Advice for a Tree

This question came in as a comment for an earlier post:

Dear Aunt Laya,
I need some advice, because I can't seem to find anyone who can tell me how to solve my problem. I can't get myself to go to class everyday! I skip and come up with all sorts of excuses, though the real reason is that I feel like a loser in class. My class consists of students with sky-high GPAs, and I am the only odd one there. Although I work harder than them in terms of written work, I cannot think like them and generate questions like how they do. In my school, we are graded on our participation and knowledge and not how much work we produce. I always get out-beaten and never feels good. My grades are failing, I only have one year before I graduate and I can't help feeling hopeless and useless all the time. I never hated school this much. I would really appreciate some advice.

Dying Tree.

********

Dear Tree,
Sometimes trees appear to be dying but they are not. It is fall and time for the leaves to die and fall off, but the tree isn't really dying, its just in a cycle of renewal. The tree stands strong and beautiful in the winter as the next phase is preparing itself. There is a beauty in this cycle of life too but you have to look for it to see it. Then in the spring new buds will form and suddenly seem to burst forth in an explosion of growth.

DO NOT DESPAIR! I learned that despair is when someone is full of self pity and then there is no room for joy to come in. Now may be a good time for you to redefine what success is to you. It's not the same for everyone, you know? If you have only one year left to graduate, keep showing up and get through this. It doesn't have to be on the same terms as everyone else. Just because the instructor is not judging you in a framework that is fair to you, you don't have to measure your success in the same way. Don't let discouragement get the better of you. Hang in there, "this too shall pass".

Have you defined your dreams? Do you know what is important to you? School is a tool and a stepping stone. Finish what you started and then use the open doors to head toward your heart's desire. That means you are true to you (not some teacher's version of what you "should" be, what your Creator intended for you to be in all your shining true self).

You really can do this!

Love and (((hugs))),
Aunt Laya

Thank you to Robb and Morguefile.com for the beautiful photo!

Are you taking care of you?

A reader sent me a link to a story that is tragic and sad about a family that faked out a young teen girl and in the process made her feel so sad that she killed herself. Now it seems from what I read, that this girl was already having some problems. She was vulnerable.

There are a lot of people on the Internet and they are the same kinds of people in all of life. Some people are real and wonderful and want to make friends. Some people are predators who are looking to take advantage of others. Only in a way it’s a little easier to say and do things on the Internet since people think they are hidden behind their computer. It seems so easy in fact, that even people who are usually good people can say things in anger because they are not looking the other person in the eyes to see the hurt they might inflict.

All through time, bad guys have preyed on anyone who is vulnerable. Lonely or sad are feelings that make someone vulnerable. There are lots of reasons why someone might feel that way. It doesn’t matter if you are old or young, rich or poor, skinny or fat, everyone feels vulnerable some time.

The question is: What do you do, or how do you take care of yourself, when you are feeling vulnerable?

When a crab grows—you know, the little sea creature—it has to shed its shell in order to grow a new, bigger shell to fit its new size. So what does it do? It goes and hides in the rocks where it will be protected.

When you are vulnerable, feeling tender, it means that you are growing! Take care of yourself when you are feeling vulnerable or tender by staying where you feel safe. Risks are better taken from a place of strength. And you will feel strong again because feelings go in cycles for everyone.

If you feel lonely or sad, you don’t have to go it alone. If someone does or says mean things to you, you can ask for help. Don’t give up if you don’t find the help you need the first time you ask. You might need to ask five times. Maybe more. That’s okay. Ask for help as many times as you need to until you get the support that you need to get you through the hard times.

Attitude for the day:

Don’t do to others what you wouldn’t want done to you.
or
Don’t say things to others that you wouldn’t want someone to say to you.

Even if someone is being a jerk, don’t return the favor. Rise. Like the light of a flame, rise. You can do this.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to Clarita who photographed the image above and posted it on Morguefile.com!

How to de-stress!

Here are some things you can do RIGHT NOW to reduce stress and get yourself in balance:

~When you're feeling stressed, take nice, slow deep breaths. You can put your hand on your belly and feel it expand before your chest gets full of air. That will be a nice deep breath (watch a baby sleeping and you'll see their bellies go up and down with their breath, it's natural).

~Take a break from the thing that's stressing you out. Read a good book. Get some art supplies and express yourself. Or enjoy what ever makes you feel safe and comfortable: Some people like a bath with candles, others like to get active, take a run or play a sport. Imagine you are resting some place beautiful (like the photo above in Okinawa). Even just imagining changes your body chemistry!

~Keep a journal. Write what ever comes to your mind, just let it go. No one else has to read this, you won't be graded, and you can tear it up afterwards if you want to. Just write and keep writing. You'll surprise yourself with what will come out if you keep the pen moving (even if you write nonsense for part of it, that's okay).

~Make sure you're giving yourself good nourishment. Drink plenty of water and take a good vitamin B complex which will be good for your nerves. Drink plenty of fresh water too.

~If you want, you can go to a health food store and try out a product called "Rescue Remedy". It's a simple combination of flower essences that you can take either on your tongue or in water. I have friends who are afraid to fly when they travel and it really helps.

~Can you find someone to talk with? Do you have someone in your life that you trust? Sometimes talking things out gives you a new perspective. You do not have to go it alone. Ask for help if you need it. It's okay to ask for help!

~Ask for hugs too. You're never too old to need or want a hug.

Quote for the day: "Growing is not a comfortable thing. That's why we hear about 'growing pains.' Getting familiar with the discomfort of growth can help you move through it more smoothly. All this does not mean that you sit passively as hard times hit. you need to participate: make the choices that are right for you, shift the way you look at things, and move on when when it's time."

--from You Don't Have to Learn Everything the Hard Way by Laya Saul

Here's a cyber (((((hug))))) for you for any time you need it.

Remember: You'll get through what ever is going on that makes you feel stressed, you really will. Hang in there! Many blessings.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to chamomile at www.MorgueFile.com for the great photo!