It's there even if you can't see it

 An interesting thing happened one morning when I was picking figs for breakfast...

This summer I spent many mornings eating breakfast at my fig tree. Divine! The interesting thing about a fig tree, is that the figs don't all ripen at once. New fruits come out each day as the older fruits are ripening. When eating straight from the tree, the trick is to find them ripe enough, but not too ripe. 

One morning I saw the perfect fig. I knew it would be a taste of Heaven. I moved in close between the branches and leaves. As I got closer, it just disappeared! How could it be? I moved out again and saw it. So I knew that when I moved in closer, something blocked my view as it seemed to disappear.  What a metaphor for our goals and dreams in life.

You may know clearly what your goals and dreams are. You may be taking action in the direction of your goals and dreams. Then, as you think you are moving closer, all signs of actualizing it seem to disappear.

Take heart! 

Just because you don't see your goal as close as you thought you were to it, does not mean your heart's desire is not there. 

Try changing your perspective, move about (in thoughts or actions or both). You'll see it, maybe closer than you thought!

Love,

Aunt Laya

Photo by me one morning at breakfast. :-) 

With gratitude to the Creator of figs, cameras, and all of life!

Disappointed?

This quote seen at the bottom of an email...

"Disappointments are inevitable

However misery is an option"

Choose well!

Love,
Aunt Laya

I'm SO angry!!!

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
-- Buddha

First thing is to understand that anger is ALWAYS about ego. That's hard to take in if you're in the heat of anger. If you can, try this on for size: what ever it is that is making you mad isn't really the issue, it's the way you react to any given situation that matters. You can argue this one, but I'm not sure anger will ever really help resolve any situation.

I used to study martial arts. I learned that if you're sparring and you get mad at your opponent, you can no longer spar with a clear mind. So one of my teachers taught me to think of sparring as a game of tag. If your opponent hits you, he taught you where you are open so you can become a better martial artist.

People who fly into a rage
always make a bad landing.
-- Will Rogers

In life, when something makes you angry, you have a chance to learn about yourself and grow.

OK, all that said, it's important to understand that feelings are feelings. If you get angry, it's a wake-up call, but don't just stuff the feelings and pretend they aren't there. You have a situation to deal with, not to ignore. The anger is a red flag that says "pay attention." That might mean creating better boundaries, it might mean getting out of a situation that's not healthy, it might mean a heart-to-heart talk with someone you care deeply about. It could mean any number of things. AND, if you act out in anger, you are very likely to regret it so it's important to stop and think before you act.

Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help, and what he cannot help.
-- Thomas Fuller

Think about this:

• Underneath anger is hurt. If you weren't hurting, you wouldn't be angry.

• Underneath hurt is caring. If you didn't care, you wouldn't feel hurt about it.

• Underneath it all is the loving essence of who you are at your core, your spirit.

If you can tap into the deeper layers, you can get past the destruction of the anger faster.

For more ideas about how to take control of your life in a positive way you can read these earlier posts from this blog.

Blessing of the day: May you find the best thoughts and remedies to bring you the sweetest peace of mind.

Love,
Aunt Laya

How do you heal a broken heart?

When your heart is broken,

how can you heal?
How do you heal a broken heart?

I

Know that you can heal a broken heart. Others have healed a broken heart and you can too. It may not be easy, it may not be fast, but healing can happen. This you need to know.

II

Next, you have to be willing to heal. You don't have to know how, you just have to go inside to the deepest depths and say to yourself, "I am willing to heal." Through the pain and sadness, through the grief and shattered feelings, you simply have to acknowledge that you are willing to heal.

III

Understand that healing is a process. It does not happen all at once. There is no guarantee about how long this process will take, it's different for everyone. There are days that are harder and days that are easier. Sometimes you think you're doing fine and suddenly sad feelings sneak up on you again. That's part of the process. Hang in there! The good days will come again and they'll come more and more often.

IV

Time does heal. It may not seem like it when you're in pain, but know that time really does bring healing. Again, there is no guarantee about how long the process will take, but time is one of the elements of healing a broken heart. It's kind of like healing in the body, a cut will also heal with time. You don't put a bandage on a cut and expect to wake up the next morning and the cut is gone. So be patient with yourself, your emotions, and your heart.

V

Be honest with yourself about why you were wounded, why your heart was broken. This is the mental part of the process. Be truthful about this part even though it may not be fun. You don't have to say this out loud to any one. Were you expecting something the other person wasn't able to give you? Lots of broken hearts are when people have expectations of a relationship that the other person can not or doesn't even want to fulfill. If you can really evaluate what went wrong, you can learn about yourself so you can set up a healthier relationship next time. Learn something about yourself from each experience.

VI

Acknowledge the gifts you take from the relationship. I don't mean goodies, I mean the gifts of life experience. Did you see that you have the capacity to love? Did you learn something about boundaries? Did you learn about communication? Did you learn something about how to be with other people? There is something you have to be grateful about, name that.

