It did sting at first when I read it. And then it took a while for the sting to disappear, but before long the sting did disappear. In it's place I found myself stronger and more confident!

When I was a student of martial arts, I spent some time working out one on one with a someone who was a black belt. He taught me that when you're sparring, don't even get mad if someone gets in a good hit. Anger gets you out of balance and you'll never fight well if you get emotionally out of balance with anger. I learned that if someone "gets you" it is an opportunity to see where you are "open." In a way, they are doing you a favor by showing you where you need to improve! He taught me to think of it as a game of tag. If you are tagged, that's where you can improve your moves or your game--or your life perspective!

Emotionally, I use this lesson the same way. When I felt the sting of hurtful words, I got to see where I had an opportunity to grow. Now I think about those same words and don't feel sad or bad at all. I see how the guy who wrote them revealed a puny part of himself and nothing more. How sad for him.

Some friends were talking to me yesterday about the Pixar animated movie "Ratatouille." They gave me a whole talk about how it's not really a kids' movie, but a deep film! (I'll need to watch it again from that perspective!) The point they made, a point well taken, was that even the the best review by a critic is still worth less than the actual act of being creative! Creative or Critical? How easy it is to be critical, what an investment to be creative.

So next time someone criticizes you, check your perspective. If it is someone you respect, you may have something to learn. If it is from someone who is simply blowing hot air, you can let it go. Know that you can rise above. And when you do rise, you'll be stronger and even more confident.

Keep shining!
Love,
Aunt Laya

A great resource for help.

2008-07-21T21:50:00.003+03:00

http://www.recoveryourlife.com

You'll find a lot of information, support, articles, and even some fun stuff.

These are the forum categories you'll find in the advice section there:

Self Harm

Suicide

Eating Disorders

Mental Health

Abuse and Bullying

Drugs and Alcohol

First Aid Advice and Information

You are not alone no matter what is happening.
You can ask for help and it is OK to ask for help.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Get Out of Your Own Way!!!

2008-07-20T11:39:00.003+03:00

What does that mean?

Sometimes you have a desire or a goal but you feel stuck, right? There are lots of things you can do to move yourself in the direction of your dreams or goals or desires, but if your mindset-- your way of thinking about things--isn't clear, you might be sabotaging yourself!!!

One major example is the balance of a person's ego. Now there is a lot said about people who have a big ego, they only seem to think about (and look after and talk about) themselves all the time. They are not so great to be around. The other side of the coin is when someone feels badly about themselves. Guess what? They also have an out of balance ego. They are also only thinking about themselves!!! Either way is out of balance.

What can you do about it?

I'm going to introduce you to a new form of therapy that I've created. It's called "Get Over It."

"Whaaaa... they make fun of me."
Get over it!

"I'm not pretty enough."
Get Over It.

I never get the good stuff.
Get Over It.

Listen, sometimes crying is what people need. And when you need to cry, let it flow--and then LET IT GO.

Do you hear me?

But it's not fair.
Get Over It.

Do you want to spend your time whining? Or would you rather spend your time in JOY? I highly recommend joy when ever appropriate. How can you find your way to more joy? Start with the basics. Gratitude is one of the most powerful tools to joy and contentment. If you know me at all, you know I'm all about empowerment.

So, get out of your own way, stop whining, and step into your power.
Blink by blink, one minute at a time, one day at a time, one week at a time, one year at a time.

You CAN do this!

Love,
Aunt Laya

Good looking? Attractive? Ugly? Alone?

2008-07-20T09:20:00.007+03:00

A long time ago I was a make-up artist in Hollywood. I worked with movie stars and models. I saw them first thing in the morning, no make up, hair a rumpled mess. Here's what I learned:

Not many of them are really such "natural beauties". A lot of what you see as "beautiful" is in the presentation. Kind of like if you put a plain hamburger on a big old plate it's sort of sad looking but if you put it on a bit of lettuce, garnish with pickles, and put some fries next to it, it looks more appetizing. Or like if you just stick a bunch of flowers in a plastic cup, they are kind of blah. But if you take the same flowers and put them in a nice vase and arrange them so there's balance, the same flowers look nicer.

