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Monday, February 09, 2009

How do you heal a broken heart?

When your heart is broken,
how can you heal?
How do you heal a broken heart?

Know that you can heal a broken heart. Others have healed a broken heart and you can too. It may not be easy, it may not be fast, but healing can happen. This you need to know.
Next, you have to be willing to heal. You don't have to know how, you just have to go inside to the deepest depths and say to yourself, "I am willing to heal." Through the pain and sadness, through the grief and shattered feelings, you simply have to acknowledge that you are willing to heal.
Understand that healing is a process. It does not happen all at once. There is no guarantee about how long this process will take, it's different for everyone. There are days that are harder and days that are easier. Sometimes you think you're doing fine and suddenly sad feelings sneak up on you again. That's part of the process. Hang in there! The good days will come again and they'll come more and more often.
Time does heal. It may not seem like it when you're in pain, but know that time really does bring healing. Again, there is no guarantee about how long the process will take, but time is one of the elements of healing a broken heart. It's kind of like healing in the body, a cut will also heal with time. You don't put a bandage on a cut and expect to wake up the next morning and the cut is gone. So be patient with yourself, your emotions, and your heart.
Be honest with yourself about why you were wounded, why your heart was broken. This is the mental part of the process. Be truthful about this part even though it may not be fun. You don't have to say this out loud to any one. Were you expecting something the other person wasn't able to give you? Lots of broken hearts are when people have expectations of a relationship that the other person can not or doesn't even want to fulfill. If you can really evaluate what went wrong, you can learn about yourself so you can set up a healthier relationship next time. Learn something about yourself from each experience.
Acknowledge the gifts you take from the relationship. I don't mean goodies, I mean the gifts of life experience. Did you see that you have the capacity to love? Did you learn something about boundaries? Did you learn about communication? Did you learn something about how to be with other people? There is something you have to be grateful about, name that.
Be tender with yourself. What does that mean? Be kind to you. Make sure that you think thoughts that are kind (saying you are a jerk or a loser is NOT being kind to you or anyone else and do not belong in your thoughts or vocabulary). Open your heart to yourself the same way you would open your heart to a friend in pain. I find that a lot of people have never learned how to be gentle with themselves. This is a skill worth developing! You'll be a nicer person to other people when you learn how to be good to yourself. This is about balancing your thoughts and emotions.
Do not rush into another relationship. When you go into a relationship from a place of wholeness you will be wiser in your choice of who to date. If you do not heal, you are likely to make the same mistake over and over again until you learn the lesson. Take the time for yourself so you can have and be the best for yourself. This is a great time to get into something so you can express yourself creatively. Maybe writing, music, art, knitting, sports, what ever feels creative and fulfilling to you.
You do not have to do this alone. You can talk with a friend or a counselor. Ask for help when you need help. No one is expected to do life alone. If you don't feel like you have someone to talk things through with, don't sit around feeling sorry for yourself, ask around. Take care of yourself enough to ask for help when you need help. There are some wonderful people with open hearts who would be honored to be your friend or counselor.
Time, tenderness, talking it through. Once your heart is broken, you will never be the same. That's okay! All of life builds us and shapes us. Take each experience to deepen the truth of who you are: You are a wonderful, loving person who lights up this world. Take a rest as you heal. Keep shining.

Aunt Laya

with gratitude to and bekahboo42 for the beautiful photo

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Wonderful advice! Wish I'd had these insights when I was younger!

And remember our sages teach that the only whole heart is a broken one.