Dream on

What are your dreams? Are you moving in the direction of your dreams?


I knew a guy who loved Rock 'n Roll. He was in a band that was popular in the clubs on Sunset Strip in Los Angeles. His band recorded an album. Then they filmed a music video that closed Sunset Boulevard for the night. I asked him if that was his dream come true. He said yes.


His band never went any further. Outside of the locals that knew about it, no one's even heard of the band. Does that mean he never "made it"? He had that dream come true. As he grew as a person, new ideas about how he wanted to build his life became important. He has gone on to touch lives in a meaningful way. He's "made it." Only it just looks different than he expected.


Someone shared something  about prayer that I thought was pretty wonderful. When you ask God for something there are three possible answers: "Yes", "Not yet", and "I have something better for you!" 


When things don't work out as you originally hoped, planned, and prayed, never lose heart! It could just be that there is more that needs to ripen, and it could be that there's really something better for you.


Keep taking the steps to create what you want in life. Even little steps that feel too easy are great! They move you forward. Lots of little, easy-shmeasy steps add up. One, and then another. 


It starts in your thoughts and heart, you dream, then you take action. You can do this!


Love,
Aunt Laya

It's there even if you can't see it

 An interesting thing happened one morning when I was picking figs for breakfast...

This summer I spent many mornings eating breakfast at my fig tree. Divine! The interesting thing about a fig tree, is that the figs don't all ripen at once. New fruits come out each day as the older fruits are ripening. When eating straight from the tree, the trick is to find them ripe enough, but not too ripe. 

One morning I saw the perfect fig. I knew it would be a taste of Heaven. I moved in close between the branches and leaves. As I got closer, it just disappeared! How could it be? I moved out again and saw it. So I knew that when I moved in closer, something blocked my view as it seemed to disappear.  What a metaphor for our goals and dreams in life.

You may know clearly what your goals and dreams are. You may be taking action in the direction of your goals and dreams. Then, as you think you are moving closer, all signs of actualizing it seem to disappear.

Take heart! 

Just because you don't see your goal as close as you thought you were to it, does not mean your heart's desire is not there. 

Try changing your perspective, move about (in thoughts or actions or both). You'll see it, maybe closer than you thought!

Love,

Aunt Laya

Photo by me one morning at breakfast. :-) 

With gratitude to the Creator of figs, cameras, and all of life!

Heck Yeah!

Heck Yeah!!!

In this age of flash and dash, how do you make the decision about what to let in, what to do, what to choose, and what to let go? I just learned a great way to do the measuring inside yourself. When you come across something, anything in life, and inside of you (your guts, heart, mind, thoughts, intuition) says "Heck Yeah!" that's a good sign. Go for it. I'm not talking about the little voice that says "eat that extra piece of cake" I'm talking about the part of you that runs deep and the part of you that rises high. 

If you don't get a "Heck Yeah!" 

then that means it's a "Heck No!" 

When you do what's right for you, it means  you can do more of what you need and really, truly want to be doing. This is all measured from your values; we're not talking about ego.

We all sometimes operate from a place of fear. Sometimes you don't want to leave what is familiar or certain. It's scary. So be certain you're listening deeply inside yourself to make sure you're not rationalizing ("rational lies"). Go for what lights you up because then you'll be really singing the song and dancing the dance you're here in this world for.

There is no need to play small here folks. Go for the gold in life. Go for the "Heck Yeah!"

Experiment and explore this and see what happens.

Love,

Aunt Laya

(Re) Inventing yourself

Who are you really?

Mostly, the way I get to see a movie is if one of my kids brings one home from the library or if someone brings a disc over for me to see. It was a big week for movies at my house and I just saw Don Juan DiMarco and Houseitter. Both of them had a theme with a character who creatively takes on a personality to create a new reality for themselves. What's interesting about both movies is that the "stable character" learns from the other to free themselves into a more joyful life.

We all know a bit about this. Dress up formally and you feel one way, wear your jammies and feel another way. So if this is true, then what if you can invent yourself to become the person you strive to be--on purpose? What if you can take off the mask of what others expect you to be and step into who you want to be in your heart of hearts?

