HopeLine from the Heart--Suicide preention

If you are a regular at my blog, you know I am a Postsecret fan. Frank Warren, the man who is behind the project is a big supporter of Hope Line Suicide prevention program. The notes and links below are from the Postsecret MySpace page.

Love,
Aunt Laya

*****

You may know of Reese's important work with HopeLine, but behind the scenes Reese has helped me many times with PostSecret and some of the community members who contact me directly.

Occationaly I get desperate emails from people that I am not equipt to respond to. In the past, I have forwarded these to Reese who is much better qualified to offer help. For the first time, here is one of those caring examples:


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From: Rebecca
Sent: Tuesday, July 01, 2008 3:49 AM
To: frank warren
Subject: To Frank, 1-800-suicide,

Hi,

My name is Rebecca and I'm 16 years old. I live in Las Vegas, Nevada with both of my parents and my older sister.

When I was growing up I never felt genuinely happy, I was often teased at school by class mates and physically abused at home. My dad was/is a drunk and my mom worked/s full time. When I was 10 I tried to commit suicide, a friend of mine had intervened and my parents stood idle, blind to the fact that I was extremely unhappy.

Lately I have had the urge to hurt myself, and I have given in. I don't know whats compelling me to do it, it doesn't make me feel better; it just takes my mind off of suicide. I have wanted to call the HopeLine for some time now, but I can't find the courage to do it... A month or two back I had confessed to a friend that I wanted to commit suicide and how my dad abused me when I was younger. He told me everything would be alright and if I need anything call him. He referred me to the hotline hoping it might save my life; and right now I need saving.

I'm too scared to call 1(800)SUICIDE; I'm too scared that calling and talking about it isn't going to be enough to help me. I'm scared that if I call nobody will pick up.

I hope to one day have the courage to call and move forward with my life.


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From: Reese Butler
To: Rebecca
Subject: To Frank, 1-800-suicide,

Dear Rebecca,

I promise you if you call us we will pick up. Please call 877-YOUTHLINE 968-8454 to reach a teen peer counselor. If you call between noon and 9PM at night you will reach a teen. It should ring to Phoenix Teen Lifeline. You can look them up online to see what they are all about. They are very cool and can help you understand what you are dealing with in a hopefully more productive way. Mainly just be there as a shoulder to lean on.

If you wish to chat online you can do so at at www.kidscrisis.com

Or any of these web sites:

http://www.realmentalhealth.com/chat/default.asp

http://www.counselingnet.com

http://www.kidshelp.com.au/template/standard.aspx?s=126&p=129&r=104&b=2

http://newhopeonline.org/counseling/liveperson.html

I also suggest reading the book Suicide the Forever Decision. It is
great read, (not boring) and very relevant.

You can download it for free at www.qprinstitute.com

If you are looking for email support you can find support at jo@samaritans.org

Let me know if these links are of no help. I have many more.

Lastly I do care that you live, and find happiness. Please do not do
anything to harm yourself. There are many who care. Please call us.

Best always,

Reese Butler

President and Founder
Kristin Brooks Hope Center
National Hopeline Network 1-800-SUICIDE 784-2433
202-536-3200
202-536-3206 fax
615 7th Street NE
Washington, D.C. 20002
www.hopeline.com
reese@hopeline.com


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From: Reese Butler
To: Rebecca
Subject: To Frank, 1-800-suicide,

Dear Rebecca,

I hope you are well or better. I never heard back from you so I do not know if you used the resources I sent and what the outcome was. I come across your picture and letter every once in a while and think of you. I wish there was more I could do but want you to know there are people who care unconditionally and will help if you will reach out.

Please drop me a note and let me know what is going on.

Best always,

Reese Butler
President and Founder
Kristin Brooks Hope Center
National Hopeline Network 1-800-SUICIDE 784-2433
202-536-3200
202-536-3206 fax
1250 24th Street NW
Suite 300
Washington, D.C. 20037
www.hopeline.com
reese@hopeline.com


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From: Rebecca
To: Reese Butler
Subject: To Frank, 1-800-suicide,

Reese-

I'm sorry I never got back to you. I've been keeping busy, trying not to have too much free time to let my mind wonder. It's great to know someone thinks about me now and then. I'm doing better, I've found a friend I can talk to when I'm feeling under the weather and I do the same for him. I still haven't called the hotline, I can't seem to find the guts to. I did however read that book you were talking about. It really made me think about my life and how fortunate I am. I realized I do have a future and I'm in control of that. Still on the long road to recovery, I'm confident I can make it through this.

