Caterpillar Soup

This is not a recipe!!! 

Well, it’s not a recipe for something to eat.

We all know that caterpillars turn into butterflies, right? We know they spin a cocoon and then, some time later out pops a butterfly. But what’s happening inside the cocoon?

Once the caterpillar is snug in his cocoon, his entire body breaks down. It becomes a kind of a glob of liquidy “soup” that would not look like anything to us, much less a butterfly. Then, when all looks lost, a few cells, called imaginal cells spark the process that will turn that soup into a butterfly. The process has begun and the butterfly is formed!

It can be just like that for us humans in a way too. Sometimes it feels like life is breaking down all around you and things seem like they are all a mess. That is when you can remember that you are simply in your caterpillar soup!

Trust that the down times will not last, things will shift. Let the “imaginal cells” of your mind spark the visions of the good this world has for you (even if you can’t seem to find it right now).

Love,

Aunt Laya

With gratitude to morguefile.com and users xandert and jusben for the really great photos!

Quote for the hard times

If you're going through hell, 

keep going. 

~Winston Churchill

Thanks to Katy who I met on Facebook for the great quote!

Thanks to Imelenchon and morguefile.com for the photo. 

When will this end?

Sometimes people want to know when the challenges will end. The answer, not always so great to hear, is that they don't. Oh, you'll get a break from this challenge (and you may even be able to make some changes that bring that break sooner if you make the right choices). And, you should know, life is all about the challenges. In fact, your challenges are uniquely designed just for you--to shape you and grow you! This is better than a GPS that tells you how to get from one place to another, only life is more mysterious about it. You are given challenges so you can grow.

Now you have a choice to make. You can sit and whine about your challenges. You can cry the blues if you want to. Or, you can look for what your life's purpose is and live it to the fullest even in spite of your challenges. You can face your challenges and rise. You can face your challenges and get stronger by solving the puzzle of what to do about things. You get to create the life you want to live.

You get to choose. That is your power, the power of choice. Choose your attitude. Choose your next steps. You can ask for help if you need or want to; you don't have to go it alone. (Divine help (prayer is a great thing, just start talking), help from friends, try a seminar, or even a book.)

Hang in there when things feel challenging. Like all of life, there is a pulse. Energy comes in waves so there are times for resting and times for working, times for grieving and times for celebrating. For sure you'll have more challenges in life as the months and years unfold before you. And for sure, if you pay attention, you'll see the many blessings too. You might just even see the blessings in the challenges if you pay close attention.

Love,

Aunt Laya

I took this photo. So, thanks to the people who designed digital. :-)

How long should you try?

"How long do you give a baby to learn to walk
before you tell him to give it up?" ~Jim Rohn

I talk about baby steps all the time. Take things a little bit at a time. The thing is, it's not just about taking small steps, it's about taking the steps in the first place. What ever it is that you want to improve or build or learn or have in your life, you can create amazing results only if you work on your attitude and actions.

Fuel yourself with information. Keep growing! Keep going in the direction of your dreams.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to morguefile.com and puravida for the wonderful photo.

How do you heal a broken heart?

When your heart is broken,

how can you heal?
How do you heal a broken heart?

I

Know that you can heal a broken heart. Others have healed a broken heart and you can too. It may not be easy, it may not be fast, but healing can happen. This you need to know.

II

Next, you have to be willing to heal. You don't have to know how, you just have to go inside to the deepest depths and say to yourself, "I am willing to heal." Through the pain and sadness, through the grief and shattered feelings, you simply have to acknowledge that you are willing to heal.

III

Understand that healing is a process. It does not happen all at once. There is no guarantee about how long this process will take, it's different for everyone. There are days that are harder and days that are easier. Sometimes you think you're doing fine and suddenly sad feelings sneak up on you again. That's part of the process. Hang in there! The good days will come again and they'll come more and more often.

IV

Time does heal. It may not seem like it when you're in pain, but know that time really does bring healing. Again, there is no guarantee about how long the process will take, but time is one of the elements of healing a broken heart. It's kind of like healing in the body, a cut will also heal with time. You don't put a bandage on a cut and expect to wake up the next morning and the cut is gone. So be patient with yourself, your emotions, and your heart.

