Fat-talk Free Week

Why not make it a "fat-talk" free life? I think this is a great idea.


Love,
Aunt Laya

At what price beauty?

I've been talking about this for YEARS! Having worked as a make-up artist and hair stylist, I can tell you that presentation is everything. Here is a one minute demonstration of how the beauty industry and media have shaped (or warped) our perceptions about what is beauty. We've even done it to our food, preferring to buy a 'perfect' fruit or veggie instead of the small, yummy, often misshapen way they grow naturally.



Of course we want to take care of ourselves and look our best. So what will make you look your best and be the most attractive you can be?

• Attitude! Confidence is one of the most attractive factors you can have.

• A sincere and kind smile is brilliant and very magnetic.

• Good health equals vitality which is a beautiful thing.

• Living your heart's desires, moving in the direction of your dreams gives meaning and joy to life and a sparkle in your eyes. Very attractive.
  

There are people in the world who will be judgmental no matter what you do. So the choice is yours to make. You get to choose where you want to put the power and you get to choose what you want to make important.

Bottom line: Everyone is created with a different flavor, beauty, and shine. If you don't see it within yourself or another, keep looking. (You'll see what you look for!)

Shine!
Love,
Aunt Laya

How do you heal a broken heart?

When your heart is broken,

how can you heal?
How do you heal a broken heart?

I

Know that you can heal a broken heart. Others have healed a broken heart and you can too. It may not be easy, it may not be fast, but healing can happen. This you need to know.

II

Next, you have to be willing to heal. You don't have to know how, you just have to go inside to the deepest depths and say to yourself, "I am willing to heal." Through the pain and sadness, through the grief and shattered feelings, you simply have to acknowledge that you are willing to heal.

III

Understand that healing is a process. It does not happen all at once. There is no guarantee about how long this process will take, it's different for everyone. There are days that are harder and days that are easier. Sometimes you think you're doing fine and suddenly sad feelings sneak up on you again. That's part of the process. Hang in there! The good days will come again and they'll come more and more often.

IV

Time does heal. It may not seem like it when you're in pain, but know that time really does bring healing. Again, there is no guarantee about how long the process will take, but time is one of the elements of healing a broken heart. It's kind of like healing in the body, a cut will also heal with time. You don't put a bandage on a cut and expect to wake up the next morning and the cut is gone. So be patient with yourself, your emotions, and your heart.

V

Be honest with yourself about why you were wounded, why your heart was broken. This is the mental part of the process. Be truthful about this part even though it may not be fun. You don't have to say this out loud to any one. Were you expecting something the other person wasn't able to give you? Lots of broken hearts are when people have expectations of a relationship that the other person can not or doesn't even want to fulfill. If you can really evaluate what went wrong, you can learn about yourself so you can set up a healthier relationship next time. Learn something about yourself from each experience.

VI

Acknowledge the gifts you take from the relationship. I don't mean goodies, I mean the gifts of life experience. Did you see that you have the capacity to love? Did you learn something about boundaries? Did you learn about communication? Did you learn something about how to be with other people? There is something you have to be grateful about, name that.

VII

Be tender with yourself. What does that mean? Be kind to you. Make sure that you think thoughts that are kind (saying you are a jerk or a loser is NOT being kind to you or anyone else and do not belong in your thoughts or vocabulary). Open your heart to yourself the same way you would open your heart to a friend in pain. I find that a lot of people have never learned how to be gentle with themselves. This is a skill worth developing! You'll be a nicer person to other people when you learn how to be good to yourself. This is about balancing your thoughts and emotions.

VIII

Do not rush into another relationship. When you go into a relationship from a place of wholeness you will be wiser in your choice of who to date. If you do not heal, you are likely to make the same mistake over and over again until you learn the lesson. Take the time for yourself so you can have and be the best for yourself. This is a great time to get into something so you can express yourself creatively. Maybe writing, music, art, knitting, sports, what ever feels creative and fulfilling to you.

IX

You do not have to do this alone. You can talk with a friend or a counselor. Ask for help when you need help. No one is expected to do life alone. If you don't feel like you have someone to talk things through with, don't sit around feeling sorry for yourself, ask around. Take care of yourself enough to ask for help when you need help. There are some wonderful people with open hearts who would be honored to be your friend or counselor.

X

Time, tenderness, talking it through. Once your heart is broken, you will never be the same. That's okay! All of life builds us and shapes us. Take each experience to deepen the truth of who you are: You are a wonderful, loving person who lights up this world. Take a rest as you heal. Keep shining.

Love,
Aunt Laya

with gratitude to Morguefile.com and bekahboo42 for the beautiful photo

Good looking? Attractive? Ugly? Alone?