With a person, a good hair cut and hair style go a long way. Clothes that fit make a huge difference. Make-up doesn't have to be heavy to accent a nice feature. Less is most often best. If you're not sure where to get help with your hair, ask someone who's haircut you like where they get it cut. (Get referrals!!) Hygiene is important: teeth brushed, hair clean, nails clean and clean clothes too.

Attitude makes the biggest difference of all. Confidence makes people more attractive. Sometimes actors "act" confident even when they aren't really all that secure. I found the less talented actors tended to have the biggest egos. The very talented actors and singers were secure and confident and (usually) behaved very professionally. A sense of humor goes a long way in creating attractiveness.

A smiling face is much more handsome than a sour face.

I found and still find that as I get to know people, the nicer they are, the more their beauty grows in my eyes. The more obnoxious they are, the less attractive they seem. One of the reasons we think so many performers are beautiful is because we have come to know them through their work and that makes them seem like more. What that means is that kindness is actually a characteristic of beauty. (Which, I'll keep reminding you does not mean you don't have boundaries. Kindness becomes self destructive if you don't have boundaries.)

Do not buy into the myth that beauty is "perfection."
Perfect beauty can only be seen using the eyes of the heart and soul.

If you are alive, you are full of majesty and beauty. Everyone who is looking for true love is looking for something different and true love is not based on bra size or hair color, it's not based on how much skin is revealed. It is not based on expensive jeans or designer sunglasses and a man does not need a six pack to find lasting love.

When you look at yourself in the mirror and you want to see something attractive looking back, consider what exactly do you want to attract?

I'm here to tell you right now that there is someone who can and will love you for who you are if you let your truest self shine through. Think of your body as an accessory. Take care of it. Present yourself well (this is not about the more skin the better). And most of all, let your heart and imagination, your brains, your humor, and your goodness shine.

Keep shining!
Love,
Aunt Laya

With gratitude to Clarita and Morguefile.com

Can you taste the sweet?

2008-07-08T10:19:00.005+03:00

Life has it's hard times and I talk a lot about how to get through the tough stuff. It's also important to see what is working and what is great. We all have a lot to be grateful about.

A famous performer was interviewed about her abusive past. She talked about the horrific things her mother did to her. And yet, she said she was grateful! Why? Because her mother, who was clearly mentally unstable--like really sick--never crossed the line to take her life. So this woman was grateful that her mother never killed her. And she made a great life for herself!

I share that extreme story because I want you to be able to see the sweetness that you have available in this life. I heard a great metaphor: If you're not tasting the sweetness of life then you aren't really opening up to the good there is for you. It's like trying to taste a lollipop with the wrapper on!

Exercise of the day: Get some kind of sweet that you really like to eat--watermelon, chocolate, mints, whatever. Pause for a minute before you eat it and pay attention to what's going to happen in your mouth when you taste it. Then enjoy the taste as it explodes in your mouth. (There are some people who do not have the sense of taste right now, this is a gift.) Gratitude is good.

Can you make a list of things (even in your head) that you have taken for granted?

Taste the sweetness. Hear the music. Feel the cool breeze at the end of a summer's day. Look into the eyes (or hearts) of the people who love you.

Have a great summer!

Love,
Aunt Laya

Photos from morguefile.com
Thank you to xandert and Cheryl Rankin!

If you can't afford to buy my book...

2008-07-07T09:59:00.004+03:00

Please write me through my website. If you can't afford to buy the book, I'll send you the e-book for free, no strings attached.

I want any teen who wants to read my book to have access to it, and I really mean that. I want to empower young people (of any age). Knowledge, especially self knowledge, is empowering. So if you have read a sample at my website or Amazon, and want more, you can get the e-book version as simply as sending me a note and telling me you want the e-book.

Summer is a great time to take time for yourself.

Quote for the day: “You create your opportunities by asking for them." Shakti Gawain

Love,
Aunt Laya

Welcome PostSecret Community!