Thank you so much for being there and recognizing me. I really appreciate everything you've done for me.

-Rebecca


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From: Reese Butler ..
To: Rebecca
Subject: To Frank, 1-800-suicide,

No worries. I am just glad things are better for you and you have a support system.

The teen peer line is a great resource when your friends are not around. As they are teens too and deal with the same issues you do they can relate better than doctors or parents sometimes . 877-YOUTHLINE (968-8454)

I am glad also you read the book. Now you should be able to take the course and the test that goes along with it and become a certified gatekeeper and be in a position to help others. Interested?

Best always,


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From: Rebecca
To: Reese Butler
Subject: To Frank, 1-800-suicide,

I am very interested in helping others. I would love the opportunity to share my story and reach out to people in need. I would love to help in any way possible.

-Rebecca


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How do you heal a broken heart?

When your heart is broken,

how can you heal?
How do you heal a broken heart?

I

Know that you can heal a broken heart. Others have healed a broken heart and you can too. It may not be easy, it may not be fast, but healing can happen. This you need to know.

II

Next, you have to be willing to heal. You don't have to know how, you just have to go inside to the deepest depths and say to yourself, "I am willing to heal." Through the pain and sadness, through the grief and shattered feelings, you simply have to acknowledge that you are willing to heal.

III

Understand that healing is a process. It does not happen all at once. There is no guarantee about how long this process will take, it's different for everyone. There are days that are harder and days that are easier. Sometimes you think you're doing fine and suddenly sad feelings sneak up on you again. That's part of the process. Hang in there! The good days will come again and they'll come more and more often.

IV

Time does heal. It may not seem like it when you're in pain, but know that time really does bring healing. Again, there is no guarantee about how long the process will take, but time is one of the elements of healing a broken heart. It's kind of like healing in the body, a cut will also heal with time. You don't put a bandage on a cut and expect to wake up the next morning and the cut is gone. So be patient with yourself, your emotions, and your heart.

V

Be honest with yourself about why you were wounded, why your heart was broken. This is the mental part of the process. Be truthful about this part even though it may not be fun. You don't have to say this out loud to any one. Were you expecting something the other person wasn't able to give you? Lots of broken hearts are when people have expectations of a relationship that the other person can not or doesn't even want to fulfill. If you can really evaluate what went wrong, you can learn about yourself so you can set up a healthier relationship next time. Learn something about yourself from each experience.

VI

Acknowledge the gifts you take from the relationship. I don't mean goodies, I mean the gifts of life experience. Did you see that you have the capacity to love? Did you learn something about boundaries? Did you learn about communication? Did you learn something about how to be with other people? There is something you have to be grateful about, name that.

VII

Be tender with yourself. What does that mean? Be kind to you. Make sure that you think thoughts that are kind (saying you are a jerk or a loser is NOT being kind to you or anyone else and do not belong in your thoughts or vocabulary). Open your heart to yourself the same way you would open your heart to a friend in pain. I find that a lot of people have never learned how to be gentle with themselves. This is a skill worth developing! You'll be a nicer person to other people when you learn how to be good to yourself. This is about balancing your thoughts and emotions.

VIII

Do not rush into another relationship. When you go into a relationship from a place of wholeness you will be wiser in your choice of who to date. If you do not heal, you are likely to make the same mistake over and over again until you learn the lesson. Take the time for yourself so you can have and be the best for yourself. This is a great time to get into something so you can express yourself creatively. Maybe writing, music, art, knitting, sports, what ever feels creative and fulfilling to you.

IX

You do not have to do this alone. You can talk with a friend or a counselor. Ask for help when you need help. No one is expected to do life alone. If you don't feel like you have someone to talk things through with, don't sit around feeling sorry for yourself, ask around. Take care of yourself enough to ask for help when you need help. There are some wonderful people with open hearts who would be honored to be your friend or counselor.

X

Time, tenderness, talking it through. Once your heart is broken, you will never be the same. That's okay! All of life builds us and shapes us. Take each experience to deepen the truth of who you are: You are a wonderful, loving person who lights up this world. Take a rest as you heal. Keep shining.

Love,
Aunt Laya

with gratitude to Morguefile.com and bekahboo42 for the beautiful photo

Need some hope?

