CyberBullying

If you or someone you know is being cyberbullied, please watch this video.

"Dusting" -- Please read

I received the following in an email from a friend. It is a real letter written by a real dad about a tragic loss in his life.

If you are a teen, PLEASE, take care of yourself and don't play with this. Write me if you want and I'll help you brainstorm alternatives.

If you are a parent, PLEASE, talk with your kids about this.

Many blessings to all of my readers for a beautiful, healthy, and wondrous spring. May great things blossom for each of you!

Love,
Aunt Laya

"D U S T I N G"

First, I'm going to tell you a little about me and my family. My name is Jeff. I am a Police Officer for a city which is known nationwide for its crime rate. We have a lot of gangs and drugs. At one point we were #2 in the nation in homicides per capita. I also have a police K-9 named Thor. He was certified in drugs and general duty. He retired at 3 years old because he was shot in the line of duty. He lives with us now and I still train with him because he likes it. I always liked the fact that there was no way to bring drugs into my house. Thor wouldn't allow it. He would tell on you. The reason I say this is so you understand that I know about drugs.

I have taught in schools about drugs. My wife asks all our kids at least once a week if they used any drugs. Makes them promise they won't.

I like building computers occasionally and started building a new one in February 2005. I also was working on some of my older computers. They were full of dust so on one of my trips to the computer store I bought a 3 pack of DUST OFF. Dust Off is a can of compressed air to blow dust off a computer. A few weeks later when I went to use one of them they were all used. I talked to my kids and my two sons both said they had used them on their computer and messing around with them. I yelled at them for wasting the 10 dollars I paid for them.

On February 28 I went back to the computer store. They didn't have the 3 pack which I had bought on sale so I bought a single jumbo can of Dust Off. I went home and set it down beside my computer. On March 1st, I left for work at 10 PM. Just before midnight my wife went down and kissed Kyle goodnight. At 5:30 am the next morning Kathy went downstairs to wake Kyle up for school, before she left for work. He was propped up in bed with his legs crossed and his head leaning over. She called to him a few times to get up .. He didn't move. He would sometimes tease her like this and pretend he fell back asleep. He was never easy to get up. She went in and shook his arm. He fell over. He was pale white and had the straw from the Dust Off can coming out of his mouth. He had the new can of Dust Off in his hands. Kyle was dead.

I am a police officer and I had never heard of this. My wife is a nurse and she had never heard of this. We later found out from the coroner, after the autopsy, that only the propellant from the can of Dust off was in his system. No other drugs. Kyle had died between midnight and 1 AM. I found out that using Dust Off is being done mostly by kids ages 9 through 15. They even have a name for it. It's called dusting. A take off from the Dust Off name. It gives them a slight high for about 10 seconds. It makes them dizzy. A boy who lives down the street from us showed Kyle how to do this about a month before. Kyle showed his best friend. Told him it was cool and it couldn't hurt you. It's just compressed air. It can't hurt you. His best friend said no.

Kyle was wrong. It's not just compressed air. It also contains a propellant called R2. It's a refrigerant like what is used in your refrigerator. It is a heavy gas, heavier than air. When you inhale it, it fills your lungs and keeps the good air, with oxygen, out that's why you feel dizzy, buzzed. It decreases the oxygen to your brain, to your heart. Kyle was right. It can't hurt you. IT KILLS YOU!

The horrible part about this is there is no warning. There is no level that kills you. It's not cumulative or an overdose; it can just go randomly, terribly wrong. Roll the dice and if your number comes up you die. IT'S NOT AN OVERDOSE. It's Russian Roulette. You don't die later. Or not feel good and say I've had too much. You usually die as you're breathing it in, if not, you die within 2 seconds of finishing "the hit." That's why the straw was still in Kyle's mouth when he died. Why his eyes were still open.

The experts want to call this huffing.. The kids don't believe its huffing. As adults we tend to lump many things together. But it doesn't fit here. And that's why it's more accepted. There is no chemical reaction, no strong odor. It doesn't follow the huffing signals. Kyle complained a few days before he died of his tongue hurting. It probably did. The propellant causes frostbite. If I had only known. It's easy to say hey, it's my life and I'll do what I want. But it isn't. Others are always affected. This has forever changed our family's life. I have a hole in my heart and soul that can never be fixed. The pain is so immense I can't describe it. There's nowhere to run from it. I cry all the time and I don't ever cry. I do what I'm supposed to do but I don't really care. My kids are messed up. One won't talk about it. The other will only sleep in our room at night. And my wife, I can't even describe how bad she is taking this. I thought we were safe because of Thor. I thought we were safe because we knew about drugs and talked to our kids about them.