2008-07-01T07:43:00.006+03:00

I want to welcome visitors from the PostSecret community. I've posted about that amazing blog before. Frank Warren, the creator of PostSecret put me on the Hopeline Blogroll since I posted the video about Hopeline below. Now I don't do tracking (don't know how) and I have no clue how many visitors I get, but I do know I've gotten visitors through that link, so welcome!

People's hearts are wrapped up in their secrets. For some people, letting a secret out is liberating. For some, knowing someone else has the same secret is comforting--we're not alone in our life's experiences.

Maybe the wondrous thing about sharing a secret is knowing you'll still be lovable. Maybe it's knowing that you really do have the power to change (thoughts, feelings, actions) or that it's OK to cry, or that it's OK to laugh.

Mostly I think it's about letting light into the darkest places, letting go, connecting, healing, and rising. That's my mission: to let light into lives, to inspire, and to empower people. I hope you will explore and find a little tidbit that will lift your day while you're here. I'd love to hear from you!

Love and blessings,
Laya

Thanks to ronnieb and morguefile.com for the wonderful photo

It's OK to ask for help

2008-06-29T10:48:00.003+03:00

Call, if you need to.
Contribute a dollar or more if you can.
Volunteer, YOU will be changed!
Pray, because your prayers rock Heaven and Earth.

With love and blessings,
Aunt Laya

You Are What You Think!

2008-06-10T23:02:00.005+03:00

What do you think about? "Down" thoughts will bring you "down." As T. Harv Eker says, "Crap moves at the speed of crap." So, if you want to feel good, think good things.

Imagine your success. Imagine the people you love and the people who love you.

Look around. If your environment is full of things that have bad memories, get rid of them.
Surround yourself with things that are uplifting to you.

Listen to music or motivational talks that make you feel energetic or enthusiastic. You can see lots of the top motivational speakers online for free on any of the channels where you view videos.

When I'm having a hard time falling asleep, I've trained myself to "think happy thoughts." I recommend it highly! What are happy thoughts for you? If your mind is cluttered with negative thoughts or busy thoughts of "things to do," write them down. Tear up the list of negative thoughts and toss them. Put the "things to do" list to the side and look at it when you're in business mode. Letting go is a great way for your mind to do its best work and you'll be surprised with the results. This sounds easier than it actually is. You may need to create a list of "happy thoughts" so that if you find your mind wandering to the negative side, you can remind yourself from the list.

The direction you look will be the direction you move toward. That law works whether you're driving, walking, or directing your life path.

What do you choose?

Love,
Aunt Laya

With gratitude to cohdra and morguefile.com for the amazing photo!

Depression

2008-05-29T17:22:00.004+03:00

There are way too many people today who are feeling sad. Sometimes there are good reasons to feel sad. If you have a loss--loss of a job, a pet, or worse, those are real reasons to feel sad. Life always has a way of giving people hard times. Some things we don't have a choice about--like our past.

Sometimes people feel sad in a way that feels like it will never end.

Here are ideas to move you from sad to happier.

REST
One thing that is really important in everyone's well being is rest. Make sure you are getting enough rest each night. Lots of people take naps during the day, and that can be a great thing too.

If you find yourself sleeping most of the time, that is a symptom that you need professional help. You may have a medical or hormonal imbalance. It could be lots of things. It could also be that you are not facing something that you need to face in your life. Getting help is courageous and right.

NUTRITION
Eating too much sugar can actually make you feel sad. It can throw your whole system off. If you find that you're sad a lot, eat less sugar for a start.

WATER YOURSELF!
Not drinking enough water is the topic of whole books. Make sure you're drinking water first thing in the morning to get things flowing in your body. Your brain will function better and all your organs too. Your body is made up mostly of water so drink your eight glasses a day! (not Coke, not juice, water!)

BODY CHEMISTRY
The vitamins I recommend for anyone dealing with sadness are:

A good vitamin B complex. Make sure it's gentle and not a high dose. Take with food.

EFA's: That stands for Essential Fatty Acids. A 3-6-9 formula is good. It will keep your brain lubed.

Exercise:
Whole studies have been done that show exercise is an effective anti-depressant! Get moving. Do something you'll enjoy, walking, martial arts, swimming, biking to name a few. Get a buddy to move with you then you'll show up even when you don't feel like it. You'll be glad you did.