Remember...
It is in the darkest of night that the stars shine brightest.

Love,
Aunt Laya

With gratitude to Morguefile and kahanaboy for the beautiful photo!

Advice for a Tree

This question came in as a comment for an earlier post:

Dear Aunt Laya,
I need some advice, because I can't seem to find anyone who can tell me how to solve my problem. I can't get myself to go to class everyday! I skip and come up with all sorts of excuses, though the real reason is that I feel like a loser in class. My class consists of students with sky-high GPAs, and I am the only odd one there. Although I work harder than them in terms of written work, I cannot think like them and generate questions like how they do. In my school, we are graded on our participation and knowledge and not how much work we produce. I always get out-beaten and never feels good. My grades are failing, I only have one year before I graduate and I can't help feeling hopeless and useless all the time. I never hated school this much. I would really appreciate some advice.

Dying Tree.

********

Dear Tree,
Sometimes trees appear to be dying but they are not. It is fall and time for the leaves to die and fall off, but the tree isn't really dying, its just in a cycle of renewal. The tree stands strong and beautiful in the winter as the next phase is preparing itself. There is a beauty in this cycle of life too but you have to look for it to see it. Then in the spring new buds will form and suddenly seem to burst forth in an explosion of growth.

DO NOT DESPAIR! I learned that despair is when someone is full of self pity and then there is no room for joy to come in. Now may be a good time for you to redefine what success is to you. It's not the same for everyone, you know? If you have only one year left to graduate, keep showing up and get through this. It doesn't have to be on the same terms as everyone else. Just because the instructor is not judging you in a framework that is fair to you, you don't have to measure your success in the same way. Don't let discouragement get the better of you. Hang in there, "this too shall pass".

Have you defined your dreams? Do you know what is important to you? School is a tool and a stepping stone. Finish what you started and then use the open doors to head toward your heart's desire. That means you are true to you (not some teacher's version of what you "should" be, what your Creator intended for you to be in all your shining true self).

You really can do this!

Love and (((hugs))),
Aunt Laya

Thank you to Robb and Morguefile.com for the beautiful photo!

Thank You

Did you get a card in the mail with a love note or a check? Who carried it to you? Who drove it and got it ready for the person who delivered it? Who made the card? Who brought the card to the store so it could be purchased and sent to you? Who designed the card? Who made the pen used to address the card?

Get what I mean? Behind every thing you enjoy, big or small, many, many hands were involved in making that thing happen.

Take a minute to think about this. Like my posts? Who at blogger set up this free service and made it simple enough for even me to post? :-) Who programed these computers? Who designed the computer and who made the parts to put it together? Who made the car that the person who sold the computer used to get to work? Who is feeding all these people, growing vegetables and fruit and grains? (not to mention the food that you eat!)

We are none of us alone in this world, we are all taking care of each other in small and big ways. Don't forget to take a minute to thank the bus driver that gets you safely where you're going. Don't forget to thank the guy you see picking up trash for keeping the neighborhood clean.

Say thank you with a smile, with a wink, with a handshake or a hug. Say thank you with a flower or a note. But do say it, it's a great lift to be thankful (even after Thanksgiving!)

Then turn it in on yourself. Notice what you like about you and be grateful for all you are and all you can do. Be grateful for the hidden potential that you have yet to discover about yourself.

I'm grateful for you, for reading these notes, for the emails you send, and for inspiring me to keep on doing what I do, writing and talking.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Pain is a Gift!

What?!? Pain is a gift? Yes! You wouldn't want to do life without it. Why?

What if people didn't feel the burn of a hot pan? We'd get so damaged we couldn't function. When we feel the burn of something hot, we let go... so we don't get hurt more!!! Get it?

When you feel pain, it's a signal for change.

Ask yourself:
What is this pain trying to tell or teach me?
What can I do to make a change that will heal?
Do I need to change my thoughts?
Do I need to change my environment?
Do I need to change my actions?
Do I need to change my perceptions?

Growing pains happen. Use them to make you stronger, kinder, wiser, healthier.

Use everything to your advantage!
Love,
Aunt Laya

Thanks again to Morguefile.com and also fattymattybrewing for the great photo

Celebrate!

