The Secret to Staying Positive

Write your questions, then post them where you'll see them!

Your brain is a brilliant resource! The trick is to engage your brain in a way that will give you the results you want! Like if you want to be happy you have to give your brain the right direction.

When you ask yourself a question, your mind will search for an answer. It's human nature. So if you flub up and then say (Heaven forbid!!) to yourself, "Why am I such an !d!0t?" Your mind will rush to answer that question--confirming and strengthening an idea that's not so good. But wait! This principle works for the good too! Ask yourself, "What small thing can I do to move in the direction of my dreams?" and your mind will give you some answers. Good news, right? Now we just have to figure out the best questions to ask so that we get the answers that will build us in ways that are positive. Here are some ideas that come to mind, and as always, I'd love to hear your ideas (leave a comment and help others who read this post).

• What can I do that will support my health?
• Who do I love?/Who loves me? (Try this as you're going to sleep and think of the names of people who love you/who you love starting with A all the way to Z)
• What is my intuition telling me about ______?
• Who do I need to forgive? (Then, do the forgiving, or at least "pretend" to forgive to start your own inner healing.)
• What am I grateful for?

Here are the questions I have posted on my fridge:

• How can I transform & elevate the meaning that I am giving to this action?
• How can i do what I'm about to do in an elevated way?
• Who will this benefit? (these questions are from a podcast by R. Zelig Pliskin)
• What am I living for?
• How am I going to get there? (these questions are from R. Noach Weinberg)

For a long time I just had some questions on a sticky note, but in a moment of inspiration, I got out some craft supplies and had some fun making a bright, bold paper so I'll ask myself these questions more often and with strong intention.

So, what are the questions you ask yourself, or your kids, or your spouse, or employees, or...?

Love,
Aunt Laya

Transformng Jealously

From a reader:

“When you are jealous of someone else, you don't have what they have, but you also don't have what you have.”

I have thought about this quote for some weeks now. I struggle with jealousy and I was wondering if you could illuminate on this idea of not having what you have...
I wish it was something I could internalize better.
Thank you and love the blog and the book!
N 