After Kyle died another story came out. A probation Officer went to the school system next to ours to speak with a student. While there he found a student using Dust Off in the bathroom. This student told him about another student who also had some in his locker. This is a rather affluent school system. They will tell you they don't have a drug problem there. They don't even have a dare or plus program there. So rather than tell everyone about this "new" way of getting high they found, they hid it.

The probation officer told the media after Kyle's death and they, the school, then admitted to it. I know that if they would have told the media and I had heard, it wouldn't have been in my house.

We need to get this out of our homes and school computer labs. Using Dust Off isn't new and some "professionals" do know about. It jus t isn't talked about much, except by the kids. They all seem to know about it.

April 2nd was 1 month since Kyle died. April 5th would have been his 15th birthday. And every weekday I catch myself sitting on the living room couch at 2:30 in the afternoon and waiting to see him get off the bus. I know Kyle is in heaven but I can't help but wonder if I died and went to Hell.

Mistakes!

"A life spent in making mistakes is not only more honorable
but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." ~ George Bernard Shaw

Don't be afraid of making mistakes. It's one of the ways we learn. Learn from your mistakes and then move forward.

Dream your dreams, do the thing that gives your life meaning. If you're doing something that doesn't make your heart sing--in the big picture, nothing is always perfectly wonderful, there are challenges in even the best of choices--you can always change direction, change your mind, regroup, and move ahead in the direction you want to be moving!

One of the beautiful gifts that life experience brings is that each mistake you make shapes you. You have more experience and you get to make more choices from a position of deeper understanding.

Be true to you. (and be honest with yourself!)

Remember:

"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." ~ Albert Einstein

Keep shining!
Love,
Aunt Laya

photo (c) 2008, Laya Saul
This photo may be used with permission with a credit and link to this blog :-)

Message to Teens

Here's my latest video from You Tube:



I'd love to hear what you think.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Mini workshop: $37.99 value, FREE!

SUCCESS FORMULA!

What do you want to accomplish?

It's your life. What's important to you? Have you made your list?

Dream big, write it all down and then ask yourself, "If I could only do ONE of these things, which one would it be?" Now you know what's important to you, really important.

So how do you accomplish what you want?

Here are four pieces of the puzzle--four elements you need to get together:
Attitude
Do you have right thinking? Do you believe in yourself? Do you know you are worth it?
Tools
Do you have what you need? If you don't, make a list and get it together. If you want to go rock climbing, you'll need the right equipment. What do you need? What do you need to get those tools together?
Skills
Do you know how to do what you need to do? Want to be in a triathlon? You gotta know how to swim. If you don't know how to swim, then even with goggles and the best attitude in the world you can't get in the water. No one can know how to do it all, that's where learning from others comes in: read, take a class, practice. This is called growing! (It's a good thing.)
Action
Once you know what you want, believe you can accomplish it and have a strong desire, gather the tools you'll need, and learn the skills, you can take the steps to create your dreams. Break it down into small bite sized pieces. Create a time line or a new habit.
Persistence
Be relentless. Move forward. If you fall--that's OK! Get back up. Take another step forward.

You CAN do this!
Love,
Aunt Laya

What do you REALLY want?

This is a most basic of questions. Ask yourself, "What do I want?"

There's a catchy phrase that says, "You've got to name it to claim it."

If you don't know where you're going, then you're wandering aimlessly. If you know where you want to go, then you can make a plan to get there. If you know what you want, then you can make a plan of action. A plan of action is as simple as putting one foot in front of the other. It can be as simple as noticing, "I'm hungry," as a start. Then you have to decide what you want to eat. A sandwich? What kind? What do I need to do to prepare it? Sound simple? It is a simple process but we are usually so busy with the small stuff that we haven't learned how to listen to the inner voice whispers your heart's desires. Do you remember the first time you cooked something "all by yourself?" It's a big accomplishment when a young kid cooks for the first time. If you're in new territory, go easy on yourself. Each step you take is a big accomplishment!

Now transfer that understanding to what's next in your life. Take one small goal that would mean a lot to you and break it down into small action steps. Don't try to do it all at once.