Choose your attitude!
You can do this.
More next time,
Love,
Aunt Laya

Update from Aunt Laya

2008-05-21T22:52:00.004+03:00

Hi Everyone! I just thought you might like an update about the things that are going on for me this month.

First, my exciting news is that my book has won an award! It's called an Indie Award and it was for the Young Adult Non-fiction category. I'm pretty pleased. I wrote "You Don't Have to Learn Everything the Hard Way" to make life easier or smoother for readers. Based on the letters I get, the book is doing what I hoped it would. On the other hand, it's nice to be acknowledged by people who are in the book business.

I'll be going to California for the Book Expo America at the end of this month. It's a great event for networking and being involved with the publishing industry. I went last year and met some wonderful people. I came away with loads of books and that was a sweet benefit since I love to read.

If you are in southern California and would like me to come speak to your group, club, class, school, etc., go over to my website and send me a message with contact info and I'll do my best to set it up, schedule permitting. While you're in the neighborhood, feel free to tell me what's on your mind in general. I LOVE to hear from readers.

I'll write from the road when I can.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Peak Performers

2008-05-12T21:10:00.003+03:00

This is a beautiful story.

Do what is right and what is good.
Do it beyond logic.

Love,
Aunt Laya

CyberBullying

2008-05-01T20:22:00.002+03:00

If you or someone you know is being cyberbullied, please watch this video.

"Dusting" -- Please read

2008-04-17T17:06:00.003+03:00

I received the following in an email from a friend. It is a real letter written by a real dad about a tragic loss in his life.

If you are a teen, PLEASE, take care of yourself and don't play with this. Write me if you want and I'll help you brainstorm alternatives.

If you are a parent, PLEASE, talk with your kids about this.

Many blessings to all of my readers for a beautiful, healthy, and wondrous spring. May great things blossom for each of you!

Love,
Aunt Laya

"D U S T I N G"

First, I'm going to tell you a little about me and my family. My name is Jeff. I am a Police Officer for a city which is known nationwide for its crime rate. We have a lot of gangs and drugs. At one point we were #2 in the nation in homicides per capita. I also have a police K-9 named Thor. He was certified in drugs and general duty. He retired at 3 years old because he was shot in the line of duty. He lives with us now and I still train with him because he likes it. I always liked the fact that there was no way to bring drugs into my house. Thor wouldn't allow it. He would tell on you. The reason I say this is so you understand that I know about drugs.

I have taught in schools about drugs. My wife asks all our kids at least once a week if they used any drugs. Makes them promise they won't.

I like building computers occasionally and started building a new one in February 2005. I also was working on some of my older computers. They were full of dust so on one of my trips to the computer store I bought a 3 pack of DUST OFF. Dust Off is a can of compressed air to blow dust off a computer. A few weeks later when I went to use one of them they were all used. I talked to my kids and my two sons both said they had used them on their computer and messing around with them. I yelled at them for wasting the 10 dollars I paid for them.

On February 28 I went back to the computer store. They didn't have the 3 pack which I had bought on sale so I bought a single jumbo can of Dust Off. I went home and set it down beside my computer. On March 1st, I left for work at 10 PM. Just before midnight my wife went down and kissed Kyle goodnight. At 5:30 am the next morning Kathy went downstairs to wake Kyle up for school, before she left for work. He was propped up in bed with his legs crossed and his head leaning over. She called to him a few times to get up .. He didn't move. He would sometimes tease her like this and pretend he fell back asleep. He was never easy to get up. She went in and shook his arm. He fell over. He was pale white and had the straw from the Dust Off can coming out of his mouth. He had the new can of Dust Off in his hands. Kyle was dead.

I am a police officer and I had never heard of this. My wife is a nurse and she had never heard of this. We later found out from the coroner, after the autopsy, that only the propellant from the can of Dust off was in his system. No other drugs. Kyle had died between midnight and 1 AM. I found out that using Dust Off is being done mostly by kids ages 9 through 15. They even have a name for it. It's called dusting. A take off from the Dust Off name. It gives them a slight high for about 10 seconds. It makes them dizzy. A boy who lives down the street from us showed Kyle how to do this about a month before. Kyle showed his best friend. Told him it was cool and it couldn't hurt you. It's just compressed air. It can't hurt you. His best friend said no.