V

Be honest with yourself about why you were wounded, why your heart was broken. This is the mental part of the process. Be truthful about this part even though it may not be fun. You don't have to say this out loud to any one. Were you expecting something the other person wasn't able to give you? Lots of broken hearts are when people have expectations of a relationship that the other person can not or doesn't even want to fulfill. If you can really evaluate what went wrong, you can learn about yourself so you can set up a healthier relationship next time. Learn something about yourself from each experience.

VI

Acknowledge the gifts you take from the relationship. I don't mean goodies, I mean the gifts of life experience. Did you see that you have the capacity to love? Did you learn something about boundaries? Did you learn about communication? Did you learn something about how to be with other people? There is something you have to be grateful about, name that.

VII

Be tender with yourself. What does that mean? Be kind to you. Make sure that you think thoughts that are kind (saying you are a jerk or a loser is NOT being kind to you or anyone else and do not belong in your thoughts or vocabulary). Open your heart to yourself the same way you would open your heart to a friend in pain. I find that a lot of people have never learned how to be gentle with themselves. This is a skill worth developing! You'll be a nicer person to other people when you learn how to be good to yourself. This is about balancing your thoughts and emotions.

VIII

Do not rush into another relationship. When you go into a relationship from a place of wholeness you will be wiser in your choice of who to date. If you do not heal, you are likely to make the same mistake over and over again until you learn the lesson. Take the time for yourself so you can have and be the best for yourself. This is a great time to get into something so you can express yourself creatively. Maybe writing, music, art, knitting, sports, what ever feels creative and fulfilling to you.

IX

You do not have to do this alone. You can talk with a friend or a counselor. Ask for help when you need help. No one is expected to do life alone. If you don't feel like you have someone to talk things through with, don't sit around feeling sorry for yourself, ask around. Take care of yourself enough to ask for help when you need help. There are some wonderful people with open hearts who would be honored to be your friend or counselor.

X

Time, tenderness, talking it through. Once your heart is broken, you will never be the same. That's okay! All of life builds us and shapes us. Take each experience to deepen the truth of who you are: You are a wonderful, loving person who lights up this world. Take a rest as you heal. Keep shining.

Love,
Aunt Laya

with gratitude to Morguefile.com and bekahboo42 for the beautiful photo

Need some hope?

Remember...
It is in the darkest of night that the stars shine brightest.

Love,
Aunt Laya

With gratitude to Morguefile and kahanaboy for the beautiful photo!

Advice for a Tree

This question came in as a comment for an earlier post:

Dear Aunt Laya,
I need some advice, because I can't seem to find anyone who can tell me how to solve my problem. I can't get myself to go to class everyday! I skip and come up with all sorts of excuses, though the real reason is that I feel like a loser in class. My class consists of students with sky-high GPAs, and I am the only odd one there. Although I work harder than them in terms of written work, I cannot think like them and generate questions like how they do. In my school, we are graded on our participation and knowledge and not how much work we produce. I always get out-beaten and never feels good. My grades are failing, I only have one year before I graduate and I can't help feeling hopeless and useless all the time. I never hated school this much. I would really appreciate some advice.

Dying Tree.

********

Dear Tree,
Sometimes trees appear to be dying but they are not. It is fall and time for the leaves to die and fall off, but the tree isn't really dying, its just in a cycle of renewal. The tree stands strong and beautiful in the winter as the next phase is preparing itself. There is a beauty in this cycle of life too but you have to look for it to see it. Then in the spring new buds will form and suddenly seem to burst forth in an explosion of growth.

DO NOT DESPAIR! I learned that despair is when someone is full of self pity and then there is no room for joy to come in. Now may be a good time for you to redefine what success is to you. It's not the same for everyone, you know? If you have only one year left to graduate, keep showing up and get through this. It doesn't have to be on the same terms as everyone else. Just because the instructor is not judging you in a framework that is fair to you, you don't have to measure your success in the same way. Don't let discouragement get the better of you. Hang in there, "this too shall pass".

