How to Deal with Suffering in Life, Part 1

Dear Aunt Laya,

…reading your words brought much needed comfort to my heart and soul.  Thank You. I have one question:  Why does a person have to suffer so much in this life?…I have had to deal with so much suffering, ...so much.  Why?  I stay happy.  I live in joy.  I give unconditionally to others.  I do my very best each and every day.  Yet awful things still happen.  Hoping you can send some much needed light into this question for me.

Many blessings for all you are doing to help others,

~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~

Dearest Reader,

Thank you so much for writing me, it means the world to me to know that the words from my heart have touched you in a way that brings you comfort.

The question you ask, “Why does a person have to suffer so much in this life?” has been asked for millennium. Before I even begin to share my simple understanding, know that there is no one answer, and I could never answer this deep question fully. My hope is that maybe some piece of my answer will bring some portion of peace and hope to help us get through the harder trials in life.

So, to touch into this most difficult question begins the simplest answer, the least satisfying of all (that no man or woman will ever fully grasp): There is a bigger picture and we cannot know from our limited human perspective what that is!

Each of us is a soul, created for a Divine mission and purpose. We do not have access to the “whole picture” of the soul, its journey, or why she is here in this earthly experience. From a broader, Heavenly perspective, there is purpose and meaning to each and every breath we take. We think we can understand some of it, but then, we have the hardest of times, loss, change, or upheaval and it can feel like life is crashing in on us.

An oyster is a small shellfish. One grain of sand enters the shell. We know how annoying a small pebble that slipped into our shoe can feel; now imagine that this delicate fish is subjected to sharp pain against its small, tender flesh. The nature of an oyster is such that when it feels that rough grain of sand, it secretes a substance to coat the offending source of pain. It coats and coats and coats until the surface is smooth: a pearl is created. From pain and hurt, is created a beautiful gem: the pearl.

This life, though full of pleasures and delights to be sure, is also full of pains and disappointments. We live in illusion of what we think life “should” be, then we are disillusioned and disappointed as we see that life does not fit our perspective.

Yet, everything, everything that we experience has meaning and purpose. Every life experience holds rich gifts for us to cash in on if we stay awake and aware, or conscious, to what we are experiencing. Each trial or pain comes with a gift of its own—an insight, deeper compassion or understanding or wisdom, and it is our job to find the pearl and treasure it.

It is at this point that our personal power comes in. We may not be able to control what happens around us, and most likely we cannot for much that goes on in and around our lives. We may, however, control the way in which we see things and the actions and reactions we choose as a response.

This is what builds us, and this is how we build ourselves.

Over the coming weeks, (and in this ezine and blog) I’ll be writing more about this. In the meantime, keep shining!

Love,

Aunt Laya

With gratitude to kconnors and Morguefile.com for the beautiful photo

How do you heal a broken heart?

When your heart is broken,

how can you heal?
How do you heal a broken heart?

I

Know that you can heal a broken heart. Others have healed a broken heart and you can too. It may not be easy, it may not be fast, but healing can happen. This you need to know.

II

Next, you have to be willing to heal. You don't have to know how, you just have to go inside to the deepest depths and say to yourself, "I am willing to heal." Through the pain and sadness, through the grief and shattered feelings, you simply have to acknowledge that you are willing to heal.

III

Understand that healing is a process. It does not happen all at once. There is no guarantee about how long this process will take, it's different for everyone. There are days that are harder and days that are easier. Sometimes you think you're doing fine and suddenly sad feelings sneak up on you again. That's part of the process. Hang in there! The good days will come again and they'll come more and more often.

IV

Time does heal. It may not seem like it when you're in pain, but know that time really does bring healing. Again, there is no guarantee about how long the process will take, but time is one of the elements of healing a broken heart. It's kind of like healing in the body, a cut will also heal with time. You don't put a bandage on a cut and expect to wake up the next morning and the cut is gone. So be patient with yourself, your emotions, and your heart.

V

Be honest with yourself about why you were wounded, why your heart was broken. This is the mental part of the process. Be truthful about this part even though it may not be fun. You don't have to say this out loud to any one. Were you expecting something the other person wasn't able to give you? Lots of broken hearts are when people have expectations of a relationship that the other person can not or doesn't even want to fulfill. If you can really evaluate what went wrong, you can learn about yourself so you can set up a healthier relationship next time. Learn something about yourself from each experience.

VI

Acknowledge the gifts you take from the relationship. I don't mean goodies, I mean the gifts of life experience. Did you see that you have the capacity to love? Did you learn something about boundaries? Did you learn about communication? Did you learn something about how to be with other people? There is something you have to be grateful about, name that.

VII

Be tender with yourself. What does that mean? Be kind to you. Make sure that you think thoughts that are kind (saying you are a jerk or a loser is NOT being kind to you or anyone else and do not belong in your thoughts or vocabulary). Open your heart to yourself the same way you would open your heart to a friend in pain. I find that a lot of people have never learned how to be gentle with themselves. This is a skill worth developing! You'll be a nicer person to other people when you learn how to be good to yourself. This is about balancing your thoughts and emotions.

VIII

Do not rush into another relationship. When you go into a relationship from a place of wholeness you will be wiser in your choice of who to date. If you do not heal, you are likely to make the same mistake over and over again until you learn the lesson. Take the time for yourself so you can have and be the best for yourself. This is a great time to get into something so you can express yourself creatively. Maybe writing, music, art, knitting, sports, what ever feels creative and fulfilling to you.

IX

You do not have to do this alone. You can talk with a friend or a counselor. Ask for help when you need help. No one is expected to do life alone. If you don't feel like you have someone to talk things through with, don't sit around feeling sorry for yourself, ask around. Take care of yourself enough to ask for help when you need help. There are some wonderful people with open hearts who would be honored to be your friend or counselor.

X

Time, tenderness, talking it through. Once your heart is broken, you will never be the same. That's okay! All of life builds us and shapes us. Take each experience to deepen the truth of who you are: You are a wonderful, loving person who lights up this world. Take a rest as you heal. Keep shining.

Love,
Aunt Laya

with gratitude to Morguefile.com and bekahboo42 for the beautiful photo

Loneliness

"I know the night is not the same as the day:

that all things are different, that the things of the night cannot be explained in the day, because they do not then exist, and the night can be a dreadful time for lonely people once their loneliness has started."

--Ernest Hemingway ("A Farewell to Arms")

You are not alone.

There are people who have survived what you are trying to survive and they want to help you through it to the other side. It's okay to ask for help.

Want to know where to turn? You can post here anonymously and I'll help you find resources. Or you can check out the links right here for more. People want you to ask for help. And if you don’t get what you need from one person, ask someone else, keep looking.

It's a funny thing how this world works sometimes. You can be feeling all lonely, and then someone who you don't even know is putting out love, like invisible arms reaching out to hold you. And that love is very real. Your heart can grab onto the love and find a safe place inside to heal.

Do not despair. You found this love note, you can find more. There are links on the right side of this page you can use right now. This, too, shall pass!

"The stars shine the brightest when the night sky is darkest."

You are not alone.

Love,
Aunt Laya