Kyle was wrong. It's not just compressed air. It also contains a propellant called R2. It's a refrigerant like what is used in your refrigerator. It is a heavy gas, heavier than air. When you inhale it, it fills your lungs and keeps the good air, with oxygen, out that's why you feel dizzy, buzzed. It decreases the oxygen to your brain, to your heart. Kyle was right. It can't hurt you. IT KILLS YOU!

The horrible part about this is there is no warning. There is no level that kills you. It's not cumulative or an overdose; it can just go randomly, terribly wrong. Roll the dice and if your number comes up you die. IT'S NOT AN OVERDOSE. It's Russian Roulette. You don't die later. Or not feel good and say I've had too much. You usually die as you're breathing it in, if not, you die within 2 seconds of finishing "the hit." That's why the straw was still in Kyle's mouth when he died. Why his eyes were still open.

The experts want to call this huffing.. The kids don't believe its huffing. As adults we tend to lump many things together. But it doesn't fit here. And that's why it's more accepted. There is no chemical reaction, no strong odor. It doesn't follow the huffing signals. Kyle complained a few days before he died of his tongue hurting. It probably did. The propellant causes frostbite. If I had only known. It's easy to say hey, it's my life and I'll do what I want. But it isn't. Others are always affected. This has forever changed our family's life. I have a hole in my heart and soul that can never be fixed. The pain is so immense I can't describe it. There's nowhere to run from it. I cry all the time and I don't ever cry. I do what I'm supposed to do but I don't really care. My kids are messed up. One won't talk about it. The other will only sleep in our room at night. And my wife, I can't even describe how bad she is taking this. I thought we were safe because of Thor. I thought we were safe because we knew about drugs and talked to our kids about them.

After Kyle died another story came out. A probation Officer went to the school system next to ours to speak with a student. While there he found a student using Dust Off in the bathroom. This student told him about another student who also had some in his locker. This is a rather affluent school system. They will tell you they don't have a drug problem there. They don't even have a dare or plus program there. So rather than tell everyone about this "new" way of getting high they found, they hid it.

The probation officer told the media after Kyle's death and they, the school, then admitted to it. I know that if they would have told the media and I had heard, it wouldn't have been in my house.

We need to get this out of our homes and school computer labs. Using Dust Off isn't new and some "professionals" do know about. It jus t isn't talked about much, except by the kids. They all seem to know about it.

April 2nd was 1 month since Kyle died. April 5th would have been his 15th birthday. And every weekday I catch myself sitting on the living room couch at 2:30 in the afternoon and waiting to see him get off the bus. I know Kyle is in heaven but I can't help but wonder if I died and went to Hell.

Mistakes!

2008-03-25T11:18:00.004+02:00

"A life spent in making mistakes is not only more honorable
but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." ~ George Bernard Shaw

Don't be afraid of making mistakes. It's one of the ways we learn. Learn from your mistakes and then move forward.

Dream your dreams, do the thing that gives your life meaning. If you're doing something that doesn't make your heart sing--in the big picture, nothing is always perfectly wonderful, there are challenges in even the best of choices--you can always change direction, change your mind, regroup, and move ahead in the direction you want to be moving!

One of the beautiful gifts that life experience brings is that each mistake you make shapes you. You have more experience and you get to make more choices from a position of deeper understanding.

Be true to you. (and be honest with yourself!)

Remember:

"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." ~ Albert Einstein

Keep shining!
Love,
Aunt Laya

photo (c) 2008, Laya Saul
This photo may be used with permission with a credit and link to this blog :-)

Message to Teens

2008-03-10T09:59:00.001+02:00

Here's my latest video from You Tube:

I'd love to hear what you think.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Mini workshop: $37.99 value, FREE!

2008-03-03T22:26:00.005+02:00

SUCCESS FORMULA!

What do you want to accomplish?

It's your life. What's important to you? Have you made your list?