Q. How do you eat an elephant?
A. One bite at a time!

Small steps add up in big ways.

Goals don't have to be big, out-in-the-world things. Reading a book is one page at a time. Writing a book is also one page at a time. Filling in your photo album is one page at a time (or just gathering all you photos in to one place might be a start).

Sometimes it's hard to get to what you really want and talking things through with someone you trust is helpful. No one said you have to do this alone!

The idea here is: be honest with yourself about what you want. Dig deep. You're worth the effort. Then, take one step in that direction. Then, take another step.

You can do this! One small thing, right now... go!

Love,
Aunt Laya

Women and Money, Free e-book for a short time!

I just got this email and downloaded the book so wanted to pass it along. If you're reading this post after the offer expires, I've left it on my blog on purpose, because anyone who is being that generous deserves the promotion.

Very limited time offer!
On Oprah (Wednesday) Suze Orman helped
a woman whose husband committed suicide
leaving her with 4 children, $72 in her checking
account, and piles and piles of debt.

At the program's conclusion Oprah said: go to www.Oprah.com, go to Suze's ($24.95) book

Women & Money: Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny

and download it (all 300 pages) for FREE.

Keep trying ... a very busy site.

You may only have hours left for the download and the deal is we may not share the file to others, so hurry!

Love,
Laya

When people make you mad and frustrated...

Sometimes we are around people who act like real jerks. Feeling frustrated or mad or hurt is a part of life. It happens to everyone. No one likes feeling like that so how do we cut down on that time so we can spend more time in balance and pleasure? Here's a key that changed my life when I learned it!

Stick with me here--this may not be such an easy thing to wrap your brain around right away.

When someone is acting in a way that's not so nice, it means that they are in pain and what they really need is a blessing!

What does that mean? How do you bless someone? You say (out loud if you can but you don't have to) good wishes and words of kindness. This isn't always easy at first but neither was walking the first time you tried it and now you don't need to think about it, right? This takes less time that memorizing your times tables and it feels really great. You have to try this to know what I'm talking about. Here's how I apply it:

When someone cuts me off in traffic (something that I've always thought to be rude and dangerous), I have to tell you, I don't start off feeling all warm and fuzzy about blessing that person. I start talking anyway, usually something like this: "May you be blessed to get home safe and sound, may you enjoy time with your family, your children and even grandchildren. May you live a long life and have the privilege of seeing your grandchildren walk down the aisle!" Most of the time when I bless someone in this situation, they never even know about it! They don't need to know about it. By the time I get to the end of the blessing, I really mean every word of it and guess what? I feel better. I'm happier, balanced and I feel empowered.

Scientific studies have been done about prayer and healing that show how very effective it is. If prayer was a drug it would be for sale on the market. A blessing is like a prayer. It may or may not change the person you're blessing (I think it does) but for sure it changes the one speaking the blessing, in this case, you!

Here's another real life way I used this one. My husband and I were going to park in front of a lady's house. She didn't like the idea of all the cars on her street and made it really clear to us that the space in front of her house was not open to us. All she had to do was ask us not to park there--no problem. But, no, she had to start right away by yelling at us, a grown woman yelling at me! Crazy. I felt a rush of adrenaline when she started yelling. I started to say "Just ask, no problem," but she wouldn't hear it at all. So, I started to bless her. Out loud. She yelled over my words, so I closed my eyes and just kept on. She stopped yelling and just stood there looking at me as I went on with my blessing. Her eyes turned kind and she pointed just across the way and said, "that looks like an open spot right there." Now, maybe she thought I was crazy, but by the time we had parked and left, she stood smiling at us. We were both transformed.

You can use this with anyone in your life. Use it on yourself too! It is one of the most powerful tools ever.

May you be blessed to find kind words when you need them. May you be blessed to hear kind words when you need them the most. If you need a "love note", write me, it's what I do.

Love,
Aunt Laya

P.S. As always, if you think someone is dangerous, get away. You can bless them later from a distance. Stay safe. <3

With gratitude to Morguefile.com and EmmiP for the photo!

What I've been up to...

Click Here! to see what I've been learning how to do. Please let me know what you think, how I can improve, what you'd like me to talk about... feel free to email me through my website for confidentiality.

My book is hot off the press and will be at Amazon ready for delivery before too long. I'm very excited about it and will keep you posted.

Meantime, remember that you DO have the power to create the life YOU want to live.

