Confident. Not mousy, not cocky. Confident.

Confident. Not mousy, not cocky. Confident. 

 In Balance!!!

Walk through this life and know that you are precious; you have great value! Not more precious than anyone else, and not less precious than anyone else either.

Life is not about what you accomplish. It is not about how you look or who you're friends with. It is about who you are; you know the "human being," not the "human doing."

When people think too much of themselves 

or too little of themselves, 

it is the same ego problem. 

 Modesty or humility, means that you know who you are, both in your glory and in your simpleness. If you think you're terrible, ugly, shameful, useless, then you have an ego problem. If you think you are better, higher, or more valuable, you have an ego problem. The test here is to understand how very precious you are. And to see how precious other people are too.

I do not want people to sink into despair this holiday season. I want you to understand how loved and lovable you are. You may not see it now, but keep your eyes open and keep your heart open. If you don't feel lovable, are you loving others? Will you let in the love others have for you? Poor is not better than rich, pretty is not better than plain, and no one knows what is really going on in the heart of another. So you have choices. You can choose joy, you can reach out to ask for help, you can reach out to give support, you can wallow in self-pity, you can take one more step, you can find a safe place to rest for a while, you can ask for what you need or... what?

Be kind to others and give yourself the same gift: Be kind to yourself! This is called giving the benefit of the doubt. Do you need ideas about how to do this? Leave comments if you want ideas or if you have ideas to share. You can comment anonymously or email me through my website for privacy.

Blessing of the day: May you see the best in yourself and continue to grow in beautiful ways. May you find gratitude in each day. May you look for and find what is good in yourself and in others.

You can do this!

Love,

Aunt Laya

Thanks to Morguefile.com and (taliesin) Mary R. Vogt for the photo.

(for more photos by Mary, have a look at my video 

where I used a whole bunch of her photos)

Fat-talk Free Week

Why not make it a "fat-talk" free life? I think this is a great idea.


Love,
Aunt Laya

Tool for Life - Reframing

"If at first you don't succeed, redefine success!"

I just saw this quote and of course it made me smile. But then I realized this is the perfect example for a life tool. This tool is a skill you can develop for keeping your mindset positive. It is called "Reframing". You can use this tool for the way you relate to your own life and also how you relate to others.

You get to decide how you want to frame your life and your perceptions. Kind of like when you take a photograph. You choose what to focus on. In life, you decide what to focus on! You decide who is in the picture and who is out. You decide what you want to photograph--you decide what to put energy into, and how you want to do that.

Then once you have taken your photo--or once something has already happened in your life--you decide how you want to view it in your mind. To open up your thoughts on this one, take a minute to understand how a frame on a picture really makes a difference:

If you have never taken anything to a frame shop, now would be a good time to head on out to one just to have a look at how the process works. or check out these websites to see what I mean:
Look here to see ideas of the way things can look in different frames and how many different kinds of frames and matts you can choose from.
Look here to see more framing ideas and notice the way the environment you place your picture in is also like a frame.

So how do you apply this in your life? Let's say you set the goal of hiking up a mountain. At the end of the day, you didn't make it to the top of the mountain. Now you get to choose the way you want to frame the day.
You could say to yourself: Wow, what a great day, I saw wonderful sites, climbed higher than I ever have before, and had a nice time.

OR

You could say to yourself: What a failure, I never even got to the top of the mountain.

What attitude will serve you the best? What attitude will help you enjoy the life you are living?

Here's another way you can use reframing: A child says "I hate you" to his parent. The parent can say to himself "Oh, I'm a failure as a parent!" OR "This kid is tired and needs a nap." OR "What can I do to help my child understand this situation?" In this situation you can use reframing to give another person the benefit of the doubt. You can do that if you're the kid too. Say your parents yell at you "for no reason". It could be that they are actually having a bad day! Poor, poor parents. They are doing the best they can.

And, you're allowed to give your own self the benefit of the doubt too! You are doing the best you can. When you make a mistake (or your parents or your kids or anyone) know that you (and they) are doing the best you can.

Bottom line: You can choose the thoughts and perspective that you want. I hope you'll choose well in ways that will help you grow and find peace.

You can do this!

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to Morguefile.com and Procrastinator for the great image!

Celebrate!

OK, there is a lot about the hard times that is being talked about. Hard times with money, work, terrorism, and they are all real issues that need to be addressed. But that doesn't mean that we can't have good times too. So how do you create a good time? Declare it. Call some friends or sit with family and make a party to celebrate life, to celebrate friendship, to celebrate what you DO have. You can even make a little celebration all by yourself. If you are feeling alone, then there is someone else who is alone and just waiting for your call and invitation. (Be brave and make the call! Or make three calls until you have the company you want.)