Dream big, write it all down and then ask yourself, "If I could only do ONE of these things, which one would it be?" Now you know what's important to you, really important.

So how do you accomplish what you want?

Here are four pieces of the puzzle--four elements you need to get together:
Attitude
Do you have right thinking? Do you believe in yourself? Do you know you are worth it?
Tools
Do you have what you need? If you don't, make a list and get it together. If you want to go rock climbing, you'll need the right equipment. What do you need? What do you need to get those tools together?
Skills
Do you know how to do what you need to do? Want to be in a triathlon? You gotta know how to swim. If you don't know how to swim, then even with goggles and the best attitude in the world you can't get in the water. No one can know how to do it all, that's where learning from others comes in: read, take a class, practice. This is called growing! (It's a good thing.)
Action
Once you know what you want, believe you can accomplish it and have a strong desire, gather the tools you'll need, and learn the skills, you can take the steps to create your dreams. Break it down into small bite sized pieces. Create a time line or a new habit.
Persistence
Be relentless. Move forward. If you fall--that's OK! Get back up. Take another step forward.

You CAN do this!
Love,
Aunt Laya

What do you REALLY want?

2008-02-29T09:06:00.004+02:00

This is a most basic of questions. Ask yourself, "What do I want?"

There's a catchy phrase that says, "You've got to name it to claim it."

If you don't know where you're going, then you're wandering aimlessly. If you know where you want to go, then you can make a plan to get there. If you know what you want, then you can make a plan of action. A plan of action is as simple as putting one foot in front of the other. It can be as simple as noticing, "I'm hungry," as a start. Then you have to decide what you want to eat. A sandwich? What kind? What do I need to do to prepare it? Sound simple? It is a simple process but we are usually so busy with the small stuff that we haven't learned how to listen to the inner voice whispers your heart's desires. Do you remember the first time you cooked something "all by yourself?" It's a big accomplishment when a young kid cooks for the first time. If you're in new territory, go easy on yourself. Each step you take is a big accomplishment!

Now transfer that understanding to what's next in your life. Take one small goal that would mean a lot to you and break it down into small action steps. Don't try to do it all at once.

Q. How do you eat an elephant?
A. One bite at a time!

Small steps add up in big ways.

Goals don't have to be big, out-in-the-world things. Reading a book is one page at a time. Writing a book is also one page at a time. Filling in your photo album is one page at a time (or just gathering all you photos in to one place might be a start).

Sometimes it's hard to get to what you really want and talking things through with someone you trust is helpful. No one said you have to do this alone!

The idea here is: be honest with yourself about what you want. Dig deep. You're worth the effort. Then, take one step in that direction. Then, take another step.

You can do this! One small thing, right now... go!

Love,
Aunt Laya

Women and Money, Free e-book for a short time!

2008-02-14T12:34:00.004+02:00

I just got this email and downloaded the book so wanted to pass it along. If you're reading this post after the offer expires, I've left it on my blog on purpose, because anyone who is being that generous deserves the promotion.

Very limited time offer!
On Oprah (Wednesday) Suze Orman helped
a woman whose husband committed suicide
leaving her with 4 children, $72 in her checking
account, and piles and piles of debt.

At the program's conclusion Oprah said: go to www.Oprah.com, go to Suze's ($24.95) book

Women & Money: Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny

and download it (all 300 pages) for FREE.

Keep trying ... a very busy site.

You may only have hours left for the download and the deal is we may not share the file to others, so hurry!

Love,
Laya

When people make you mad and frustrated...

2008-01-22T09:41:00.000+02:00

Sometimes we are around people who act like real jerks. Feeling frustrated or mad or hurt is a part of life. It happens to everyone. No one likes feeling like that so how do we cut down on that time so we can spend more time in balance and pleasure? Here's a key that changed my life when I learned it!

Stick with me here--this may not be such an easy thing to wrap your brain around right away.

When someone is acting in a way that's not so nice, it means that they are in pain and what they really need is a blessing!