Have you defined your dreams? Do you know what is important to you? School is a tool and a stepping stone. Finish what you started and then use the open doors to head toward your heart's desire. That means you are true to you (not some teacher's version of what you "should" be, what your Creator intended for you to be in all your shining true self).

You really can do this!

Love and (((hugs))),
Aunt Laya

Thank you to Robb and Morguefile.com for the beautiful photo!

Celebrate!

OK, there is a lot about the hard times that is being talked about. Hard times with money, work, terrorism, and they are all real issues that need to be addressed. But that doesn't mean that we can't have good times too. So how do you create a good time? Declare it. Call some friends or sit with family and make a party to celebrate life, to celebrate friendship, to celebrate what you DO have. You can even make a little celebration all by yourself. If you are feeling alone, then there is someone else who is alone and just waiting for your call and invitation. (Be brave and make the call! Or make three calls until you have the company you want.)

You can give your celebration a theme: birthday, un-birthday, Christmas, Hanuka, Kwanzaa, Solstice, or summer in December and make a picnic on the floor in your living room. Get a few props: candles, music, yummy treats, or art supplies. Get creative.

Shake yourself up. Inspire yourself. Give yourself a lift and maybe life someone else's spirits along the way. Last week I went to the mall and had some fun giving out chocolates to some nice people who helped me. Look for things to celebrate and you'll find them.

I celebrate you!
Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to Morguefile.com and Clarita for the great photo

Relationship Help

This is one of the best videos I've seen in a long time.
I hope you are as inspired as I am by this one.


Love,
Aunt Laya

Mistakes!

"A life spent in making mistakes is not only more honorable
but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." ~ George Bernard Shaw

Don't be afraid of making mistakes. It's one of the ways we learn. Learn from your mistakes and then move forward.

Dream your dreams, do the thing that gives your life meaning. If you're doing something that doesn't make your heart sing--in the big picture, nothing is always perfectly wonderful, there are challenges in even the best of choices--you can always change direction, change your mind, regroup, and move ahead in the direction you want to be moving!

One of the beautiful gifts that life experience brings is that each mistake you make shapes you. You have more experience and you get to make more choices from a position of deeper understanding.

Be true to you. (and be honest with yourself!)

Remember:

"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." ~ Albert Einstein

Keep shining!
Love,
Aunt Laya

photo (c) 2008, Laya Saul
This photo may be used with permission with a credit and link to this blog :-)

Mini workshop: $37.99 value, FREE!

SUCCESS FORMULA!

What do you want to accomplish?

It's your life. What's important to you? Have you made your list?

Dream big, write it all down and then ask yourself, "If I could only do ONE of these things, which one would it be?" Now you know what's important to you, really important.

So how do you accomplish what you want?

Here are four pieces of the puzzle--four elements you need to get together:
Attitude
Do you have right thinking? Do you believe in yourself? Do you know you are worth it?
Tools
Do you have what you need? If you don't, make a list and get it together. If you want to go rock climbing, you'll need the right equipment. What do you need? What do you need to get those tools together?
Skills
Do you know how to do what you need to do? Want to be in a triathlon? You gotta know how to swim. If you don't know how to swim, then even with goggles and the best attitude in the world you can't get in the water. No one can know how to do it all, that's where learning from others comes in: read, take a class, practice. This is called growing! (It's a good thing.)
Action
Once you know what you want, believe you can accomplish it and have a strong desire, gather the tools you'll need, and learn the skills, you can take the steps to create your dreams. Break it down into small bite sized pieces. Create a time line or a new habit.
Persistence
Be relentless. Move forward. If you fall--that's OK! Get back up. Take another step forward.

You CAN do this!
Love,
Aunt Laya

What do you REALLY want?

This is a most basic of questions. Ask yourself, "What do I want?"

There's a catchy phrase that says, "You've got to name it to claim it."

