Overcoming Fear and Regret

If I could give my previous post about fear a soundtrack, this would be it.

Consider this post a kind of "love note" from me to you.
May you walk in strength and sweetness and joy.
Keep growing!
Love,
Aunt Laya

Teens, Tweens, Parents, Teachers:

Teens, Tweens, Parents, and Teachers:

I just got an email with this announcement.

Teens and tweens and younger kids deserve to be safer so check it out and stay safe.

Love,

Aunt Laya

Introducing the NetSmartz
Internet Safety 2009 Presentations!

NetSmartz® Workshop has been hard at work updating our Internet Safety Presentations. The new PowerPoint presentations for parents and communities, tweens, and teens are now available for you to download. They incorporate current statistics, our newest videos, and vibrant graphics!

NetSmartz free, multimedia Internet safety presentations are tailored for specific audiences - parents and communities, tweens, teens, and younger children. Our innovative presentations utilize statistics, online resources, videos, and expert tips to educate, engage, and empower children and adults to be safer on- and offline.

Go to http://www.NetSmartz.org/Presentations to download the NetSmartz Internet Safety 2009 Presentations today!

Educate Parents & Communities

This 60-minute PowerPoint for parents with children ages 5-17 and communities includes

Facts of online risks
Statistics, videos, and other resources
Tips for keeping children safer online

Engage Tweens & Teens

Two 45-minute PowerPoint presentations for tweens and teens contain

Animated and documentary-style videos
Candid, thought-provoking discussions
Practical advice and free resources

Empower Younger Children

These 30-minute interactive Primary and Intermediate presentations include

Age-appropriate explanations of online risks
Easy-to-remember online safety rules
Interactive, animated lessons led by Clicky, Nettie, and Webster

Go to http://www.NetSmartz.org/Presentations to download the NetSmartz Internet Safety 2009 Presentations today!

Relationship Help

This is one of the best videos I've seen in a long time.
I hope you are as inspired as I am by this one.


Love,
Aunt Laya

Overcoming Fear

Once I was working on a movie set with a famous actress/model. Just before the camera started rolling, she started to scream and stomp about. Everyone on the set thought she had lost her mind. As suddenly as she started, she stopped and looked around smiling. She explained that she learned that if some place inside she felt foolish about a scene, she should really "act" foolish so that the scene would feel normal to her.

What ever the reasons are we sometimes give in to fear of going for our dreams. I don't think it's always important to know why. It's OK to skip the why and simply get to the how.

There are different kinds of fear.

• Fear that is good because it can keep you safe.
  
• Irrational fear--fear that has no basis in reality and actually interferes with daily life.
• Fear that holds you back from living your dreams.

Sometimes it's good to be afraid. We're supposed to be afraid to run in front of a speeding train. It's wise to wait until the train is past before we cross the tracks. It's good for a woman to have some fear about walking alone in a parking lot at night. Bad things happen too often and it's wise to ask a man (or for a man to offer) to walk a woman to her car at night. It's good to be afraid of going to jail. It may be better to do what's right just because it's right, but it's also good to understand that some actions have a negative consequence and to be afraid of that is healthy.

Sometimes fear is debilitating. Fear can be so deep and wide that the person who is feeling it can not leave their home. This is not healthy fear. It is a kind of fear that can be treated though help may be needed. Some people are so afraid of flying that they will not leave their home town. That's not a big deal if it's not stopping the person from his normal life. It's sad if he has can not go to the award presentation for his good work because of his fear.

Then there is the kind of fear that doesn't look like such a big deal. I mean, you're living your life just fine, right? Yet, there are fears that stand in the way of doing, being, or accomplishing something that would make your heart sing.

This is fear that you can conquer!

The power of imagination

The truth is, fear is mostly imagined. One of my many favorite quotes is by Mark Twain:

"I am an old man and have known a great many troubles,
but most of them never happened." ~Mark Twain

Courageous people are not those without fear, they move in spite of their fear.