VII

Be tender with yourself. What does that mean? Be kind to you. Make sure that you think thoughts that are kind (saying you are a jerk or a loser is NOT being kind to you or anyone else and do not belong in your thoughts or vocabulary). Open your heart to yourself the same way you would open your heart to a friend in pain. I find that a lot of people have never learned how to be gentle with themselves. This is a skill worth developing! You'll be a nicer person to other people when you learn how to be good to yourself. This is about balancing your thoughts and emotions.

VIII

Do not rush into another relationship. When you go into a relationship from a place of wholeness you will be wiser in your choice of who to date. If you do not heal, you are likely to make the same mistake over and over again until you learn the lesson. Take the time for yourself so you can have and be the best for yourself. This is a great time to get into something so you can express yourself creatively. Maybe writing, music, art, knitting, sports, what ever feels creative and fulfilling to you.

IX

You do not have to do this alone. You can talk with a friend or a counselor. Ask for help when you need help. No one is expected to do life alone. If you don't feel like you have someone to talk things through with, don't sit around feeling sorry for yourself, ask around. Take care of yourself enough to ask for help when you need help. There are some wonderful people with open hearts who would be honored to be your friend or counselor.

X

Time, tenderness, talking it through. Once your heart is broken, you will never be the same. That's okay! All of life builds us and shapes us. Take each experience to deepen the truth of who you are: You are a wonderful, loving person who lights up this world. Take a rest as you heal. Keep shining.

Love,
Aunt Laya

with gratitude to Morguefile.com and bekahboo42 for the beautiful photo

Pain is a Gift!

What?!? Pain is a gift? Yes! You wouldn't want to do life without it. Why?

What if people didn't feel the burn of a hot pan? We'd get so damaged we couldn't function. When we feel the burn of something hot, we let go... so we don't get hurt more!!! Get it?

When you feel pain, it's a signal for change.

Ask yourself:
What is this pain trying to tell or teach me?
What can I do to make a change that will heal?
Do I need to change my thoughts?
Do I need to change my environment?
Do I need to change my actions?
Do I need to change my perceptions?

Growing pains happen. Use them to make you stronger, kinder, wiser, healthier.

Use everything to your advantage!
Love,
Aunt Laya

Thanks again to Morguefile.com and also fattymattybrewing for the great photo

Need Some Inspiration?

When you feel like things are hard, have a look at this young man and his dad for some inspiration.



Thanks for stopping by.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Mistakes!

"A life spent in making mistakes is not only more honorable
but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." ~ George Bernard Shaw

Don't be afraid of making mistakes. It's one of the ways we learn. Learn from your mistakes and then move forward.

Dream your dreams, do the thing that gives your life meaning. If you're doing something that doesn't make your heart sing--in the big picture, nothing is always perfectly wonderful, there are challenges in even the best of choices--you can always change direction, change your mind, regroup, and move ahead in the direction you want to be moving!

One of the beautiful gifts that life experience brings is that each mistake you make shapes you. You have more experience and you get to make more choices from a position of deeper understanding.

Be true to you. (and be honest with yourself!)

Remember:

"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." ~ Albert Einstein

Keep shining!
Love,
Aunt Laya

photo (c) 2008, Laya Saul
This photo may be used with permission with a credit and link to this blog :-)

You don't have to do anything you don't want to!

Recently someone asked for advice about a mistake that resulted in an embarrassing situation. She was pressured by some friends to do something she really didn't want to do.

Life is full of choices. When you make a poor choice about something, then you get another chance right away to make a choice about how you want to handle what happened. I always recommend learning from our mistakes (and the mistakes of others!). So, here's my answer:

First, you do not HAVE to do what other kids say. Got that? It doesn't matter if you were playing truth or dare; you don't have to do it. If an adult is asking you to do something and you're not clear about it, you can say you need to think about it and ask other trusted adults. It's true that I write for teens, but I know there are adults reading this too and the same goes for you! If someone tries to coax you or tries to pressure you into doing something you don't want to do, you get to say, "No." No, nope, not gonna, never, no way! What ever way works for you, don't cross a line that's not comfortable for you. Second, life has a way of "testing" us. You'll get to see if you learned this lesson on boundaries because you'll get tested again. It's just how life works. Practice. (Something like, "what part of 'no' don't you understand?" or "Is there a reason you’re not respecting my answer?") If someone doesn't take "no" for an answer, they are trying to manipulate you and you don't have to go there.

Second, when you do make a mistake, learn from it, but don't beat yourself up about it. That means, when the "test" comes around again, you can rise to it and respond in the way you really mean to. But do not waste your time feeling stupid. If a coach gives an athlete feedback on how to improve, the smart athelete takes the information, visualizes it over and over, and then does his best the next time. He keeps moving forward, not crying over the lost race or the bumbled what ever. Sure, it's natural to feel disappointment, but don't wallow in it. Move on and step up. Rise. One more time. Move yourself forward now because the lesson you learned means you have more life experience and you can make wiser choices. Even if you make the same mistake a hundred times, keep tweaking what you do until you get the results you want, whether it's in relationships, jobs or what ever. You learned to walk and tie your shoes; you can learn to say no when you need to.

Keep shining!

Love,
Aunt Laya

Photo by Mary R. Vogt from MorgueFile.com, thank you!