You can give your celebration a theme: birthday, un-birthday, Christmas, Hanuka, Kwanzaa, Solstice, or summer in December and make a picnic on the floor in your living room. Get a few props: candles, music, yummy treats, or art supplies. Get creative.

Shake yourself up. Inspire yourself. Give yourself a lift and maybe life someone else's spirits along the way. Last week I went to the mall and had some fun giving out chocolates to some nice people who helped me. Look for things to celebrate and you'll find them.

I celebrate you!
Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to Morguefile.com and Clarita for the great photo

Formula for a Fresh Start

Part I

Forgiveness. You can say something like: "I forgive myself for the mistakes I've made."

Part II

Kindness. Know that you are lovable, even if you don't feel like it. Treat yourself the way you would treat a small child or friend. Don't beat yourself up for making a mistake. Mistakes are how we learn and grow.

Part III

Learn from your mistakes. No one is perfect, so don't be down on yourself for being human. When you goof up, make sure you take the lesson with you. (See how in the photo the "old stuff" nourishes and even protects the growth of the new?)

Part IV

Ask for help if you need help.

Part V

Keep growing and looking for the positive.

Ask yourself these questions:

What am I grateful for? If it's hard to come up with something, start with the basics, breathing, breakfast, friendship, swimming, ice cream... you get the idea.

Ask yourself each evening:
What was the best part of my day?
What do I look forward to tomorrow?

*Give yourself a hug,
give someone else a hug,
take a deep breath,
do a kindness for someone else
(get out of your self).*

You can do this! :-)

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thanks to xpistwv and morguefile.com for the wonderful photo.

Ouch! The Sting of Mean Words

Recently someone wrote something pretty mean about me on the internet. It wasn't personal, the guy doesn't even know me. It did sting at first when I read it. And then it took a while for the sting to disappear, but before long the sting did disappear. In it's place I found myself stronger and more confident!

When I was a student of martial arts, I spent some time working out one on one with a someone who was a black belt. He taught me that when you're sparring, don't even get mad if someone gets in a good hit. Anger gets you out of balance and you'll never fight well if you get emotionally out of balance with anger. I learned that if someone "gets you" it is an opportunity to see where you are "open." In a way, they are doing you a favor by showing you where you need to improve! He taught me to think of it as a game of tag. If you are tagged, that's where you can improve your moves or your game--or your life perspective!

Emotionally, I use this lesson the same way. When I felt the sting of hurtful words, I got to see where I had an opportunity to grow. Now I think about those same words and don't feel sad or bad at all. I see how the guy who wrote them revealed a puny part of himself and nothing more. How sad for him.

Some friends were talking to me yesterday about the Pixar animated movie "Ratatouille." They gave me a whole talk about how it's not really a kids' movie, but a deep film! (I'll need to watch it again from that perspective!) The point they made, a point well taken, was that even the the best review by a critic is still worth less than the actual act of being creative! Creative or Critical? How easy it is to be critical, what an investment to be creative.

So next time someone criticizes you, check your perspective. If it is someone you respect, you may have something to learn. If it is from someone who is simply blowing hot air, you can let it go. Know that you can rise above. And when you do rise, you'll be stronger and even more confident.

Keep shining!
Love,
Aunt Laya

True colors

Have you ever spent any time watching peacocks? They are so beautiful and so majestic. But they get a bum rap. When someone is walking around all conceited, people sometimes use the expression, “he’s strutting like a peacock.” I think peacocks are very modest birds though. They are beautiful to be sure. The males are programmed to attract the females for mating but it’s not about ego.

Ego is about people having inflated feelings of superiority. On the other hand, ego can go out of balance the other way when people feel inferior or not good enough. Being in balance is not feeling superior or inferior. Everybody has areas of talent and areas of weakness. How do you value the rose over the orchid or the daisy over the daffodil? The peacock is bluer than an elephant, and elephant is stronger than a fox, a fox is craftier than a frog, and frog jumps farther than an oyster (who doesn’t jump at all), which produces pearls from its challenges.

The ballerina dances and pays the shoemaker for her shoes. The shoemaker needs the truck driver to deliver supplies. The truck driver buys his food from the farmer, who buys his clothes… we humans rely on each other for entertainment, food, shelter, clothes, beauty, strength, comfort.

Truth of the day: Who ever you are, what ever you do, you are a gift to this world!
Blessing of the day: Shine your true colors in the way that only you can do.