When will this end?

Sometimes people want to know when the challenges will end. The answer, not always so great to hear, is that they don't. Oh, you'll get a break from this challenge (and you may even be able to make some changes that bring that break sooner if you make the right choices). And, you should know, life is all about the challenges. In fact, your challenges are uniquely designed just for you--to shape you and grow you! This is better than a GPS that tells you how to get from one place to another, only life is more mysterious about it. You are given challenges so you can grow.

Now you have a choice to make. You can sit and whine about your challenges. You can cry the blues if you want to. Or, you can look for what your life's purpose is and live it to the fullest even in spite of your challenges. You can face your challenges and rise. You can face your challenges and get stronger by solving the puzzle of what to do about things. You get to create the life you want to live.

You get to choose. That is your power, the power of choice. Choose your attitude. Choose your next steps. You can ask for help if you need or want to; you don't have to go it alone. (Divine help (prayer is a great thing, just start talking), help from friends, try a seminar, or even a book.)

Hang in there when things feel challenging. Like all of life, there is a pulse. Energy comes in waves so there are times for resting and times for working, times for grieving and times for celebrating. For sure you'll have more challenges in life as the months and years unfold before you. And for sure, if you pay attention, you'll see the many blessings too. You might just even see the blessings in the challenges if you pay close attention.

Love,

Aunt Laya

I took this photo. So, thanks to the people who designed digital. :-)

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Love,
Aunt Laya

When people make you mad and frustrated...

Sometimes we are around people who act like real jerks. Feeling frustrated or mad or hurt is a part of life. It happens to everyone. No one likes feeling like that so how do we cut down on that time so we can spend more time in balance and pleasure? Here's a key that changed my life when I learned it!

Stick with me here--this may not be such an easy thing to wrap your brain around right away.

When someone is acting in a way that's not so nice, it means that they are in pain and what they really need is a blessing!

What does that mean? How do you bless someone? You say (out loud if you can but you don't have to) good wishes and words of kindness. This isn't always easy at first but neither was walking the first time you tried it and now you don't need to think about it, right? This takes less time that memorizing your times tables and it feels really great. You have to try this to know what I'm talking about. Here's how I apply it:

When someone cuts me off in traffic (something that I've always thought to be rude and dangerous), I have to tell you, I don't start off feeling all warm and fuzzy about blessing that person. I start talking anyway, usually something like this: "May you be blessed to get home safe and sound, may you enjoy time with your family, your children and even grandchildren. May you live a long life and have the privilege of seeing your grandchildren walk down the aisle!" Most of the time when I bless someone in this situation, they never even know about it! They don't need to know about it. By the time I get to the end of the blessing, I really mean every word of it and guess what? I feel better. I'm happier, balanced and I feel empowered.

Scientific studies have been done about prayer and healing that show how very effective it is. If prayer was a drug it would be for sale on the market. A blessing is like a prayer. It may or may not change the person you're blessing (I think it does) but for sure it changes the one speaking the blessing, in this case, you!

Here's another real life way I used this one. My husband and I were going to park in front of a lady's house. She didn't like the idea of all the cars on her street and made it really clear to us that the space in front of her house was not open to us. All she had to do was ask us not to park there--no problem. But, no, she had to start right away by yelling at us, a grown woman yelling at me! Crazy. I felt a rush of adrenaline when she started yelling. I started to say "Just ask, no problem," but she wouldn't hear it at all. So, I started to bless her. Out loud. She yelled over my words, so I closed my eyes and just kept on. She stopped yelling and just stood there looking at me as I went on with my blessing. Her eyes turned kind and she pointed just across the way and said, "that looks like an open spot right there." Now, maybe she thought I was crazy, but by the time we had parked and left, she stood smiling at us. We were both transformed.

You can use this with anyone in your life. Use it on yourself too! It is one of the most powerful tools ever.

May you be blessed to find kind words when you need them. May you be blessed to hear kind words when you need them the most. If you need a "love note", write me, it's what I do.

Love,
Aunt Laya

P.S. As always, if you think someone is dangerous, get away. You can bless them later from a distance. Stay safe. <3

With gratitude to Morguefile.com and EmmiP for the photo!

Love the Unlovely

I was reading a book* and saw these words: "Love the Unlovely". Those simple words really struck a chord in me. Sometimes the people we love the most do not act so very "lovely" to us. Sometimes little kids are crabby, sometimes it's teens that act "unlovely", or neighbors or parents or… we have the power to set the tone for our lives and love people through what ever is going on. How do you do that?

Here's something a wise woman taught me: when someone is saying or doing things that aren't so nice, it means that person is in pain. “What they really need is a blessing," she told me. So I tried it. The next time someone cut me off in traffic with an attitude, I blessed them. Right out loud I started saying things like, “I hope you get where you’re going safely. I hope you have many joyous times to celebrate with your family. I hope you live to a ripe old age and see beautiful healthy grandchildren.” Even if the driver of the other car is a young teenager, I bless him with these things. Usually they never hear me, but I hear myself. When I start blessing people who are grouchy or rude, I don’t always mean it when I begin but by the time I’m well into it, my heart is open and I mean every word. And guess what? I feel better. The tension in my body is released, I can take a deep breath, and I can move on to things that are more meaningful to me.

I used to work with teens that were placed in a residential treatment facility. They were boys that were neglected, abused or delinquent. I remember one boy who would get pretty cranky. I would sort of sing, “I love you!” He usually just walked away. Once I was the one who was short tempered and snapped, “I don’t have time for this right now.” He smiled and said, “I love you, too!” Boy, it felt nice to have those words come back at me—over fifteen years later, I still remember it.

May you be blessed to look for and find the words that will bless you and others! Take one step, one breath, at a time.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Please note: If someone is abusive or cruel, if they do things that tear you apart body or emotions, you may need to get to a safe place. In this post I'm talking about safe situations when someone is just out of balance with their emotions or mouth! If you need help getting away from an abusive situation; if you feel threatened, please search for safe houses or hotlines in your area, or a telephone hotline where someone can help you. If you're a kid, ask a teacher or counselor for help and keep asking until you get the help you need. Abuse of any kind, sexual or physical or emotional is not okay. It’s the right thing to ask for help to get out of an abusive situation!

*The book is 50 Great Tips, Tricks & Techniques to Connect with Your Teen by Debra Hapenny Ciavola, Ph.D.

photo from www.MorgueFile.com by Dani Simmonds