Experiment of the day: What if you were a kid and could dress up as anything you wanted? Think about the character you might dress as. As you imagine, ask yourself: "What traits about that character do I desire?" For example: Super hero (saves the day, helps people) or Princess (walks with dignity and beauty). Now, if you dare, do something you might not ordinarily do with that character in mind. Don't worry, I'm not telling you to dress up or act weird. This is something you can do that no one has to know about or even notice. Just pick some small thing you can do that will make you feel more like that hero or princess or whatever. Act with the integrity of what you admire.

This exercise is like peeling layers off an essential part of you that might have been stifled. It's a chance to release an aspect of yourself that wants more meaning. You can let yourself enjoy and take delight with this experiment!

I know a guy who leaves coins in the return slots of candy machines for kids to find. I know someone else who started an organization to feed hungry families. I know a kid who volunteers at the dentist's office because she loves that stuff. I wish I was like a fairy godmother and since the magic wand I have doesn't really do anything, I write this blog to see if I can bless people a little bit. What do you dream? What small act can you do to step into your dreams?

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to Morguefile.com and Anita Patterson for the great photo!

Now what do I do?

You do not have to reinvent the wheel. There are people who can help you grow in the directions you want to grow. There are life coaches, basketball coaches, editors, business mentors, advisers, and what ever else you can think of. This is not just about career advancement.

You have something you bring to this life and it is something unique that only you can bring. It may not make a big splash, but it will--for sure!--send ripples out that change the world in real ways.

If you need support to sing the song you are here to sing, ask! And don't wait to sing your song, be it parenthood, gardening, nursing, performing, cleaning, teaching, friendship, building, doctoring, learning, even blogging! My life has been touched by children, bus drivers, taxi drivers, airport security, the smile of someone on the street, the receptionist at the dentist's office, and so many more.

Give a hand. Take a hand.

Love,
Aunt Laya

How long should you try?

"How long do you give a baby to learn to walk
before you tell him to give it up?" ~Jim Rohn

I talk about baby steps all the time. Take things a little bit at a time. The thing is, it's not just about taking small steps, it's about taking the steps in the first place. What ever it is that you want to improve or build or learn or have in your life, you can create amazing results only if you work on your attitude and actions.

Fuel yourself with information. Keep growing! Keep going in the direction of your dreams.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to morguefile.com and puravida for the wonderful photo.

Tool for Life - Reframing

"If at first you don't succeed, redefine success!"

I just saw this quote and of course it made me smile. But then I realized this is the perfect example for a life tool. This tool is a skill you can develop for keeping your mindset positive. It is called "Reframing". You can use this tool for the way you relate to your own life and also how you relate to others.

You get to decide how you want to frame your life and your perceptions. Kind of like when you take a photograph. You choose what to focus on. In life, you decide what to focus on! You decide who is in the picture and who is out. You decide what you want to photograph--you decide what to put energy into, and how you want to do that.

Then once you have taken your photo--or once something has already happened in your life--you decide how you want to view it in your mind. To open up your thoughts on this one, take a minute to understand how a frame on a picture really makes a difference:

If you have never taken anything to a frame shop, now would be a good time to head on out to one just to have a look at how the process works. or check out these websites to see what I mean:
Look here to see ideas of the way things can look in different frames and how many different kinds of frames and matts you can choose from.
Look here to see more framing ideas and notice the way the environment you place your picture in is also like a frame.

So how do you apply this in your life? Let's say you set the goal of hiking up a mountain. At the end of the day, you didn't make it to the top of the mountain. Now you get to choose the way you want to frame the day.
You could say to yourself: Wow, what a great day, I saw wonderful sites, climbed higher than I ever have before, and had a nice time.

OR

You could say to yourself: What a failure, I never even got to the top of the mountain.

What attitude will serve you the best? What attitude will help you enjoy the life you are living?

Here's another way you can use reframing: A child says "I hate you" to his parent. The parent can say to himself "Oh, I'm a failure as a parent!" OR "This kid is tired and needs a nap." OR "What can I do to help my child understand this situation?" In this situation you can use reframing to give another person the benefit of the doubt. You can do that if you're the kid too. Say your parents yell at you "for no reason". It could be that they are actually having a bad day! Poor, poor parents. They are doing the best they can.

