Transforming Tough into Triumph!!!
Grab what makes you comfortable and curl up with the advice, blessings, musings, photos, quotes, and links that are presented to inspire, motivate, encourage, strengthen you.
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. -- Buddha
First thing is to understand that anger is ALWAYS about ego. That's hard to take in if you're in the heat of anger. If you can, try this on for size: what ever it is that is making you mad isn't really the issue, it's the way you react to any given situation that matters. You can argue this one, but I'm not sure anger will ever really help resolve any situation.
I used to study martial arts. I learned that if you're sparring and you get mad at your opponent, you can no longer spar with a clear mind. So one of my teachers taught me to think of sparring as a game of tag. If your opponent hits you, he taught you where you are open so you can become a better martial artist.
People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing. -- Will Rogers
In life, when something makes you angry, you have a chance to learn about yourself and grow.
OK, all that said, it's important to understand that feelings are feelings. If you get angry, it's a wake-up call, but don't just stuff the feelings and pretend they aren't there. You have a situation to deal with, not to ignore. The anger is a red flag that says "pay attention." That might mean creating better boundaries, it might mean getting out of a situation that's not healthy, it might mean a heart-to-heart talk with someone you care deeply about. It could mean any number of things. AND, if you act out in anger, you are very likely to regret it so it's important to stop and think before you act.
Two things a man should never be angry at: what he can help, and what he cannot help. -- Thomas Fuller
Think about this:
Underneath anger is hurt. If you weren't hurting, you wouldn't be angry.
Underneath hurt is caring. If you didn't care, you wouldn't feel hurt about it.
Underneath it all is the loving essence of who you are at your core, your spirit.
If you can tap into the deeper layers, you can get past the destruction of the anger faster.
What do you want? What is really important to you? What do you want more than anything else in the world? What is it? You have to name it to claim it!!! Do you want to quit smoking? Do you want to get a degree or certificate? Do you want to be fit? Do you have financial goals?
SET YOUR GOAL
When you have a burning desire and you are courageous enough to admit that to yourself, if you are courageous enough to admit it to yourself, then you just need to take the steps and you can achieve it. Let's get real. It must be something realistic. Don't anyone email me that you want to win the lottery or set up a farm on the moon.
Something I learned that was very empowering: You can have anything you want. You can't have everything, but you can have anything. So, what is most important to you?
Once you know what your goal is, you can figure out--for yourself--how will you know when you reached your goal? Like if you want to be a non-smoker, how long will it be without a cigarette until you'll feel like you can call yourself a non-smoker? If you want to find a life mate, it's bit trickier because someone else is invovled in that, so create a criteria of "preparing" to meet a life mate. Then your goal will be about what you can do for yourself. Ask yourself: How will I know I have successfully accomplished this goal?
LIST THE BABY STEPS
What are the small steps you might need to take to accomplish this thing that is so important to you? For the person who wants to quit smoking it might be to call a doctor for an appointment to get a patch. It might be to make an appointment for a session of EFT (emotional freedom technique). Another might be to set up an emotional support system. If the goal is to get a degree, the baby steps might include calling the school to set up an appointment to register, arragnging a work schedule, getting a scholarship, buying school supplies, etc.
Be sure to set up a reward system all along the way. Enjoy the jourey by allowing celebration of the milestones along the way. Maybe you can think of some wonderful way you can celebrate the small successes and the end goal as well.
Remember that getting to your goal is a process, it doesn't happen all at once. It's not supposed to happen all at once. And guess what? It doesn't always have to feel easy. Break things down to smaller steps. Remember the old saying: by the yard it's hard, by the inch it's a cinch.
Another thing is to have a good support system. Only talk about your goal with a one or two or three people who you are close with and who will support you. Don't blab to people who will put you down or tell you why you can't have the things you want in life. Reserve your energy for taking the steps that are important to you!
You CAN do this. You really can! Feel free to leave comments about the things you do to reach your goals successfully. Or email me about your successes.