If you don't know where you're going, then you're wandering aimlessly. If you know where you want to go, then you can make a plan to get there. If you know what you want, then you can make a plan of action. A plan of action is as simple as putting one foot in front of the other. It can be as simple as noticing, "I'm hungry," as a start. Then you have to decide what you want to eat. A sandwich? What kind? What do I need to do to prepare it? Sound simple? It is a simple process but we are usually so busy with the small stuff that we haven't learned how to listen to the inner voice whispers your heart's desires. Do you remember the first time you cooked something "all by yourself?" It's a big accomplishment when a young kid cooks for the first time. If you're in new territory, go easy on yourself. Each step you take is a big accomplishment!

Now transfer that understanding to what's next in your life. Take one small goal that would mean a lot to you and break it down into small action steps. Don't try to do it all at once.

Q. How do you eat an elephant?
A. One bite at a time!

Small steps add up in big ways.

Goals don't have to be big, out-in-the-world things. Reading a book is one page at a time. Writing a book is also one page at a time. Filling in your photo album is one page at a time (or just gathering all you photos in to one place might be a start).

Sometimes it's hard to get to what you really want and talking things through with someone you trust is helpful. No one said you have to do this alone!

The idea here is: be honest with yourself about what you want. Dig deep. You're worth the effort. Then, take one step in that direction. Then, take another step.

You can do this! One small thing, right now... go!

Love,
Aunt Laya

What I've been up to...

Click Here! to see what I've been learning how to do. Please let me know what you think, how I can improve, what you'd like me to talk about... feel free to email me through my website for confidentiality.

My book is hot off the press and will be at Amazon ready for delivery before too long. I'm very excited about it and will keep you posted.

Meantime, remember that you DO have the power to create the life YOU want to live.

More soon,
Love,
Aunt Laya

The Power to Create Happy Relationships!!!

I learned something interesting. It's something I've heard before in different ways and I've heard it enough times now that I understand its importance and know it's something that needs to be passed on to others. This is the balance of 5:1:

For every one negative thing that happens in a relationship (criticism, harsh look, reprimand, etc.) it takes FIVE positive actions to balance it.

What that means to us in real life is that for every unpleasant thing we experience or do in our relationship, we need FIVE kind or loving acts to balance the scale.

Do you get what that means? This is very empowering for us all!!! Now that we know this (which has been studied through observations of many relationships) we can heal and direct our relationships for the good.

Being aware of this will improve any relationship. Parents, kids, employees, students, friends.

Experiment of the day:
Talk to the people you live with and set up this experiment: Put out two little dishes for each person. Fill one dish with pennies or marbles, doesn't matter, any small object will do. For each compliment or kind act move one object into the second dish. For every criticism remove five. The goal is to (as naturally as you can) fill up the second dish and keep it full.

Keep shining.
Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to southernfried at Morguefile.com for the perfect photo!

You don't have to do anything you don't want to!

Recently someone asked for advice about a mistake that resulted in an embarrassing situation. She was pressured by some friends to do something she really didn't want to do.

Life is full of choices. When you make a poor choice about something, then you get another chance right away to make a choice about how you want to handle what happened. I always recommend learning from our mistakes (and the mistakes of others!). So, here's my answer:

First, you do not HAVE to do what other kids say. Got that? It doesn't matter if you were playing truth or dare; you don't have to do it. If an adult is asking you to do something and you're not clear about it, you can say you need to think about it and ask other trusted adults. It's true that I write for teens, but I know there are adults reading this too and the same goes for you! If someone tries to coax you or tries to pressure you into doing something you don't want to do, you get to say, "No." No, nope, not gonna, never, no way! What ever way works for you, don't cross a line that's not comfortable for you. Second, life has a way of "testing" us. You'll get to see if you learned this lesson on boundaries because you'll get tested again. It's just how life works. Practice. (Something like, "what part of 'no' don't you understand?" or "Is there a reason you’re not respecting my answer?") If someone doesn't take "no" for an answer, they are trying to manipulate you and you don't have to go there.