You know this is true. Think about something you were very fearful about that in the end worked out just fine. You already have life experience with this, but maybe you don't give yourself credit. Were you afraid the first day at a new job, but now you love it? Were you afraid the first day of a new school, but you made friends and got through it? Did you remember the first time you got on a bus or train or airplane alone?

Have you ever tried to do something and the thing failed? Maybe you felt bad for a time, but then if you think about it, don't you feel great that you gave it a try? Did you learn something? Did you turn your learning into a stepping stone?

Think about the times when you have accomplished the thing you felt fearful about. Remember and hold onto the feeling of accomplishment when you succeeded. Imagine that same great feeling right now and in the future.

You can do this.
Email me your wins, I love hearing from you.

Love,
Aunt Laya

with gratitude to FlyingPete and morguefile.com for the amazing photo!

Deer-in-the-Headlights Syndrome

Ever have something important to do and you just froze, couldn't move, couldn't make a choice? Have an important call to make or important decision and you just didn't do it?

That is deer-in-the-headlights syndrome or DITHS.

"Deer in the headlights" is when a deer is in the road at night and a car is coming at it--straight at it--and it just stares into the headlights and doesn't move out of the way. The results of being frozen for the poor deer can be fatal. The results for the oncoming car can also be traumatic.

The point here is there may really be some intense consequences when you don't move and you need to.

One of the simplest techniques for overcoming DITHS is to communicate!! It is perfectly acceptable to say, "I need some time to think about this" or "I can't make a decision so fast, let me get back to you."

When you need to take action but you just don't know what to do, it is really OK to ask for help. You could ask a friend to help or support you accomplish something important. You can ask a professional to help (it's how they make their living and they do that because they most likely actually enjoy helping!). If it's about an important decision, ask someone who's life experience and opinion you trust to talk it through with you.

Now here's something else to consider. Even if you've experienced a DITHS moment and had a significant loss or pain from it, life is not over, you can grow from this and move forward anyway. You know the old saying, when one door closes, another one opens. It's true. Only thing is, if you don't pay attention, all those missed opportunities can cost you in time or money or relationships.

This one is about waking up and stepping up. It's about taking action even though you might feel afraid and knowing it will all be OK. It's about taking responsibility for yourself and it's very empowering.

You can do this, small bits at a time are great.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thanks to mouguefile.com and somadjinn for the beautiful photo!

Need Some Inspiration?

When you feel like things are hard, have a look at this young man and his dad for some inspiration.



Thanks for stopping by.

Love,
Aunt Laya

"Take Wing"

"Take Wing" is my newest project. After a long time of talking about an ezine, it's now a reality. Ezine stands for "electronic magazine"--like a newsletter that shows up with your email. What I do is short and sweet. Although it's still in process it will pretty much come your in-box one or two times a month with more inspiration for you.

It's easy to sign up. Just go to the sign up page at my website, fill in the form, and you're in! Never worry about spam because I will never sell your email address. You can subscribe simply and unsubscribe with a click when ever you want.

Simple. See ya there!

Love,
Aunt Laya

Formula for a Fresh Start

Part I

Forgiveness. You can say something like: "I forgive myself for the mistakes I've made."

Part II

Kindness. Know that you are lovable, even if you don't feel like it. Treat yourself the way you would treat a small child or friend. Don't beat yourself up for making a mistake. Mistakes are how we learn and grow.

Part III

Learn from your mistakes. No one is perfect, so don't be down on yourself for being human. When you goof up, make sure you take the lesson with you. (See how in the photo the "old stuff" nourishes and even protects the growth of the new?)

Part IV

Ask for help if you need help.

Part V

Keep growing and looking for the positive.

Ask yourself these questions:

What am I grateful for? If it's hard to come up with something, start with the basics, breathing, breakfast, friendship, swimming, ice cream... you get the idea.

Ask yourself each evening:
What was the best part of my day?
What do I look forward to tomorrow?

*Give yourself a hug,
give someone else a hug,
take a deep breath,
do a kindness for someone else
(get out of your self).*

You can do this! :-)

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thanks to xpistwv and morguefile.com for the wonderful photo.