~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear N, 
Thanks for writing, you're not the only one who struggles with this. Here are some more thoughts about jealousy and how to change your thoughts in a more useful and building direction. As always, take what ever parts of these thoughts that work for you and integrate at your own pace.  It doesn't have to happen all at once. That you have the will to grow means that you will grow in the ways you want to.

~~~~~~~~~~~

When someone occupies their thoughts with the desire to have what someone else has, they are so focused on their lack (perceived or even real)  that they can not see, feel, or think about all that they really do have.  


Let’s look at it with an example of a life situation that could come up:
A teenager is watching the way another kid dresses in the latest, trendy, very expensive clothing. She is jealous that she doesn’t have those same outfits. Her whole world is about lack. It’s a dismal point of view.


If she were to notice what she does have, two things can happen. One is a sense of contentment and even gratitude. It could be that she lives in a wonderful home, has loving friends and family, and even has clothing that she likes, etc. The second thing is that she might allow herself to tap into her dreams or yearnings and become inspired.


If you feel jealous there is a chance to transform that feeling--intentionally change the thoughts--to thoughts of inspiration.  When you feel the feelings of jealousy rising up inside you, turn those feelings to admiration and let yourself be inspired to rise, accomplish, or create in your own life. 


Worth exploring: No one knows what anyone else is going through. The one with the fancy house may be in debt like crazy and about to loose his home to foreclosure. The guy with the college degree may be lonely. “Beautiful people” may be suffering from silent depression or an illness that is hidden from your view. No one can know the whole story behind what “appears” so wonderful. 

Everyone has been lovingly created and gifted. 

(((and)))

Everyone has challenges. 

Jealousy itself is a form of despair. It’s a darkness that is not even based in reality because no one knows what is really going on within the object of their jealousy.


Transforming jealousy into inspiration
If you see someone with something that you want, imagine that yours is coming soon, that seeing the thing you desire in someone else is a sign that yours is near. In other words, you do not desire the exact thing you’re seeing--the one that he has in his hands now, you desire the version that is available to you. This can be material things, meaning “stuff,” or qualities.


Maybe people are jealous of something that is not possible for them to have for what ever reason. This world is designed so that each one of us has gifts that we are born with and a potential that we can fulfill. The gifts you receive are going to be different. Each gift is precious and no one can know the true spiritual value of the gifts we are blessed with.


The remedy for jealousy is gratitude 
If you focus on your blessings this is an invitation to increased blessings. You can heal the feelings of jealousy by saying “thank you.” Thank you for another day of life, thank you for opening the door for me, thank you for letting me merge into your lane of traffic, thank you for being such a jerk so that I can grow, be forgiving, or set better boundaries. Thank you for thinking of me. Thank you for taking the time.


Thank you to N for inspiring this post, I hope it's helpful for you.


I always love to hear from readers!
Love,
Aunt Laya

With gratitude to Morguefile.com and duilio for the photograph!

What gives your life meaning?

When you ask yourself the right questions, you'll get answers that will nourish you. (The opposite is true too: if you ask negative questions, your brain will rush to answer those too!)  So you are invited to take a quiet moment and ask yourself:

"So, what gives my life meaning?"

Think about the people you love, the things you enjoy, your gifts in life, what you have to give, and the things you do well. What makes you feel good about yourself?

Do you see how you touch people's lives in a loving and positive way? If this is a hard one for you, ask the people who love you what it is that you do well, or what are your best qualities.

A lot of people don't take the time to ask themselves this question, so this is a power tool for building a life that is satisfying and happier.

Remember, we're not supposed to get through life without pain. How can you give pain meaning? Ask yourself: "How can I use this pain (or challenge, or hard times, or illness, or hurt feelings) to grow?

Asking yourself these kinds of questions will help you move through the harder times in life.

Reminder of the day: You are loved and you are lovable. 

(((((Hugs))))) from me for sure!

Love,
Aunt Laya

Train Your Brain!

Train Your Brain!

How did you learn how to ride a bike? By riding a bike.

How did you learn how to read? By reading.

How can you make your focus in life more positive? By being more positive!

How can you can you be happier? By making the decision to do the things that will build happiness. (Live your dream, attitude of gratitude, do the things that give your life meaning and purpose!)

Train your brain (your thoughts!). Have a plan. Then, when you find you're living the way you want to be living, even in small ways, celebrate with gratitude. If you're not living the way you want to be living, look for the good and the good will increase. Don't take my word for it, experiment for yourself.

You see what you look for!

There is a Chassidic story that's told of a guy who goes to a Wise Man, a sage, for a blessing. He brings a note to the wise man explaining his terrible situation.

The Wise Man looks at the note and says, "How very blessed you are! How wonderful!"

The man looks at the Wise Man and is very puzzled. "But, that note has my troubles written there. Why would you congratulate me so?" he asked

The Wise Man responded: Let's have a look at your note together:
"Dear Wise One," the note began.
"Do you know that many people have no one to consult with regarding the important matters of their lives? That you have someone to come to is a blessing in itself!"

Continuing the Wise Man read, "My wife sent me to you today..."
"You are a married man! How wonderful! Do you know how many people there are single that have not found their mate?"

Continuing: "because my oldest daughter is going to get married..."
"You have a daughter! But more than one since this is about your oldest! How many couples are in the world that long for a child and you have children! And you daughter has found her soul mate! What a wonderful thing when there are so many lonely young people."

Continuing: "and we don't have at thing in the house."
The Wise Man said: "You have a house! How wonderful when there are so many that are homeless."

Be grateful... be very, very grateful.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to Morguefile.com and jkt_de for the great blue brain photo!

Overcoming Fear and Regret

If I could give my previous post about fear a soundtrack, this would be it.

Consider this post a kind of "love note" from me to you.
May you walk in strength and sweetness and joy.
Keep growing!
Love,
Aunt Laya

Is the world out to get you?

Is the world out to get you?

Well, yes, in a way. Only maybe instead of thinking the world is out to get you down, how about if you think that the world is out to help you get better?