And, you're allowed to give your own self the benefit of the doubt too! You are doing the best you can. When you make a mistake (or your parents or your kids or anyone) know that you (and they) are doing the best you can.

Bottom line: You can choose the thoughts and perspective that you want. I hope you'll choose well in ways that will help you grow and find peace.

You can do this!

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to Morguefile.com and Procrastinator for the great image!

Advice for a Tree

This question came in as a comment for an earlier post:

Dear Aunt Laya,
I need some advice, because I can't seem to find anyone who can tell me how to solve my problem. I can't get myself to go to class everyday! I skip and come up with all sorts of excuses, though the real reason is that I feel like a loser in class. My class consists of students with sky-high GPAs, and I am the only odd one there. Although I work harder than them in terms of written work, I cannot think like them and generate questions like how they do. In my school, we are graded on our participation and knowledge and not how much work we produce. I always get out-beaten and never feels good. My grades are failing, I only have one year before I graduate and I can't help feeling hopeless and useless all the time. I never hated school this much. I would really appreciate some advice.

Dying Tree.

********

Dear Tree,
Sometimes trees appear to be dying but they are not. It is fall and time for the leaves to die and fall off, but the tree isn't really dying, its just in a cycle of renewal. The tree stands strong and beautiful in the winter as the next phase is preparing itself. There is a beauty in this cycle of life too but you have to look for it to see it. Then in the spring new buds will form and suddenly seem to burst forth in an explosion of growth.

DO NOT DESPAIR! I learned that despair is when someone is full of self pity and then there is no room for joy to come in. Now may be a good time for you to redefine what success is to you. It's not the same for everyone, you know? If you have only one year left to graduate, keep showing up and get through this. It doesn't have to be on the same terms as everyone else. Just because the instructor is not judging you in a framework that is fair to you, you don't have to measure your success in the same way. Don't let discouragement get the better of you. Hang in there, "this too shall pass".

Have you defined your dreams? Do you know what is important to you? School is a tool and a stepping stone. Finish what you started and then use the open doors to head toward your heart's desire. That means you are true to you (not some teacher's version of what you "should" be, what your Creator intended for you to be in all your shining true self).

You really can do this!

Love and (((hugs))),
Aunt Laya

Thank you to Robb and Morguefile.com for the beautiful photo!

Overcoming Fear

Once I was working on a movie set with a famous actress/model. Just before the camera started rolling, she started to scream and stomp about. Everyone on the set thought she had lost her mind. As suddenly as she started, she stopped and looked around smiling. She explained that she learned that if some place inside she felt foolish about a scene, she should really "act" foolish so that the scene would feel normal to her.

What ever the reasons are we sometimes give in to fear of going for our dreams. I don't think it's always important to know why. It's OK to skip the why and simply get to the how.

There are different kinds of fear.

• Fear that is good because it can keep you safe.
  
• Irrational fear--fear that has no basis in reality and actually interferes with daily life.
• Fear that holds you back from living your dreams.

Sometimes it's good to be afraid. We're supposed to be afraid to run in front of a speeding train. It's wise to wait until the train is past before we cross the tracks. It's good for a woman to have some fear about walking alone in a parking lot at night. Bad things happen too often and it's wise to ask a man (or for a man to offer) to walk a woman to her car at night. It's good to be afraid of going to jail. It may be better to do what's right just because it's right, but it's also good to understand that some actions have a negative consequence and to be afraid of that is healthy.

Sometimes fear is debilitating. Fear can be so deep and wide that the person who is feeling it can not leave their home. This is not healthy fear. It is a kind of fear that can be treated though help may be needed. Some people are so afraid of flying that they will not leave their home town. That's not a big deal if it's not stopping the person from his normal life. It's sad if he has can not go to the award presentation for his good work because of his fear.

Then there is the kind of fear that doesn't look like such a big deal. I mean, you're living your life just fine, right? Yet, there are fears that stand in the way of doing, being, or accomplishing something that would make your heart sing.

