Transformng Jealously

From a reader:

“When you are jealous of someone else, you don't have what they have, but you also don't have what you have.”

I have thought about this quote for some weeks now. I struggle with jealousy and I was wondering if you could illuminate on this idea of not having what you have...
I wish it was something I could internalize better.
Thank you and love the blog and the book!
N 

~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear N, 
Thanks for writing, you're not the only one who struggles with this. Here are some more thoughts about jealousy and how to change your thoughts in a more useful and building direction. As always, take what ever parts of these thoughts that work for you and integrate at your own pace.  It doesn't have to happen all at once. That you have the will to grow means that you will grow in the ways you want to.

~~~~~~~~~~~

When someone occupies their thoughts with the desire to have what someone else has, they are so focused on their lack (perceived or even real)  that they can not see, feel, or think about all that they really do have.  


Let’s look at it with an example of a life situation that could come up:
A teenager is watching the way another kid dresses in the latest, trendy, very expensive clothing. She is jealous that she doesn’t have those same outfits. Her whole world is about lack. It’s a dismal point of view.


If she were to notice what she does have, two things can happen. One is a sense of contentment and even gratitude. It could be that she lives in a wonderful home, has loving friends and family, and even has clothing that she likes, etc. The second thing is that she might allow herself to tap into her dreams or yearnings and become inspired.


If you feel jealous there is a chance to transform that feeling--intentionally change the thoughts--to thoughts of inspiration.  When you feel the feelings of jealousy rising up inside you, turn those feelings to admiration and let yourself be inspired to rise, accomplish, or create in your own life. 


Worth exploring: No one knows what anyone else is going through. The one with the fancy house may be in debt like crazy and about to loose his home to foreclosure. The guy with the college degree may be lonely. “Beautiful people” may be suffering from silent depression or an illness that is hidden from your view. No one can know the whole story behind what “appears” so wonderful. 

Everyone has been lovingly created and gifted. 

(((and)))

Everyone has challenges. 

Jealousy itself is a form of despair. It’s a darkness that is not even based in reality because no one knows what is really going on within the object of their jealousy.


Transforming jealousy into inspiration
If you see someone with something that you want, imagine that yours is coming soon, that seeing the thing you desire in someone else is a sign that yours is near. In other words, you do not desire the exact thing you’re seeing--the one that he has in his hands now, you desire the version that is available to you. This can be material things, meaning “stuff,” or qualities.


Maybe people are jealous of something that is not possible for them to have for what ever reason. This world is designed so that each one of us has gifts that we are born with and a potential that we can fulfill. The gifts you receive are going to be different. Each gift is precious and no one can know the true spiritual value of the gifts we are blessed with.


The remedy for jealousy is gratitude 
If you focus on your blessings this is an invitation to increased blessings. You can heal the feelings of jealousy by saying “thank you.” Thank you for another day of life, thank you for opening the door for me, thank you for letting me merge into your lane of traffic, thank you for being such a jerk so that I can grow, be forgiving, or set better boundaries. Thank you for thinking of me. Thank you for taking the time.


Thank you to N for inspiring this post, I hope it's helpful for you.


I always love to hear from readers!
Love,
Aunt Laya

With gratitude to Morguefile.com and duilio for the photograph!

No Bull

*no bull*

Don't you just hate it when you're talking to someone, and they give you a line, and you know that what they just said was bull? Lot's of the time we know when someone is full of it.

Now we have some possible problems here:

1) You trick yourself into thinking or believing what you want to believe instead of the truth, and fall for the line

or

2) You are the one giving the line and for some reason you don't think other people have a "bull" meter for when you're not being honest

and

You actually think you've "pulled one over" on someone

the reality is

No matter how you play this one, you really tricked yourself! Yikes! That means you need to take responsibility for tapping into your own guts. It means that you have the power to discern whether what's happening or being said is true and good for you and other people or not.

Stop letting other people "pull the wool over your eyes" (that means stop letting people trick you with lies!). Stop doing it to yourself. 

Get real. This is a gift you can give yourself and the sooner you're honest with yourself, the sooner you'll live a life that is free from bull.

You can apply this to many different aspects of your life: relationships, buying and selling, business deals, or education to name some.

Honestly yours,

Aunt Laya

**No offense to the actual, furry animal. They're nice, helpful, vegetarians who don't hurt anyone. Nice bull. Mmmmmmmmmoooooooooooooo.

What gives your life meaning?

When you ask yourself the right questions, you'll get answers that will nourish you. (The opposite is true too: if you ask negative questions, your brain will rush to answer those too!)  So you are invited to take a quiet moment and ask yourself:

"So, what gives my life meaning?"