Think about this possibility:

Maybe all of life is about helping you:

Get going

Get grateful

Get ready

Get rested

Get grown

Get to be your best

Get new ideas

???

Quote for the day: "I've always been the opposite of a paranoid. I operate as if everyone is part of a plot to enhance my well-being." -- Stan Dale

Get the idea? (smile)

Love,
Aunt Laya

The fruits of your growth

An apple tree blossoms in spring. It's a big investment. The tree must have enough rain, sun, and water. If the conditions are right, the blossoms will turn into sweet, crisp apples. But the process will take months. The tree must grow at its own pace; the fruits ripen in their own time. You just can’t push or pull those blossoms to grow faster.

It's like that for each one of us. You need to invest in yourself and trust that with your efforts, you will blossom. And the blossoms will turn into wonderful fruit! It doesn't happen all at once but it does happen. And if for some reason, a season doesn't turn out like you want, that's okay... Every year is another season of spring! Be patient (with yourself and others), the flowers will bear fruit.

Thought for the day: You are not a tree, you can get up and move if you’re in a place where conditions are not safe or healthy for you.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Not JUST a test

Most things that bug you are a test. Not JUST a test, but a test to help you grow. If life is a game, how do you get to the next level? Tag! You're it!

(see previous post)

love,
Aunt Laya

Say Cheese! ;-)

You can change the world with your smile!

You must know the story about the toll booth guy who was feeing so sad and invisible until one day he was greeted with a great smile. He felt so good that he passed it to the next driver, who passed it along, who passed it along…

There’s a children’s picture book called “I like your buttons” which has the same kind of message. A child tells her teacher that she likes the buttons on her blouse. The teacher passes the compliment on until it reaches the little girls father—who then brings the little girl a kitten because he’s feeling so happy.

Don’t underestimate the power of your smile.

Experiment for the day: Smile sincerely or give a sincere compliment to several people during your day. Try this with lots of people (like someone who helps you at the store, a waiter, someone at the bank, etc.), and also with people who you are close to (like your parents or kids, close friends, even neighbors). Let the kindness go like a helium balloon you’d release into the sky. How do YOU feel at the end of the day?

Love,
Aunt Laya

Start Over

"Start over" means that even if you made a mistake or made a choice that didn't have the outcome you wanted, you can start over. Right now. Just start over. And you can start over any moment that you need to. You still have to deal with the consequences of a not-so-great decision or action or whatever. So? So, that's okay, deal with it, move on, and take the next step. You’re a little bit wiser and you know what you want a little more clearly.

This is a photo of a blossoming walnut tree. It's starting over after a dormant winter of bare branches. It will take the whole summer for the walnuts to grow and ripen until they are ready to eat near the fall.

Blessing of the day: Start over where you need to and enjoy the miracles that surprise you along the way.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Er-a-Er-a-Errrr! Wake Up!

This is your very own personal wake up call. What are you avoiding? What are you procrastinating about? Get honest here.

• Do you need to make a phone call? (Call during lunch and it will be short.)

• Have you taken any action toward a dream? A baby step will do.

• Do you need a nap? Power naps are “in.” Or take a gentle nap.

• Have you said “I love you” to someone who needs to hear it?

• When was the last time you said “thank you” with eye contact?

• Where do you need to change your perspective?

• What are you looking for in life?

• Are you being true to you?

• Who are you spending your precious time with?

I don’t know who said this first, but I love the message:
“When you get a wake up call, answer the phone,
and when opportunity knocks, answer the door.”

You have an opportunity RIGHT NOW to take one small action that will make a difference. Just one small thing. Minor tweaking over time has a huge impact! Consider me your very own personal cheering section.

• Read one page of that important book
• Give one dollar to someone that feeds hungry people
• Do one load of laundry
• Contact one business lead
• Say one sincere prayer
• Brush away one tear
• Ease one heart—your heart counts!

You can do this!

Love,
Aunt Laya

What are you planting this spring?

I've been trying to plant flowers in my yard. Here's a little of what I'm learning:

• Sometimes a plant takes, sometimes it doesn't, keep planting anyway. {Sometimes you fall on your face. That's OK, everyone does, get up again!}

• Make sure you know the right season for planting what you want. If you miss a season, it will come around again. {Everything has its season including relationships, personal growth, work, and learning.}
  
• Make sure you give the plant the right amount of shade and sun--where you plant something matters. {Put yourself in the right environment! Be around good and healthy people, read and watch and listen to things that will nourish you.}
  
• Sometimes the dog will dig up what you plant. That's OK, be patient, the dog will out grow it or you can plant somewhere else. {Things don't always work out the way we plan them. That's OK, try again, wait until you mature, or try a different way.}
  

Quote for the day: "I will waste not even a precious second today in anger or hate or jealousy or selfishness. I know that the seeds I sow I will harvest, because every action, good or bad, is always followed by an equal reaction. I will plant only good seeds this day."
--Og Mandino1923-1996, Author and Speaker

What are seeds of good? Kindness, gratitude, charity, joy, rest...

Your Five Closest Friends

In classes about success and business I’ve heard it taught that your income will be an average of your five closest friends. I guess it’s meant to teach that if you want to be rich, you should hang out with rich people. There’s truth in that. Networking is a powerful thing. There’s another saying from old time actress Mae West, “I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor. Believe me, rich is better.” I have to say, if I have a choice, I’d rather have money than not. You can do more with money than without. So what I’m about to say isn’t against having money. It’s about choosing what’s most important to you in life.

What if…?
What if it’s true that you are a reflection of your five closest friends? What do your friends reflect about you? In my life, I choose my friends for their integrity, their desire to be kind and do good in the world, the way they accept people for who they are, and their thirst for learning. Each of these characteristics fits one or more of my closest friends. Many wise people have taught that to live a truly fulfilling life, how you relate to others is what really matters. (Like no one on their death bed ever wished for a bigger car!) What you give away (a smile, a charitable donation, a kind word, a helpful act) is the truest reflection of the truest and most lasting wealth.

Blessing for the day: May see what has the highest value in your life and treasure it, create more of it, and then bless others with it.

love,
Aunt Laya