A long time ago I was a make-up artist in Hollywood. I worked with movie stars and models. I saw them first thing in the morning, no make up, hair a rumpled mess. Here's what I learned:

Not many of them are really such "natural beauties". A lot of what you see as "beautiful" is in the presentation. Kind of like if you put a plain hamburger on a big old plate it's sort of sad looking but if you put it on a bit of lettuce, garnish with pickles, and put some fries next to it, it looks more appetizing. Or like if you just stick a bunch of flowers in a plastic cup, they are kind of blah. But if you take the same flowers and put them in a nice vase and arrange them so there's balance, the same flowers look nicer.

With a person, a good hair cut and hair style go a long way. Clothes that fit make a huge difference. Make-up doesn't have to be heavy to accent a nice feature. Less is most often best. If you're not sure where to get help with your hair, ask someone who's haircut you like where they get it cut. (Get referrals!!) Hygiene is important: teeth brushed, hair clean, nails clean and clean clothes too.

Attitude makes the biggest difference of all. Confidence makes people more attractive. Sometimes actors "act" confident even when they aren't really all that secure. I found the less talented actors tended to have the biggest egos. The very talented actors and singers were secure and confident and (usually) behaved very professionally. A sense of humor goes a long way in creating attractiveness.

A smiling face is much more handsome than a sour face.

I found and still find that as I get to know people, the nicer they are, the more their beauty grows in my eyes. The more obnoxious they are, the less attractive they seem. One of the reasons we think so many performers are beautiful is because we have come to know them through their work and that makes them seem like more. What that means is that kindness is actually a characteristic of beauty. (Which, I'll keep reminding you does not mean you don't have boundaries. Kindness becomes self destructive if you don't have boundaries.)

Do not buy into the myth that beauty is "perfection."
Perfect beauty can only be seen using the eyes of the heart and soul.

If you are alive, you are full of majesty and beauty. Everyone who is looking for true love is looking for something different and true love is not based on bra size or hair color, it's not based on how much skin is revealed. It is not based on expensive jeans or designer sunglasses and a man does not need a six pack to find lasting love.

When you look at yourself in the mirror and you want to see something attractive looking back, consider what exactly do you want to attract?

I'm here to tell you right now that there is someone who can and will love you for who you are if you let your truest self shine through. Think of your body as an accessory. Take care of it. Present yourself well (this is not about the more skin the better). And most of all, let your heart and imagination, your brains, your humor, and your goodness shine.

Keep shining!
Love,
Aunt Laya

With gratitude to Clarita and Morguefile.com

Are you taking care of you?

A reader sent me a link to a story that is tragic and sad about a family that faked out a young teen girl and in the process made her feel so sad that she killed herself. Now it seems from what I read, that this girl was already having some problems. She was vulnerable.

There are a lot of people on the Internet and they are the same kinds of people in all of life. Some people are real and wonderful and want to make friends. Some people are predators who are looking to take advantage of others. Only in a way it’s a little easier to say and do things on the Internet since people think they are hidden behind their computer. It seems so easy in fact, that even people who are usually good people can say things in anger because they are not looking the other person in the eyes to see the hurt they might inflict.

All through time, bad guys have preyed on anyone who is vulnerable. Lonely or sad are feelings that make someone vulnerable. There are lots of reasons why someone might feel that way. It doesn’t matter if you are old or young, rich or poor, skinny or fat, everyone feels vulnerable some time.

The question is: What do you do, or how do you take care of yourself, when you are feeling vulnerable?

When a crab grows—you know, the little sea creature—it has to shed its shell in order to grow a new, bigger shell to fit its new size. So what does it do? It goes and hides in the rocks where it will be protected.

When you are vulnerable, feeling tender, it means that you are growing! Take care of yourself when you are feeling vulnerable or tender by staying where you feel safe. Risks are better taken from a place of strength. And you will feel strong again because feelings go in cycles for everyone.

If you feel lonely or sad, you don’t have to go it alone. If someone does or says mean things to you, you can ask for help. Don’t give up if you don’t find the help you need the first time you ask. You might need to ask five times. Maybe more. That’s okay. Ask for help as many times as you need to until you get the support that you need to get you through the hard times.

Attitude for the day:

Don’t do to others what you wouldn’t want done to you.
or
Don’t say things to others that you wouldn’t want someone to say to you.

Even if someone is being a jerk, don’t return the favor. Rise. Like the light of a flame, rise. You can do this.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to Clarita who photographed the image above and posted it on Morguefile.com!

Believe in yourself!

"You are a good person, that is the truth about you. It's good to remember that good people make mistakes. When you find you have made a mistake, do what you can to correct, repair, or heal and go on from there. You are not your mistakes. you are something wonderful, a masterpiece of the Creator." --Laya Saul

(From "You Don't Have to Learn Everything the Hard Way--What I Wish Someone Had Told Me")

Love,
Aunt Laya