Think about the people you love, the things you enjoy, your gifts in life, what you have to give, and the things you do well. What makes you feel good about yourself?

Do you see how you touch people's lives in a loving and positive way? If this is a hard one for you, ask the people who love you what it is that you do well, or what are your best qualities.

A lot of people don't take the time to ask themselves this question, so this is a power tool for building a life that is satisfying and happier.

Remember, we're not supposed to get through life without pain. How can you give pain meaning? Ask yourself: "How can I use this pain (or challenge, or hard times, or illness, or hurt feelings) to grow?

Asking yourself these kinds of questions will help you move through the harder times in life.

Reminder of the day: You are loved and you are lovable. 

(((((Hugs))))) from me for sure!

Love,
Aunt Laya

How to Have More Joy in Life

Keep an open mind as you read this first sentence:

Joy is a choice! (keep reading...)

You can go to a movie that's sad and even though you were not sad when the movie started, you can find yourself crying--and you know the characters are not even real! You can listen to a comedian and laugh even though you weren't thinking about anything funny before that. Just like when the weather can be cold and you can put on warm boots and a warm coat, and feel cozy, or you can turn the heat on in your house and make the whole place warm--you can change the weather of your emotions.

I know this sounds very simple and that's ok, like I've said before, simple does not mean easy. You can choose the way you want to spend your emotional time, the same way you get to choose how you want to spend the days of your life. You get to choose the people you spend time around. You get to choose how seriously you take the comments from people around you. You get to choose to stay in a room where people are fighting or if you want to walk out of that room, or even if you want to engage in the conversation at all--or not!

We all just seem to forget we have free choice. We forget, or no one ever pointed it out, we even have the power in our lives to change our minds or step into something new altogether.

Questions to ask yourself: What kind of life do I want to build? What small step can I take today to feel good about myself and my life? How can I give this day meaning? How can I serve others today? What did I do right today? What can I think about that will put me in a truly happy state?

You can do this. Step by step.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to Morguefile.com and Grafixar for the great photo Grafixar

When I changed the template of this blog for a new look, somehow the link to my book was lost. :-( 

So, until I figure out how to get a bit more high tech, here's a link as a post. :-)

Love,
Aunt Laya

This is a series of five videos that I found to be so touching and inspiring. Grab your tissues. The videos speak for themselves.

I

II

III

IV

V


Love,
Aunt Laya

Fat-talk Free Week

Why not make it a "fat-talk" free life? I think this is a great idea.


Love,
Aunt Laya

At what price beauty?

I've been talking about this for YEARS! Having worked as a make-up artist and hair stylist, I can tell you that presentation is everything. Here is a one minute demonstration of how the beauty industry and media have shaped (or warped) our perceptions about what is beauty. We've even done it to our food, preferring to buy a 'perfect' fruit or veggie instead of the small, yummy, often misshapen way they grow naturally.



Of course we want to take care of ourselves and look our best. So what will make you look your best and be the most attractive you can be?

• Attitude! Confidence is one of the most attractive factors you can have.

• A sincere and kind smile is brilliant and very magnetic.

• Good health equals vitality which is a beautiful thing.

• Living your heart's desires, moving in the direction of your dreams gives meaning and joy to life and a sparkle in your eyes. Very attractive.
  

There are people in the world who will be judgmental no matter what you do. So the choice is yours to make. You get to choose where you want to put the power and you get to choose what you want to make important.

Bottom line: Everyone is created with a different flavor, beauty, and shine. If you don't see it within yourself or another, keep looking. (You'll see what you look for!)

Shine!
Love,
Aunt Laya

Train Your Brain!

Train Your Brain!

How did you learn how to ride a bike? By riding a bike.

How did you learn how to read? By reading.

How can you make your focus in life more positive? By being more positive!

How can you can you be happier? By making the decision to do the things that will build happiness. (Live your dream, attitude of gratitude, do the things that give your life meaning and purpose!)

Train your brain (your thoughts!). Have a plan. Then, when you find you're living the way you want to be living, even in small ways, celebrate with gratitude. If you're not living the way you want to be living, look for the good and the good will increase. Don't take my word for it, experiment for yourself.

You see what you look for!

There is a Chassidic story that's told of a guy who goes to a Wise Man, a sage, for a blessing. He brings a note to the wise man explaining his terrible situation.

The Wise Man looks at the note and says, "How very blessed you are! How wonderful!"

The man looks at the Wise Man and is very puzzled. "But, that note has my troubles written there. Why would you congratulate me so?" he asked

The Wise Man responded: Let's have a look at your note together:
"Dear Wise One," the note began.