More soon,
Love,
Aunt Laya

Check this out!

www.freerice.com


It's a word game (improve your vocabulary).
Supports feeding hungry people.

Be good, do good.

Love,
Aunt Laya

The Power to Create Happy Relationships!!!

I learned something interesting. It's something I've heard before in different ways and I've heard it enough times now that I understand its importance and know it's something that needs to be passed on to others. This is the balance of 5:1:

For every one negative thing that happens in a relationship (criticism, harsh look, reprimand, etc.) it takes FIVE positive actions to balance it.

What that means to us in real life is that for every unpleasant thing we experience or do in our relationship, we need FIVE kind or loving acts to balance the scale.

Do you get what that means? This is very empowering for us all!!! Now that we know this (which has been studied through observations of many relationships) we can heal and direct our relationships for the good.

Being aware of this will improve any relationship. Parents, kids, employees, students, friends.

Experiment of the day:
Talk to the people you live with and set up this experiment: Put out two little dishes for each person. Fill one dish with pennies or marbles, doesn't matter, any small object will do. For each compliment or kind act move one object into the second dish. For every criticism remove five. The goal is to (as naturally as you can) fill up the second dish and keep it full.

Keep shining.
Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to southernfried at Morguefile.com for the perfect photo!

You light up this world

Just one candle can bring a room from darkness into light.

You light up this world--just by being here!

Keep shining.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to danielito and Morguefile.com for the photo

Getting through hard times

Sometimes life sends you a whammy and it doesn't feel good at all! Someone says something that hurts, or looks at you in a way that stings. Sometimes people are rude, or the project you're working on isn't working out. Or maybe you worked hard on something and it seems like every obstacle that could possibly show up, does--and then some! Hard stuff.

Hang on! Take a deep breath.

This is a test, it is only a test. The purpose of the test is to help you grow. The 'Universe', God, Spirit, your Higher Power, what ever you want to call it, is sending you a lesson so that you can become stronger and grow.

It doesn't matter who you are, what you do, how much you weigh, how tall you are, male, female, or how old you are. It doesn't matter if you are experienced or not. Life will send you lessons and they will NOT be comfortable.

And guess what? That's OK! It really is. Because if you're reading this right now, I'm here to tell you, you can get through this test and you can use this experience to make you stronger. You can use any experience to your advantage and flourish in AMAZING ways. Amazing! Do you hear me? Amazing! I'm not exaggerating.

What ever tests life presents you with are there for a reason. In the end even the hardest stuff will turn out to be for the best because you'll be a better person. You can learn and grow and you are always stronger in the end, even if it doesn't feel like that's possible right now.

When you find yourself in one of the 'tests' of life, hang in there. If you don't 'get it' the first time around, it will come around again and you can catch the lesson the next round.

All along the way, remember that you are not alone. Everyone else is being tested, sometimes the same tests, sometimes different, but we're all tested. Even the people who look like they have it all together... you'd be amazed at the stories each one of us carries.

You can handle anything that comes your way. Keep breathing, ask for help when you need it. Be good to you and those around you.

With lots of love and some cyber (((((hugs))))) too!
Aunt Laya

Thank you to kakisky and Morguefile.com for the great photo!

Are you taking care of you?

A reader sent me a link to a story that is tragic and sad about a family that faked out a young teen girl and in the process made her feel so sad that she killed herself. Now it seems from what I read, that this girl was already having some problems. She was vulnerable.

There are a lot of people on the Internet and they are the same kinds of people in all of life. Some people are real and wonderful and want to make friends. Some people are predators who are looking to take advantage of others. Only in a way it’s a little easier to say and do things on the Internet since people think they are hidden behind their computer. It seems so easy in fact, that even people who are usually good people can say things in anger because they are not looking the other person in the eyes to see the hurt they might inflict.

All through time, bad guys have preyed on anyone who is vulnerable. Lonely or sad are feelings that make someone vulnerable. There are lots of reasons why someone might feel that way. It doesn’t matter if you are old or young, rich or poor, skinny or fat, everyone feels vulnerable some time.

The question is: What do you do, or how do you take care of yourself, when you are feeling vulnerable?

When a crab grows—you know, the little sea creature—it has to shed its shell in order to grow a new, bigger shell to fit its new size. So what does it do? It goes and hides in the rocks where it will be protected.