Ouch! The Sting of Mean Words

Recently someone wrote something pretty mean about me on the internet. It wasn't personal, the guy doesn't even know me. It did sting at first when I read it. And then it took a while for the sting to disappear, but before long the sting did disappear. In it's place I found myself stronger and more confident!

When I was a student of martial arts, I spent some time working out one on one with a someone who was a black belt. He taught me that when you're sparring, don't even get mad if someone gets in a good hit. Anger gets you out of balance and you'll never fight well if you get emotionally out of balance with anger. I learned that if someone "gets you" it is an opportunity to see where you are "open." In a way, they are doing you a favor by showing you where you need to improve! He taught me to think of it as a game of tag. If you are tagged, that's where you can improve your moves or your game--or your life perspective!

Emotionally, I use this lesson the same way. When I felt the sting of hurtful words, I got to see where I had an opportunity to grow. Now I think about those same words and don't feel sad or bad at all. I see how the guy who wrote them revealed a puny part of himself and nothing more. How sad for him.

Some friends were talking to me yesterday about the Pixar animated movie "Ratatouille." They gave me a whole talk about how it's not really a kids' movie, but a deep film! (I'll need to watch it again from that perspective!) The point they made, a point well taken, was that even the the best review by a critic is still worth less than the actual act of being creative! Creative or Critical? How easy it is to be critical, what an investment to be creative.

So next time someone criticizes you, check your perspective. If it is someone you respect, you may have something to learn. If it is from someone who is simply blowing hot air, you can let it go. Know that you can rise above. And when you do rise, you'll be stronger and even more confident.

Keep shining!
Love,
Aunt Laya

A great resource for help.

http://www.recoveryourlife.com

You'll find a lot of information, support, articles, and even some fun stuff.

These are the forum categories you'll find in the advice section there:

Self Harm

Suicide

Eating Disorders

Mental Health

Abuse and Bullying

Drugs and Alcohol

First Aid Advice and Information

You are not alone no matter what is happening.
You can ask for help and it is OK to ask for help.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Get Out of Your Own Way!!!

What does that mean?

Sometimes you have a desire or a goal but you feel stuck, right? There are lots of things you can do to move yourself in the direction of your dreams or goals or desires, but if your mindset-- your way of thinking about things--isn't clear, you might be sabotaging yourself!!!

One major example is the balance of a person's ego. Now there is a lot said about people who have a big ego, they only seem to think about (and look after and talk about) themselves all the time. They are not so great to be around. The other side of the coin is when someone feels badly about themselves. Guess what? They also have an out of balance ego. They are also only thinking about themselves!!! Either way is out of balance.

What can you do about it?

I'm going to introduce you to a new form of therapy that I've created. It's called "Get Over It."

"Whaaaa... they make fun of me."
Get over it!

"I'm not pretty enough."
Get Over It.

I never get the good stuff.
Get Over It.

Listen, sometimes crying is what people need. And when you need to cry, let it flow--and then LET IT GO.

Do you hear me?

But it's not fair.
Get Over It.

Do you want to spend your time whining? Or would you rather spend your time in JOY? I highly recommend joy when ever appropriate. How can you find your way to more joy? Start with the basics. Gratitude is one of the most powerful tools to joy and contentment. If you know me at all, you know I'm all about empowerment.

So, get out of your own way, stop whining, and step into your power.
Blink by blink, one minute at a time, one day at a time, one week at a time, one year at a time.

You CAN do this!

Love,
Aunt Laya

Good looking? Attractive? Ugly? Alone?

A long time ago I was a make-up artist in Hollywood. I worked with movie stars and models. I saw them first thing in the morning, no make up, hair a rumpled mess. Here's what I learned:

Not many of them are really such "natural beauties". A lot of what you see as "beautiful" is in the presentation. Kind of like if you put a plain hamburger on a big old plate it's sort of sad looking but if you put it on a bit of lettuce, garnish with pickles, and put some fries next to it, it looks more appetizing. Or like if you just stick a bunch of flowers in a plastic cup, they are kind of blah. But if you take the same flowers and put them in a nice vase and arrange them so there's balance, the same flowers look nicer.