"Do you know that many people have no one to consult with regarding the important matters of their lives? That you have someone to come to is a blessing in itself!"

Continuing the Wise Man read, "My wife sent me to you today..."
"You are a married man! How wonderful! Do you know how many people there are single that have not found their mate?"

Continuing: "because my oldest daughter is going to get married..."
"You have a daughter! But more than one since this is about your oldest! How many couples are in the world that long for a child and you have children! And you daughter has found her soul mate! What a wonderful thing when there are so many lonely young people."

Continuing: "and we don't have at thing in the house."
The Wise Man said: "You have a house! How wonderful when there are so many that are homeless."

Be grateful... be very, very grateful.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to Morguefile.com and jkt_de for the great blue brain photo!

(Re) Inventing yourself

Who are you really?

Mostly, the way I get to see a movie is if one of my kids brings one home from the library or if someone brings a disc over for me to see. It was a big week for movies at my house and I just saw Don Juan DiMarco and Houseitter. Both of them had a theme with a character who creatively takes on a personality to create a new reality for themselves. What's interesting about both movies is that the "stable character" learns from the other to free themselves into a more joyful life.

We all know a bit about this. Dress up formally and you feel one way, wear your jammies and feel another way. So if this is true, then what if you can invent yourself to become the person you strive to be--on purpose? What if you can take off the mask of what others expect you to be and step into who you want to be in your heart of hearts?

Experiment of the day: What if you were a kid and could dress up as anything you wanted? Think about the character you might dress as. As you imagine, ask yourself: "What traits about that character do I desire?" For example: Super hero (saves the day, helps people) or Princess (walks with dignity and beauty). Now, if you dare, do something you might not ordinarily do with that character in mind. Don't worry, I'm not telling you to dress up or act weird. This is something you can do that no one has to know about or even notice. Just pick some small thing you can do that will make you feel more like that hero or princess or whatever. Act with the integrity of what you admire.

This exercise is like peeling layers off an essential part of you that might have been stifled. It's a chance to release an aspect of yourself that wants more meaning. You can let yourself enjoy and take delight with this experiment!

I know a guy who leaves coins in the return slots of candy machines for kids to find. I know someone else who started an organization to feed hungry families. I know a kid who volunteers at the dentist's office because she loves that stuff. I wish I was like a fairy godmother and since the magic wand I have doesn't really do anything, I write this blog to see if I can bless people a little bit. What do you dream? What small act can you do to step into your dreams?

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to Morguefile.com and Anita Patterson for the great photo!

Jealousy

When you are jealous of someone else, you don't have what they have, but you also don't have what you have.

Disappointed?

This quote seen at the bottom of an email...

"Disappointments are inevitable

However misery is an option"

Choose well!

Love,
Aunt Laya

I'm SO angry!!!

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
-- Buddha

First thing is to understand that anger is ALWAYS about ego. That's hard to take in if you're in the heat of anger. If you can, try this on for size: what ever it is that is making you mad isn't really the issue, it's the way you react to any given situation that matters. You can argue this one, but I'm not sure anger will ever really help resolve any situation.

I used to study martial arts. I learned that if you're sparring and you get mad at your opponent, you can no longer spar with a clear mind. So one of my teachers taught me to think of sparring as a game of tag. If your opponent hits you, he taught you where you are open so you can become a better martial artist.

People who fly into a rage
always make a bad landing.
-- Will Rogers

In life, when something makes you angry, you have a chance to learn about yourself and grow.

OK, all that said, it's important to understand that feelings are feelings. If you get angry, it's a wake-up call, but don't just stuff the feelings and pretend they aren't there. You have a situation to deal with, not to ignore. The anger is a red flag that says "pay attention." That might mean creating better boundaries, it might mean getting out of a situation that's not healthy, it might mean a heart-to-heart talk with someone you care deeply about. It could mean any number of things. AND, if you act out in anger, you are very likely to regret it so it's important to stop and think before you act.

Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help, and what he cannot help.
-- Thomas Fuller

Think about this:

• Underneath anger is hurt. If you weren't hurting, you wouldn't be angry.

• Underneath hurt is caring. If you didn't care, you wouldn't feel hurt about it.

• Underneath it all is the loving essence of who you are at your core, your spirit.

If you can tap into the deeper layers, you can get past the destruction of the anger faster.

For more ideas about how to take control of your life in a positive way you can read these earlier posts from this blog.

Blessing of the day: May you find the best thoughts and remedies to bring you the sweetest peace of mind.

Love,
Aunt Laya

What do you want?

What do you want? What is really important to you? What do you want more than anything else in the world? What is it? You have to name it to claim it!!! Do you want to quit smoking? Do you want to get a degree or certificate? Do you want to be fit? Do you have financial goals?