What does that mean? How do you bless someone? You say (out loud if you can but you don't have to) good wishes and words of kindness. This isn't always easy at first but neither was walking the first time you tried it and now you don't need to think about it, right? This takes less time that memorizing your times tables and it feels really great. You have to try this to know what I'm talking about. Here's how I apply it:

When someone cuts me off in traffic (something that I've always thought to be rude and dangerous), I have to tell you, I don't start off feeling all warm and fuzzy about blessing that person. I start talking anyway, usually something like this: "May you be blessed to get home safe and sound, may you enjoy time with your family, your children and even grandchildren. May you live a long life and have the privilege of seeing your grandchildren walk down the aisle!" Most of the time when I bless someone in this situation, they never even know about it! They don't need to know about it. By the time I get to the end of the blessing, I really mean every word of it and guess what? I feel better. I'm happier, balanced and I feel empowered.

Scientific studies have been done about prayer and healing that show how very effective it is. If prayer was a drug it would be for sale on the market. A blessing is like a prayer. It may or may not change the person you're blessing (I think it does) but for sure it changes the one speaking the blessing, in this case, you!

Here's another real life way I used this one. My husband and I were going to park in front of a lady's house. She didn't like the idea of all the cars on her street and made it really clear to us that the space in front of her house was not open to us. All she had to do was ask us not to park there--no problem. But, no, she had to start right away by yelling at us, a grown woman yelling at me! Crazy. I felt a rush of adrenaline when she started yelling. I started to say "Just ask, no problem," but she wouldn't hear it at all. So, I started to bless her. Out loud. She yelled over my words, so I closed my eyes and just kept on. She stopped yelling and just stood there looking at me as I went on with my blessing. Her eyes turned kind and she pointed just across the way and said, "that looks like an open spot right there." Now, maybe she thought I was crazy, but by the time we had parked and left, she stood smiling at us. We were both transformed.

You can use this with anyone in your life. Use it on yourself too! It is one of the most powerful tools ever.

May you be blessed to find kind words when you need them. May you be blessed to hear kind words when you need them the most. If you need a "love note", write me, it's what I do.

Love,
Aunt Laya

P.S. As always, if you think someone is dangerous, get away. You can bless them later from a distance. Stay safe. <3

With gratitude to Morguefile.com and EmmiP for the photo!

What I've been up to...

2008-01-20T21:24:00.000+02:00

Click Here! to see what I've been learning how to do. Please let me know what you think, how I can improve, what you'd like me to talk about... feel free to email me through my website for confidentiality.

My book is hot off the press and will be at Amazon ready for delivery before too long. I'm very excited about it and will keep you posted.

Meantime, remember that you DO have the power to create the life YOU want to live.

More soon,
Love,
Aunt Laya

Check this out!

2007-12-31T11:06:00.000+02:00

www.freerice.com

It's a word game (improve your vocabulary).
Supports feeding hungry people.

Be good, do good.

Love,
Aunt Laya

The Power to Create Happy Relationships!!!

2007-12-07T06:15:00.000+02:00

I learned something interesting. It's something I've heard before in different ways and I've heard it enough times now that I understand its importance and know it's something that needs to be passed on to others. This is the balance of 5:1:

For every one negative thing that happens in a relationship (criticism, harsh look, reprimand, etc.) it takes FIVE positive actions to balance it.

What that means to us in real life is that for every unpleasant thing we experience or do in our relationship, we need FIVE kind or loving acts to balance the scale.

Do you get what that means? This is very empowering for us all!!! Now that we know this (which has been studied through observations of many relationships) we can heal and direct our relationships for the good.

Being aware of this will improve any relationship. Parents, kids, employees, students, friends.

Experiment of the day:
Talk to the people you live with and set up this experiment: Put out two little dishes for each person. Fill one dish with pennies or marbles, doesn't matter, any small object will do. For each compliment or kind act move one object into the second dish. For every criticism remove five. The goal is to (as naturally as you can) fill up the second dish and keep it full.

Keep shining.
Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to southernfried at Morguefile.com for the perfect photo!

You light up this world

2007-12-04T03:07:00.000+02:00

Just one candle can bring a room from darkness into light.

You light up this world--just by being here!

