Joy

 "And the way to sing the song of joy
is by seeking the good in all people,
especially in our selves.
Each good point is one more note in the song of life." 

~Rebbe Nachman of Breslov

Thank you to morguefile.com and Scott Liddell for the perfectly amazing photo

Transformng Jealously

From a reader:

“When you are jealous of someone else, you don't have what they have, but you also don't have what you have.”

I have thought about this quote for some weeks now. I struggle with jealousy and I was wondering if you could illuminate on this idea of not having what you have...
I wish it was something I could internalize better.
Thank you and love the blog and the book!
N 

~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear N, 
Thanks for writing, you're not the only one who struggles with this. Here are some more thoughts about jealousy and how to change your thoughts in a more useful and building direction. As always, take what ever parts of these thoughts that work for you and integrate at your own pace.  It doesn't have to happen all at once. That you have the will to grow means that you will grow in the ways you want to.

~~~~~~~~~~~

When someone occupies their thoughts with the desire to have what someone else has, they are so focused on their lack (perceived or even real)  that they can not see, feel, or think about all that they really do have.  


Let’s look at it with an example of a life situation that could come up:
A teenager is watching the way another kid dresses in the latest, trendy, very expensive clothing. She is jealous that she doesn’t have those same outfits. Her whole world is about lack. It’s a dismal point of view.


If she were to notice what she does have, two things can happen. One is a sense of contentment and even gratitude. It could be that she lives in a wonderful home, has loving friends and family, and even has clothing that she likes, etc. The second thing is that she might allow herself to tap into her dreams or yearnings and become inspired.


If you feel jealous there is a chance to transform that feeling--intentionally change the thoughts--to thoughts of inspiration.  When you feel the feelings of jealousy rising up inside you, turn those feelings to admiration and let yourself be inspired to rise, accomplish, or create in your own life. 


Worth exploring: No one knows what anyone else is going through. The one with the fancy house may be in debt like crazy and about to loose his home to foreclosure. The guy with the college degree may be lonely. “Beautiful people” may be suffering from silent depression or an illness that is hidden from your view. No one can know the whole story behind what “appears” so wonderful. 

Everyone has been lovingly created and gifted. 

(((and)))

Everyone has challenges. 

Jealousy itself is a form of despair. It’s a darkness that is not even based in reality because no one knows what is really going on within the object of their jealousy.


Transforming jealousy into inspiration
If you see someone with something that you want, imagine that yours is coming soon, that seeing the thing you desire in someone else is a sign that yours is near. In other words, you do not desire the exact thing you’re seeing--the one that he has in his hands now, you desire the version that is available to you. This can be material things, meaning “stuff,” or qualities.


Maybe people are jealous of something that is not possible for them to have for what ever reason. This world is designed so that each one of us has gifts that we are born with and a potential that we can fulfill. The gifts you receive are going to be different. Each gift is precious and no one can know the true spiritual value of the gifts we are blessed with.


The remedy for jealousy is gratitude 
If you focus on your blessings this is an invitation to increased blessings. You can heal the feelings of jealousy by saying “thank you.” Thank you for another day of life, thank you for opening the door for me, thank you for letting me merge into your lane of traffic, thank you for being such a jerk so that I can grow, be forgiving, or set better boundaries. Thank you for thinking of me. Thank you for taking the time.


Thank you to N for inspiring this post, I hope it's helpful for you.


I always love to hear from readers!
Love,
Aunt Laya

With gratitude to Morguefile.com and duilio for the photograph!

How to Have More Joy in Life

Keep an open mind as you read this first sentence:

Joy is a choice! (keep reading...)

You can go to a movie that's sad and even though you were not sad when the movie started, you can find yourself crying--and you know the characters are not even real! You can listen to a comedian and laugh even though you weren't thinking about anything funny before that. Just like when the weather can be cold and you can put on warm boots and a warm coat, and feel cozy, or you can turn the heat on in your house and make the whole place warm--you can change the weather of your emotions.

I know this sounds very simple and that's ok, like I've said before, simple does not mean easy. You can choose the way you want to spend your emotional time, the same way you get to choose how you want to spend the days of your life. You get to choose the people you spend time around. You get to choose how seriously you take the comments from people around you. You get to choose to stay in a room where people are fighting or if you want to walk out of that room, or even if you want to engage in the conversation at all--or not!

We all just seem to forget we have free choice. We forget, or no one ever pointed it out, we even have the power in our lives to change our minds or step into something new altogether.

Questions to ask yourself: What kind of life do I want to build? What small step can I take today to feel good about myself and my life? How can I give this day meaning? How can I serve others today? What did I do right today? What can I think about that will put me in a truly happy state?

You can do this. Step by step.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to Morguefile.com and Grafixar for the great photo Grafixar