With a person, a good hair cut and hair style go a long way. Clothes that fit make a huge difference. Make-up doesn't have to be heavy to accent a nice feature. Less is most often best. If you're not sure where to get help with your hair, ask someone who's haircut you like where they get it cut. (Get referrals!!) Hygiene is important: teeth brushed, hair clean, nails clean and clean clothes too.

Attitude makes the biggest difference of all. Confidence makes people more attractive. Sometimes actors "act" confident even when they aren't really all that secure. I found the less talented actors tended to have the biggest egos. The very talented actors and singers were secure and confident and (usually) behaved very professionally. A sense of humor goes a long way in creating attractiveness.

A smiling face is much more handsome than a sour face.

I found and still find that as I get to know people, the nicer they are, the more their beauty grows in my eyes. The more obnoxious they are, the less attractive they seem. One of the reasons we think so many performers are beautiful is because we have come to know them through their work and that makes them seem like more. What that means is that kindness is actually a characteristic of beauty. (Which, I'll keep reminding you does not mean you don't have boundaries. Kindness becomes self destructive if you don't have boundaries.)

Do not buy into the myth that beauty is "perfection."
Perfect beauty can only be seen using the eyes of the heart and soul.

If you are alive, you are full of majesty and beauty. Everyone who is looking for true love is looking for something different and true love is not based on bra size or hair color, it's not based on how much skin is revealed. It is not based on expensive jeans or designer sunglasses and a man does not need a six pack to find lasting love.

When you look at yourself in the mirror and you want to see something attractive looking back, consider what exactly do you want to attract?

I'm here to tell you right now that there is someone who can and will love you for who you are if you let your truest self shine through. Think of your body as an accessory. Take care of it. Present yourself well (this is not about the more skin the better). And most of all, let your heart and imagination, your brains, your humor, and your goodness shine.

Keep shining!
Love,
Aunt Laya

With gratitude to Clarita and Morguefile.com

Can you taste the sweet?

Life has it's hard times and I talk a lot about how to get through the tough stuff. It's also important to see what is working and what is great. We all have a lot to be grateful about.

A famous performer was interviewed about her abusive past. She talked about the horrific things her mother did to her. And yet, she said she was grateful! Why? Because her mother, who was clearly mentally unstable--like really sick--never crossed the line to take her life. So this woman was grateful that her mother never killed her. And she made a great life for herself!

I share that extreme story because I want you to be able to see the sweetness that you have available in this life. I heard a great metaphor: If you're not tasting the sweetness of life then you aren't really opening up to the good there is for you. It's like trying to taste a lollipop with the wrapper on!

Exercise of the day: Get some kind of sweet that you really like to eat--watermelon, chocolate, mints, whatever. Pause for a minute before you eat it and pay attention to what's going to happen in your mouth when you taste it. Then enjoy the taste as it explodes in your mouth. (There are some people who do not have the sense of taste right now, this is a gift.) Gratitude is good.

Can you make a list of things (even in your head) that you have taken for granted?

Taste the sweetness. Hear the music. Feel the cool breeze at the end of a summer's day. Look into the eyes (or hearts) of the people who love you.




Have a great summer!

Love,
Aunt Laya

Photos from morguefile.com
Thank you to xandert and Cheryl Rankin!

If you can't afford to buy my book...

Please write me through my website. If you can't afford to buy the book, I'll send you the e-book for free, no strings attached.

I want any teen who wants to read my book to have access to it, and I really mean that. I want to empower young people (of any age). Knowledge, especially self knowledge, is empowering. So if you have read a sample at my website or Amazon, and want more, you can get the e-book version as simply as sending me a note and telling me you want the e-book.

Summer is a great time to take time for yourself.

Quote for the day: “You create your opportunities by asking for them." Shakti Gawain

Love,
Aunt Laya

Welcome PostSecret Community!

I want to welcome visitors from the PostSecret community. I've posted about that amazing blog before. Frank Warren, the creator of PostSecret put me on the Hopeline Blogroll since I posted the video about Hopeline below. Now I don't do tracking (don't know how) and I have no clue how many visitors I get, but I do know I've gotten visitors through that link, so welcome!