SET YOUR GOAL

When you have a burning desire and you are courageous enough to admit that to yourself, if you are courageous enough to admit it to yourself, then you just need to take the steps and you can achieve it. Let's get real. It must be something realistic. Don't anyone email me that you want to win the lottery or set up a farm on the moon.

Something I learned that was very empowering: You can have anything you want. You can't have everything, but you can have anything. So, what is most important to you?

CRITERIA

Once you know what your goal is, you can figure out--for yourself--how will you know when you reached your goal? Like if you want to be a non-smoker, how long will it be without a cigarette until you'll feel like you can call yourself a non-smoker? If you want to find a life mate, it's bit trickier because someone else is invovled in that, so create a criteria of "preparing" to meet a life mate. Then your goal will be about what you can do for yourself. Ask yourself: How will I know I have successfully accomplished this goal?

LIST THE BABY STEPS

What are the small steps you might need to take to accomplish this thing that is so important to you? For the person who wants to quit smoking it might be to call a doctor for an appointment to get a patch. It might be to make an appointment for a session of EFT (emotional freedom technique). Another might be to set up an emotional support system. If the goal is to get a degree, the baby steps might include calling the school to set up an appointment to register, arragnging a work schedule, getting a scholarship, buying school supplies, etc.

CELEBATE!

Be sure to set up a reward system all along the way. Enjoy the jourey by allowing celebration of the milestones along the way. Maybe you can think of some wonderful way you can celebrate the small successes and the end goal as well.

Remember that getting to your goal is a process, it doesn't happen all at once. It's not supposed to happen all at once. And guess what? It doesn't always have to feel easy. Break things down to smaller steps. Remember the old saying: by the yard it's hard, by the inch it's a cinch.

Another thing is to have a good support system. Only talk about your goal with a one or two or three people who you are close with and who will support you. Don't blab to people who will put you down or tell you why you can't have the things you want in life. Reserve your energy for taking the steps that are important to you!

You CAN do this. You really can!
Feel free to leave comments about the things you do to reach your goals successfully.
Or email me about your successes.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Now what do I do?

You do not have to reinvent the wheel. There are people who can help you grow in the directions you want to grow. There are life coaches, basketball coaches, editors, business mentors, advisers, and what ever else you can think of. This is not just about career advancement.

You have something you bring to this life and it is something unique that only you can bring. It may not make a big splash, but it will--for sure!--send ripples out that change the world in real ways.

If you need support to sing the song you are here to sing, ask! And don't wait to sing your song, be it parenthood, gardening, nursing, performing, cleaning, teaching, friendship, building, doctoring, learning, even blogging! My life has been touched by children, bus drivers, taxi drivers, airport security, the smile of someone on the street, the receptionist at the dentist's office, and so many more.

Give a hand. Take a hand.

Love,
Aunt Laya

When will this end?

Sometimes people want to know when the challenges will end. The answer, not always so great to hear, is that they don't. Oh, you'll get a break from this challenge (and you may even be able to make some changes that bring that break sooner if you make the right choices). And, you should know, life is all about the challenges. In fact, your challenges are uniquely designed just for you--to shape you and grow you! This is better than a GPS that tells you how to get from one place to another, only life is more mysterious about it. You are given challenges so you can grow.

Now you have a choice to make. You can sit and whine about your challenges. You can cry the blues if you want to. Or, you can look for what your life's purpose is and live it to the fullest even in spite of your challenges. You can face your challenges and rise. You can face your challenges and get stronger by solving the puzzle of what to do about things. You get to create the life you want to live.

You get to choose. That is your power, the power of choice. Choose your attitude. Choose your next steps. You can ask for help if you need or want to; you don't have to go it alone. (Divine help (prayer is a great thing, just start talking), help from friends, try a seminar, or even a book.)

Hang in there when things feel challenging. Like all of life, there is a pulse. Energy comes in waves so there are times for resting and times for working, times for grieving and times for celebrating. For sure you'll have more challenges in life as the months and years unfold before you. And for sure, if you pay attention, you'll see the many blessings too. You might just even see the blessings in the challenges if you pay close attention.

Love,

Aunt Laya

I took this photo. So, thanks to the people who designed digital. :-)

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Love,
Aunt Laya

How long should you try?

"How long do you give a baby to learn to walk
before you tell him to give it up?" ~Jim Rohn

I talk about baby steps all the time. Take things a little bit at a time. The thing is, it's not just about taking small steps, it's about taking the steps in the first place. What ever it is that you want to improve or build or learn or have in your life, you can create amazing results only if you work on your attitude and actions.

Fuel yourself with information. Keep growing! Keep going in the direction of your dreams.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to morguefile.com and puravida for the wonderful photo.