Second, when you do make a mistake, learn from it, but don't beat yourself up about it. That means, when the "test" comes around again, you can rise to it and respond in the way you really mean to. But do not waste your time feeling stupid. If a coach gives an athlete feedback on how to improve, the smart athelete takes the information, visualizes it over and over, and then does his best the next time. He keeps moving forward, not crying over the lost race or the bumbled what ever. Sure, it's natural to feel disappointment, but don't wallow in it. Move on and step up. Rise. One more time. Move yourself forward now because the lesson you learned means you have more life experience and you can make wiser choices. Even if you make the same mistake a hundred times, keep tweaking what you do until you get the results you want, whether it's in relationships, jobs or what ever. You learned to walk and tie your shoes; you can learn to say no when you need to.

Keep shining!

Love,
Aunt Laya

Photo by Mary R. Vogt from MorgueFile.com, thank you!

Find your focus

The heights by great men reached and kept
Were not attained by sudden flight,
But they, while their companions slept,
Were toiling upward in the night.

--Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

What is important to you, really important? Look in the direction you want to be headed and you'll find yourself heading in that direction.

Here's the twist: What's really important may not be something that anyone else will ever see or even know about! Maybe it's about overcoming depression, maybe it's about feeding the homeless, maybe it’s about living a happy life after a childhood of growing up with an alcoholic parent. Over coming challenge in a quiet, personal way, is brilliant, even if no one else ever knows! When you change something inside yourself, you are changing the world on the outside too. It could be that you have something very "out in the world" to accomplish. You know when someone is climbing up high people say "don't look down". Keep your focus. Look in the direction of your heart's desire. Keep on track with what's important in the deepest places of your heart.

Find people who inspire you.
Do not underestimate the beauty and purpose of you.
Find your focus. Stay on focus.

Love,

Aunt Laya

Photo from www.morguefile.com by Jadazie, thank you!

Is the world out to get you?

Is the world out to get you?

Well, yes, in a way. Only maybe instead of thinking the world is out to get you down, how about if you think that the world is out to help you get better?

Think about this possibility:

Maybe all of life is about helping you:

Get going

Get grateful

Get ready

Get rested

Get grown

Get to be your best

Get new ideas

???

Quote for the day: "I've always been the opposite of a paranoid. I operate as if everyone is part of a plot to enhance my well-being." -- Stan Dale

Get the idea? (smile)

Love,
Aunt Laya

Not JUST a test

Most things that bug you are a test. Not JUST a test, but a test to help you grow. If life is a game, how do you get to the next level? Tag! You're it!

(see previous post)

love,
Aunt Laya

Tag! You're it!

"I've always been the opposite of a paranoid. I operate as if everyone is part of a plot to enhance my well-being." -- Stan Dale

What if EVERYTHING that happens to you is designed to improve you? What if the things that look like obstacles are about giving you a boost? What if whacking your head on an open cupboard door is about waking you up to your own thoughts? What if you could find something funny about things that usually get you bummed?

When I was actively studying karate, I learned a great lesson from a friend who was a black belt. He taught me to think of sparring as a game of tag. If your opponent gets in a hit, he did you a favor by showing you where you were open. If you get mad, you lose your clarity and balance, but if you say “thanks” you get stronger and more aware. It doesn't mean you leave yourself open for getting hit on purpose! It means when you do get hit you allow it to help you improve and get better.

You can see all of life as this “game of tag”. Have a sense of humor. It’s all about growing into the best you ever. You can do this!

Love,
Aunt Laya

Say Cheese! ;-)

You can change the world with your smile!

You must know the story about the toll booth guy who was feeing so sad and invisible until one day he was greeted with a great smile. He felt so good that he passed it to the next driver, who passed it along, who passed it along…

There’s a children’s picture book called “I like your buttons” which has the same kind of message. A child tells her teacher that she likes the buttons on her blouse. The teacher passes the compliment on until it reaches the little girls father—who then brings the little girl a kitten because he’s feeling so happy.

Don’t underestimate the power of your smile.

Experiment for the day: Smile sincerely or give a sincere compliment to several people during your day. Try this with lots of people (like someone who helps you at the store, a waiter, someone at the bank, etc.), and also with people who you are close to (like your parents or kids, close friends, even neighbors). Let the kindness go like a helium balloon you’d release into the sky. How do YOU feel at the end of the day?

Love,
Aunt Laya