Keep shining.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to danielito and Morguefile.com for the photo

Getting through hard times

2007-11-25T12:47:00.000+02:00

Sometimes life sends you a whammy and it doesn't feel good at all! Someone says something that hurts, or looks at you in a way that stings. Sometimes people are rude, or the project you're working on isn't working out. Or maybe you worked hard on something and it seems like every obstacle that could possibly show up, does--and then some! Hard stuff.

Hang on! Take a deep breath.

This is a test, it is only a test. The purpose of the test is to help you grow. The 'Universe', God, Spirit, your Higher Power, what ever you want to call it, is sending you a lesson so that you can become stronger and grow.

It doesn't matter who you are, what you do, how much you weigh, how tall you are, male, female, or how old you are. It doesn't matter if you are experienced or not. Life will send you lessons and they will NOT be comfortable.

And guess what? That's OK! It really is. Because if you're reading this right now, I'm here to tell you, you can get through this test and you can use this experience to make you stronger. You can use any experience to your advantage and flourish in AMAZING ways. Amazing! Do you hear me? Amazing! I'm not exaggerating.

What ever tests life presents you with are there for a reason. In the end even the hardest stuff will turn out to be for the best because you'll be a better person. You can learn and grow and you are always stronger in the end, even if it doesn't feel like that's possible right now.

When you find yourself in one of the 'tests' of life, hang in there. If you don't 'get it' the first time around, it will come around again and you can catch the lesson the next round.

All along the way, remember that you are not alone. Everyone else is being tested, sometimes the same tests, sometimes different, but we're all tested. Even the people who look like they have it all together... you'd be amazed at the stories each one of us carries.

You can handle anything that comes your way. Keep breathing, ask for help when you need it. Be good to you and those around you.

With lots of love and some cyber (((((hugs))))) too!
Aunt Laya

Thank you to kakisky and Morguefile.com for the great photo!

Aunt Laya

Have you seen my website lately?

Why is this happening to me?

New Blog!

Joy

"And the way to sing the song of joy is by seeking the good in all people, especially in our selves. Each good point is one more note in the song of life."

~Rebbe Nachman of Breslov

Thank you to morguefile.com and Scott Liddell for the perfectly amazing photo

Connect with me on Facebook

Sexually Active--choices, (not just for teens)

Love and Belonging

Humor

Area 51

Dream on

Caterpillar Soup

What you can do about Bullies

It's there even if you can't see it

Are you smiling yet??

Best Teen Gifts for Guys and Girls

Quote for the hard times

You Are Not a Fly

The Secret to Staying Positive

Prostitution

How to Deal with Suffering in Life, Part 1

Staying connected

Online Parenting Retreat for Moms

Life on Fire

When the Past Haunts You

read this!

Freedom to Choose

The Butterfly Effect: You Matter

More of the good in life

No Shame

It's OK to ask for HELP

Heck Yeah!

How great is your mind?

Confident. Not mousy, not cocky. Confident.

Gift for the Holidays?

Feeling Sorry for Yourself?

Transformng Jealously

No Bull

What gives your life meaning?

How to Have More Joy in Life

Inspiring Videos!!!

Fat-talk Free Week

At what price beauty?

Train Your Brain!

(Re) Inventing yourself

Jealousy

Disappointed?

I'm SO angry!!!

What do you want?

Now what do I do?

When will this end?

Tweet!

How long should you try?

Tool for Life - Reframing

How to say "I'm sorry"

HopeLine from the Heart--Suicide preention

How do you heal a broken heart?

Need some hope?

Advice for a Tree

Thank You

Pain is a Gift!

Celebrate!

Try Again

Challenges

Suicide and Depression

Help for Teens to Graduate High School

Overcoming Fear and Regret

Teens, Tweens, Parents, Teachers:

Relationship Help

Overcoming Fear

Deer-in-the-Headlights Syndrome

Need Some Inspiration?

"Take Wing"

Formula for a Fresh Start

Ouch! The Sting of Mean Words

A great resource for help.

Get Out of Your Own Way!!!

"And the way to sing the song of joy
is by seeking the good in all people,
especially in our selves.
Each good point is one more note in the song of life."