OK, there is a lot about the hard times that is being talked about. Hard times with money, work, terrorism, and they are all real issues that need to be addressed. But that doesn't mean that we can't have good times too. So how do you create a good time? Declare it. Call some friends or sit with family and make a party to celebrate life, to celebrate friendship, to celebrate what you DO have. You can even make a little celebration all by yourself. If you are feeling alone, then there is someone else who is alone and just waiting for your call and invitation. (Be brave and make the call! Or make three calls until you have the company you want.)

You can give your celebration a theme: birthday, un-birthday, Christmas, Hanuka, Kwanzaa, Solstice, or summer in December and make a picnic on the floor in your living room. Get a few props: candles, music, yummy treats, or art supplies. Get creative.

Shake yourself up. Inspire yourself. Give yourself a lift and maybe life someone else's spirits along the way. Last week I went to the mall and had some fun giving out chocolates to some nice people who helped me. Look for things to celebrate and you'll find them.

I celebrate you!
Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to Morguefile.com and Clarita for the great photo

Try Again

Challenges

"Good timber does not grow with ease.
The stronger the wind, the stronger the trees."

I don't know who first said this but it teaches us in another way that the hard times in life make us stronger. Challenges shape us to be better.

Stay strong!

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thanks to Allen Conant and morguefile.com for the great photo!

Suicide and Depression

Lots and lots of people care about you. Friends seen and unseen.
Never despair! Hang on to hope. Call the Hopeline if you need to.
Love, Aunt Laya

Thanks for the great video PostSecret!

Help for Teens to Graduate High School

If you need a boost in getting through school...
If you can give a boost in helping someone else get through school...

http://www.boostup.org/

is a place to go online to get or give a boost up!

It's a really great idea, so go support someone or ask for support right now.

It's easy and simple: Just click here if you haven't already.

Cheers!
Aunt Laya

Overcoming Fear and Regret

If I could give my previous post about fear a soundtrack, this would be it.

Consider this post a kind of "love note" from me to you.
May you walk in strength and sweetness and joy.
Keep growing!
Love,
Aunt Laya

Teens, Tweens, Parents, Teachers:

Teens, Tweens, Parents, and Teachers:

I just got an email with this announcement.

Teens and tweens and younger kids deserve to be safer so check it out and stay safe.

Love,

Aunt Laya

Introducing the NetSmartz
Internet Safety 2009 Presentations!

NetSmartz® Workshop has been hard at work updating our Internet Safety Presentations. The new PowerPoint presentations for parents and communities, tweens, and teens are now available for you to download. They incorporate current statistics, our newest videos, and vibrant graphics!

NetSmartz free, multimedia Internet safety presentations are tailored for specific audiences - parents and communities, tweens, teens, and younger children. Our innovative presentations utilize statistics, online resources, videos, and expert tips to educate, engage, and empower children and adults to be safer on- and offline.

Go to http://www.NetSmartz.org/Presentations to download the NetSmartz Internet Safety 2009 Presentations today!

Educate Parents & Communities

This 60-minute PowerPoint for parents with children ages 5-17 and communities includes

Facts of online risks
Statistics, videos, and other resources
Tips for keeping children safer online

Engage Tweens & Teens

Two 45-minute PowerPoint presentations for tweens and teens contain

Animated and documentary-style videos
Candid, thought-provoking discussions
Practical advice and free resources

Empower Younger Children

These 30-minute interactive Primary and Intermediate presentations include

Age-appropriate explanations of online risks
Easy-to-remember online safety rules
Interactive, animated lessons led by Clicky, Nettie, and Webster

Go to http://www.NetSmartz.org/Presentations to download the NetSmartz Internet Safety 2009 Presentations today!

Relationship Help

This is one of the best videos I've seen in a long time.
I hope you are as inspired as I am by this one.


Love,
Aunt Laya

Overcoming Fear

Once I was working on a movie set with a famous actress/model. Just before the camera started rolling, she started to scream and stomp about. Everyone on the set thought she had lost her mind. As suddenly as she started, she stopped and looked around smiling. She explained that she learned that if some place inside she felt foolish about a scene, she should really "act" foolish so that the scene would feel normal to her.

What ever the reasons are we sometimes give in to fear of going for our dreams. I don't think it's always important to know why. It's OK to skip the why and simply get to the how.

There are different kinds of fear.

• Fear that is good because it can keep you safe.
  
• Irrational fear--fear that has no basis in reality and actually interferes with daily life.
• Fear that holds you back from living your dreams.

