Sexually Active--choices, (not just for teens)

This is a PostSecret postcard from Sunday, April 3, 2011

How many people wish they could go back in time and tell themselves something? Lots of people would do things differently if they could go back in time, while others have no regrets since their past choices got them to where they are today. 

Here's the piece that some people don't get (yet): You may not get to go back in time to change things, but just because the past is what it is, does not mean you are stuck in that past right now.  You have the power of choice to create the you of right now. 

You can change your mind. 

You can change your attitude.

You can change your clothes.

You can change your goals.

You may redefine what is important to you in any moment.

You are a living, breathing being and your opportunity to blossom into the best  you is fresh with each breath. Ready? Set? Be true to you! (Even if it means surprising people. Even if it means surprising yourself.) 

Change means stepping out of what is familiar. That's OK, you are not alone. You can change and change again. Experiment with saying "no" when you mean "no" and see what happens inside over time.

I practice what I preach and this week I deepened my commitment to pay attention to the way I speak (or hopefully don't speak: no gossip). 

There is true power in self restraint (that serves you in positive ways).

Pick some thing in your life that you wish you could change. Be true and honest because no one else is in on this. Then take the risk of doing something simple, especially if it's hard for you to think of doing. Take heart. You CAN do this. 

Love,

Aunt Laya

You don't have to do anything you don't want to!

Recently someone asked for advice about a mistake that resulted in an embarrassing situation. She was pressured by some friends to do something she really didn't want to do.

Life is full of choices. When you make a poor choice about something, then you get another chance right away to make a choice about how you want to handle what happened. I always recommend learning from our mistakes (and the mistakes of others!). So, here's my answer:

First, you do not HAVE to do what other kids say. Got that? It doesn't matter if you were playing truth or dare; you don't have to do it. If an adult is asking you to do something and you're not clear about it, you can say you need to think about it and ask other trusted adults. It's true that I write for teens, but I know there are adults reading this too and the same goes for you! If someone tries to coax you or tries to pressure you into doing something you don't want to do, you get to say, "No." No, nope, not gonna, never, no way! What ever way works for you, don't cross a line that's not comfortable for you. Second, life has a way of "testing" us. You'll get to see if you learned this lesson on boundaries because you'll get tested again. It's just how life works. Practice. (Something like, "what part of 'no' don't you understand?" or "Is there a reason you’re not respecting my answer?") If someone doesn't take "no" for an answer, they are trying to manipulate you and you don't have to go there.

Second, when you do make a mistake, learn from it, but don't beat yourself up about it. That means, when the "test" comes around again, you can rise to it and respond in the way you really mean to. But do not waste your time feeling stupid. If a coach gives an athlete feedback on how to improve, the smart athelete takes the information, visualizes it over and over, and then does his best the next time. He keeps moving forward, not crying over the lost race or the bumbled what ever. Sure, it's natural to feel disappointment, but don't wallow in it. Move on and step up. Rise. One more time. Move yourself forward now because the lesson you learned means you have more life experience and you can make wiser choices. Even if you make the same mistake a hundred times, keep tweaking what you do until you get the results you want, whether it's in relationships, jobs or what ever. You learned to walk and tie your shoes; you can learn to say no when you need to.

Keep shining!

Love,
Aunt Laya

Photo by Mary R. Vogt from MorgueFile.com, thank you!

Boundaries

Are you holding boundaries that work for you? Are people overstepping their boundaries with you? Are you overstepping other people's boundaries?

It's okay to push past where you feel comfortable when you're growing, when you will get positive results for yourself or a greater good. But some things are really clear and I'm here to tell you that when you need to say NO, gather yourself up--even if you don't think you can--and say NO where it needs to be said.

Pay attention to that inner voice that lives inside of you. If you’re saying “no” on the inside, say “no” on the outside.

Say “yes” to yourself and what you know is right for you. If you're not sure if it's right to say "no" or not, ASK someone who is trustworthy.

You can do it!

Love,
Aunt Laya