When you are vulnerable, feeling tender, it means that you are growing! Take care of yourself when you are feeling vulnerable or tender by staying where you feel safe. Risks are better taken from a place of strength. And you will feel strong again because feelings go in cycles for everyone.

If you feel lonely or sad, you don’t have to go it alone. If someone does or says mean things to you, you can ask for help. Don’t give up if you don’t find the help you need the first time you ask. You might need to ask five times. Maybe more. That’s okay. Ask for help as many times as you need to until you get the support that you need to get you through the hard times.

Attitude for the day:

Don’t do to others what you wouldn’t want done to you.
or
Don’t say things to others that you wouldn’t want someone to say to you.

Even if someone is being a jerk, don’t return the favor. Rise. Like the light of a flame, rise. You can do this.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to Clarita who photographed the image above and posted it on Morguefile.com!

Teen Issues

Reach out and connect with a teen. If you're a teen, reach out and connect with the adults who love you. None of us has to go it alone.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Book Update!

The new, updated book is on its way to the printer and will be ready in about 5 weeks! You can order the book on Amazon for a 32% discount off of the cover price. If you order now, before the book is even available, Amazon will give you an additional 5% discount. How cool is that? At this price, stock up and get a bunch to give to friends. The book has the same content, but a brighter cover and friendlier to the eyes text.

You can go to Amazon to order the book now!

Compromise or Settle?

In life you have to make compromises. There's a difference between settling and compromising. One way to think of it is that you don't get everything you want, the way you want it, when you want it. I once took a class in finance. One of the principles I learned was that if you manage your money successfully (saving and spending habits--a skill worth learning), you can have anything you want, not everything, anything. That means you have to consider what is most important to you.

When you know what is most important to you, you can set a goal. You can achieve, have, develop, or create that thing, whether it's a relationship, a college degree, or that new fancy gadget or outfit. Once you get yourself on track with your goal, it means you compromise something else. You have to let go of some things in order to have what you really want. Like, if you really want to be happily married, you've got to let go of dating other people.

Settling is when you don't believe that you can have what you want so you take what you think is the best you can get.

Back to the example of relationship. Settling is taking a partner you don't enjoy because you think you won't find anyone else. Compromising means she doesn't like to watch basketball with you, but she is a pleasure to talk with. Settling means staying with an abusive man because you are afraid to let go, compromising means he's not as tall as you dreamed.

There are some things that you never have to compromise on. And there are some things you can settle for. Don't ever compromise your values. You can settle for a different brand of tomato sauce when you're shopping.

Just something to consider.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to Scott M. Liddle (scott.liddell.com) and Morguefile.com for the great photo, again!

Who inspires you?

I'm inspired by so many.

I'm inspired by my kids who keep forgiving me for all my frailties.

I'm inspired by the two men who have ancient graves near my home, men who were buried nearly 2,000 years ago and are so remembered that what they taught is still known today. One taught that we should not do good for the heavenly reward but to do good for its own sake and the sake of heaven. The other taught that no matter where you are in life you can start over and rise to greatness. He also lived generously, giving half his wealth to charity.

I'm inspired by the authors I've read who took the time to write books that taught and shaped me to be my best self. (They are why I wrote my book. If they touched my life, maybe I can touch a life as well.)

I'm inspired by Ralph Waldo Emerson, Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr., Thoreau, Menachem Schneerson. Their quotes float into this world and are candles of light to raise up this world.

Next week my parents celebrate 65 years of marriage. How much I learn from watching them.

My brother is a teacher and has been for years. He loves what he does and cares about his students. I wish all teachers were like him. I hope I can touch young lives like he does.

My mother-in-law is like the sunshine. I've never met anyone else like her in my life. She's one of those petite women with the majesty of a lion.

Esther Jungreiss is also a petite woman who carries herself with majesty and grace. She survived a concentration camp as a child. Now she lives a life of giving. Her light is brilliant. Her stories are profound.

Oprah demonstrates to me the way to being real, and that in being real is where you can find your success.

I know people who have adopted downs syndrome babies and are raising them up in a loving family environment. Their strength inspires me.

I'm inspired by the people who send in secrets to the PostSecret project (www.postsecret.com) and the people who respond to them.

Who inspires you? Shop around for the qualities you admire in others. Then look inside because you have those same qualities. You can grow them by being aware of them with your intention.

You are one amazing light in this world. Shine!

Love,
Aunt Laya