Sometimes it's good to be afraid. We're supposed to be afraid to run in front of a speeding train. It's wise to wait until the train is past before we cross the tracks. It's good for a woman to have some fear about walking alone in a parking lot at night. Bad things happen too often and it's wise to ask a man (or for a man to offer) to walk a woman to her car at night. It's good to be afraid of going to jail. It may be better to do what's right just because it's right, but it's also good to understand that some actions have a negative consequence and to be afraid of that is healthy.

Sometimes fear is debilitating. Fear can be so deep and wide that the person who is feeling it can not leave their home. This is not healthy fear. It is a kind of fear that can be treated though help may be needed. Some people are so afraid of flying that they will not leave their home town. That's not a big deal if it's not stopping the person from his normal life. It's sad if he has can not go to the award presentation for his good work because of his fear.

Then there is the kind of fear that doesn't look like such a big deal. I mean, you're living your life just fine, right? Yet, there are fears that stand in the way of doing, being, or accomplishing something that would make your heart sing.

This is fear that you can conquer!

The power of imagination

The truth is, fear is mostly imagined. One of my many favorite quotes is by Mark Twain:

"I am an old man and have known a great many troubles,
but most of them never happened." ~Mark Twain

Courageous people are not those without fear, they move in spite of their fear.

You know this is true. Think about something you were very fearful about that in the end worked out just fine. You already have life experience with this, but maybe you don't give yourself credit. Were you afraid the first day at a new job, but now you love it? Were you afraid the first day of a new school, but you made friends and got through it? Did you remember the first time you got on a bus or train or airplane alone?

Have you ever tried to do something and the thing failed? Maybe you felt bad for a time, but then if you think about it, don't you feel great that you gave it a try? Did you learn something? Did you turn your learning into a stepping stone?

Think about the times when you have accomplished the thing you felt fearful about. Remember and hold onto the feeling of accomplishment when you succeeded. Imagine that same great feeling right now and in the future.

You can do this.
Email me your wins, I love hearing from you.

Love,
Aunt Laya

with gratitude to FlyingPete and morguefile.com for the amazing photo!

Deer-in-the-Headlights Syndrome

Ever have something important to do and you just froze, couldn't move, couldn't make a choice? Have an important call to make or important decision and you just didn't do it?

That is deer-in-the-headlights syndrome or DITHS.

"Deer in the headlights" is when a deer is in the road at night and a car is coming at it--straight at it--and it just stares into the headlights and doesn't move out of the way. The results of being frozen for the poor deer can be fatal. The results for the oncoming car can also be traumatic.

The point here is there may really be some intense consequences when you don't move and you need to.

One of the simplest techniques for overcoming DITHS is to communicate!! It is perfectly acceptable to say, "I need some time to think about this" or "I can't make a decision so fast, let me get back to you."

When you need to take action but you just don't know what to do, it is really OK to ask for help. You could ask a friend to help or support you accomplish something important. You can ask a professional to help (it's how they make their living and they do that because they most likely actually enjoy helping!). If it's about an important decision, ask someone who's life experience and opinion you trust to talk it through with you.

Now here's something else to consider. Even if you've experienced a DITHS moment and had a significant loss or pain from it, life is not over, you can grow from this and move forward anyway. You know the old saying, when one door closes, another one opens. It's true. Only thing is, if you don't pay attention, all those missed opportunities can cost you in time or money or relationships.

This one is about waking up and stepping up. It's about taking action even though you might feel afraid and knowing it will all be OK. It's about taking responsibility for yourself and it's very empowering.

You can do this, small bits at a time are great.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thanks to mouguefile.com and somadjinn for the beautiful photo!

Need Some Inspiration?

When you feel like things are hard, have a look at this young man and his dad for some inspiration.



Thanks for stopping by.

Love,
Aunt Laya

"Take Wing"

"Take Wing" is my newest project. After a long time of talking about an ezine, it's now a reality. Ezine stands for "electronic magazine"--like a newsletter that shows up with your email. What I do is short and sweet. Although it's still in process it will pretty much come your in-box one or two times a month with more inspiration for you.

It's easy to sign up. Just go to the sign up page at my website, fill in the form, and you're in! Never worry about spam because I will never sell your email address. You can subscribe simply and unsubscribe with a click when ever you want.

Simple. See ya there!

Love,
Aunt Laya