People's hearts are wrapped up in their secrets. For some people, letting a secret out is liberating. For some, knowing someone else has the same secret is comforting--we're not alone in our life's experiences.

Maybe the wondrous thing about sharing a secret is knowing you'll still be lovable. Maybe it's knowing that you really do have the power to change (thoughts, feelings, actions) or that it's OK to cry, or that it's OK to laugh.

Mostly I think it's about letting light into the darkest places, letting go, connecting, healing, and rising. That's my mission: to let light into lives, to inspire, and to empower people. I hope you will explore and find a little tidbit that will lift your day while you're here. I'd love to hear from you!

Love and blessings,
Laya

Thanks to ronnieb and morguefile.com for the wonderful photo

It's OK to ask for help

Call, if you need to.
Contribute a dollar or more if you can.
Volunteer, YOU will be changed!
Pray, because your prayers rock Heaven and Earth.

With love and blessings,
Aunt Laya

You Are What You Think!

What do you think about? "Down" thoughts will bring you "down." As T. Harv Eker says, "Crap moves at the speed of crap." So, if you want to feel good, think good things.

Imagine your success. Imagine the people you love and the people who love you.

Look around. If your environment is full of things that have bad memories, get rid of them.
Surround yourself with things that are uplifting to you.

Listen to music or motivational talks that make you feel energetic or enthusiastic. You can see lots of the top motivational speakers online for free on any of the channels where you view videos.

When I'm having a hard time falling asleep, I've trained myself to "think happy thoughts." I recommend it highly! What are happy thoughts for you? If your mind is cluttered with negative thoughts or busy thoughts of "things to do," write them down. Tear up the list of negative thoughts and toss them. Put the "things to do" list to the side and look at it when you're in business mode. Letting go is a great way for your mind to do its best work and you'll be surprised with the results. This sounds easier than it actually is. You may need to create a list of "happy thoughts" so that if you find your mind wandering to the negative side, you can remind yourself from the list.

The direction you look will be the direction you move toward. That law works whether you're driving, walking, or directing your life path.

What do you choose?

Love,
Aunt Laya

With gratitude to cohdra and morguefile.com for the amazing photo!

Depression

There are way too many people today who are feeling sad. Sometimes there are good reasons to feel sad. If you have a loss--loss of a job, a pet, or worse, those are real reasons to feel sad. Life always has a way of giving people hard times. Some things we don't have a choice about--like our past.

Sometimes people feel sad in a way that feels like it will never end.

Here are ideas to move you from sad to happier.

REST
One thing that is really important in everyone's well being is rest. Make sure you are getting enough rest each night. Lots of people take naps during the day, and that can be a great thing too.

If you find yourself sleeping most of the time, that is a symptom that you need professional help. You may have a medical or hormonal imbalance. It could be lots of things. It could also be that you are not facing something that you need to face in your life. Getting help is courageous and right.

NUTRITION
Eating too much sugar can actually make you feel sad. It can throw your whole system off. If you find that you're sad a lot, eat less sugar for a start.

WATER YOURSELF!
Not drinking enough water is the topic of whole books. Make sure you're drinking water first thing in the morning to get things flowing in your body. Your brain will function better and all your organs too. Your body is made up mostly of water so drink your eight glasses a day! (not Coke, not juice, water!)

BODY CHEMISTRY
The vitamins I recommend for anyone dealing with sadness are:

A good vitamin B complex. Make sure it's gentle and not a high dose. Take with food.

EFA's: That stands for Essential Fatty Acids. A 3-6-9 formula is good. It will keep your brain lubed.

Exercise:
Whole studies have been done that show exercise is an effective anti-depressant! Get moving. Do something you'll enjoy, walking, martial arts, swimming, biking to name a few. Get a buddy to move with you then you'll show up even when you don't feel like it. You'll be glad you did.


Choose your attitude!
You can do this.
More next time,
Love,
Aunt Laya