Relationship Help

This is one of the best videos I've seen in a long time.
I hope you are as inspired as I am by this one.


Love,
Aunt Laya

The Power to Create Happy Relationships!!!

I learned something interesting. It's something I've heard before in different ways and I've heard it enough times now that I understand its importance and know it's something that needs to be passed on to others. This is the balance of 5:1:

For every one negative thing that happens in a relationship (criticism, harsh look, reprimand, etc.) it takes FIVE positive actions to balance it.

What that means to us in real life is that for every unpleasant thing we experience or do in our relationship, we need FIVE kind or loving acts to balance the scale.

Do you get what that means? This is very empowering for us all!!! Now that we know this (which has been studied through observations of many relationships) we can heal and direct our relationships for the good.

Being aware of this will improve any relationship. Parents, kids, employees, students, friends.

Experiment of the day:
Talk to the people you live with and set up this experiment: Put out two little dishes for each person. Fill one dish with pennies or marbles, doesn't matter, any small object will do. For each compliment or kind act move one object into the second dish. For every criticism remove five. The goal is to (as naturally as you can) fill up the second dish and keep it full.

Keep shining.
Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to southernfried at Morguefile.com for the perfect photo!

Love the Unlovely

I was reading a book* and saw these words: "Love the Unlovely". Those simple words really struck a chord in me. Sometimes the people we love the most do not act so very "lovely" to us. Sometimes little kids are crabby, sometimes it's teens that act "unlovely", or neighbors or parents or… we have the power to set the tone for our lives and love people through what ever is going on. How do you do that?

Here's something a wise woman taught me: when someone is saying or doing things that aren't so nice, it means that person is in pain. “What they really need is a blessing," she told me. So I tried it. The next time someone cut me off in traffic with an attitude, I blessed them. Right out loud I started saying things like, “I hope you get where you’re going safely. I hope you have many joyous times to celebrate with your family. I hope you live to a ripe old age and see beautiful healthy grandchildren.” Even if the driver of the other car is a young teenager, I bless him with these things. Usually they never hear me, but I hear myself. When I start blessing people who are grouchy or rude, I don’t always mean it when I begin but by the time I’m well into it, my heart is open and I mean every word. And guess what? I feel better. The tension in my body is released, I can take a deep breath, and I can move on to things that are more meaningful to me.

I used to work with teens that were placed in a residential treatment facility. They were boys that were neglected, abused or delinquent. I remember one boy who would get pretty cranky. I would sort of sing, “I love you!” He usually just walked away. Once I was the one who was short tempered and snapped, “I don’t have time for this right now.” He smiled and said, “I love you, too!” Boy, it felt nice to have those words come back at me—over fifteen years later, I still remember it.

May you be blessed to look for and find the words that will bless you and others! Take one step, one breath, at a time.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Please note: If someone is abusive or cruel, if they do things that tear you apart body or emotions, you may need to get to a safe place. In this post I'm talking about safe situations when someone is just out of balance with their emotions or mouth! If you need help getting away from an abusive situation; if you feel threatened, please search for safe houses or hotlines in your area, or a telephone hotline where someone can help you. If you're a kid, ask a teacher or counselor for help and keep asking until you get the help you need. Abuse of any kind, sexual or physical or emotional is not okay. It’s the right thing to ask for help to get out of an abusive situation!

*The book is 50 Great Tips, Tricks & Techniques to Connect with Your Teen by Debra Hapenny Ciavola, Ph.D.

photo from www.MorgueFile.com by Dani Simmonds

Jinx, private jinx!

What rules do you play by? Depends on the game, right? You know, if you want to play a game with other people, you all have to agree on the same rules to make the game work. Thing is, if someone is "playing games" in a way that is not so nice, guess what? You don't have to play!

My kids sometimes try to jinx me. Just in case you don't know, that's when two people say the same thing at the same time. One person says "jinx" and the other person can not speak until his name is said. At my house we just learned that there can also be a private jinx. That's when only the person who jinxed you can say your name to break the jinx. Guess what? I don't play! So the jinx doesn't work on me.

Next time someone is playing with you in a way that you don't like, walk away. You don't have to play.

When you do play, may you be blessed with times of laughter and sweet times with people you love and enjoy.

Love,
Aunt Laya

True colors

Have you ever spent any time watching peacocks? They are so beautiful and so majestic. But they get a bum rap. When someone is walking around all conceited, people sometimes use the expression, “he’s strutting like a peacock.” I think peacocks are very modest birds though. They are beautiful to be sure. The males are programmed to attract the females for mating but it’s not about ego.

Ego is about people having inflated feelings of superiority. On the other hand, ego can go out of balance the other way when people feel inferior or not good enough. Being in balance is not feeling superior or inferior. Everybody has areas of talent and areas of weakness. How do you value the rose over the orchid or the daisy over the daffodil? The peacock is bluer than an elephant, and elephant is stronger than a fox, a fox is craftier than a frog, and frog jumps farther than an oyster (who doesn’t jump at all), which produces pearls from its challenges.

The ballerina dances and pays the shoemaker for her shoes. The shoemaker needs the truck driver to deliver supplies. The truck driver buys his food from the farmer, who buys his clothes… we humans rely on each other for entertainment, food, shelter, clothes, beauty, strength, comfort.

Truth of the day: Who ever you are, what ever you do, you are a gift to this world!
Blessing of the day: Shine your true colors in the way that only you can do.