This is fear that you can conquer!

The power of imagination

The truth is, fear is mostly imagined. One of my many favorite quotes is by Mark Twain:

"I am an old man and have known a great many troubles,
but most of them never happened." ~Mark Twain

Courageous people are not those without fear, they move in spite of their fear.

You know this is true. Think about something you were very fearful about that in the end worked out just fine. You already have life experience with this, but maybe you don't give yourself credit. Were you afraid the first day at a new job, but now you love it? Were you afraid the first day of a new school, but you made friends and got through it? Did you remember the first time you got on a bus or train or airplane alone?

Have you ever tried to do something and the thing failed? Maybe you felt bad for a time, but then if you think about it, don't you feel great that you gave it a try? Did you learn something? Did you turn your learning into a stepping stone?

Think about the times when you have accomplished the thing you felt fearful about. Remember and hold onto the feeling of accomplishment when you succeeded. Imagine that same great feeling right now and in the future.

You can do this.
Email me your wins, I love hearing from you.

Love,
Aunt Laya

with gratitude to FlyingPete and morguefile.com for the amazing photo!

Need Some Inspiration?

When you feel like things are hard, have a look at this young man and his dad for some inspiration.



Thanks for stopping by.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Mini workshop: $37.99 value, FREE!

SUCCESS FORMULA!

What do you want to accomplish?

It's your life. What's important to you? Have you made your list?

Dream big, write it all down and then ask yourself, "If I could only do ONE of these things, which one would it be?" Now you know what's important to you, really important.

So how do you accomplish what you want?

Here are four pieces of the puzzle--four elements you need to get together:
Attitude
Do you have right thinking? Do you believe in yourself? Do you know you are worth it?
Tools
Do you have what you need? If you don't, make a list and get it together. If you want to go rock climbing, you'll need the right equipment. What do you need? What do you need to get those tools together?
Skills
Do you know how to do what you need to do? Want to be in a triathlon? You gotta know how to swim. If you don't know how to swim, then even with goggles and the best attitude in the world you can't get in the water. No one can know how to do it all, that's where learning from others comes in: read, take a class, practice. This is called growing! (It's a good thing.)
Action
Once you know what you want, believe you can accomplish it and have a strong desire, gather the tools you'll need, and learn the skills, you can take the steps to create your dreams. Break it down into small bite sized pieces. Create a time line or a new habit.
Persistence
Be relentless. Move forward. If you fall--that's OK! Get back up. Take another step forward.

You CAN do this!
Love,
Aunt Laya

What do you REALLY want?

This is a most basic of questions. Ask yourself, "What do I want?"

There's a catchy phrase that says, "You've got to name it to claim it."

If you don't know where you're going, then you're wandering aimlessly. If you know where you want to go, then you can make a plan to get there. If you know what you want, then you can make a plan of action. A plan of action is as simple as putting one foot in front of the other. It can be as simple as noticing, "I'm hungry," as a start. Then you have to decide what you want to eat. A sandwich? What kind? What do I need to do to prepare it? Sound simple? It is a simple process but we are usually so busy with the small stuff that we haven't learned how to listen to the inner voice whispers your heart's desires. Do you remember the first time you cooked something "all by yourself?" It's a big accomplishment when a young kid cooks for the first time. If you're in new territory, go easy on yourself. Each step you take is a big accomplishment!

Now transfer that understanding to what's next in your life. Take one small goal that would mean a lot to you and break it down into small action steps. Don't try to do it all at once.

Q. How do you eat an elephant?
A. One bite at a time!

Small steps add up in big ways.

Goals don't have to be big, out-in-the-world things. Reading a book is one page at a time. Writing a book is also one page at a time. Filling in your photo album is one page at a time (or just gathering all you photos in to one place might be a start).

Sometimes it's hard to get to what you really want and talking things through with someone you trust is helpful. No one said you have to do this alone!

The idea here is: be honest with yourself about what you want. Dig deep. You're worth the effort. Then, take one step in that direction. Then, take another step.

You can do this! One small thing, right now... go!

Love,
Aunt Laya

Compromise or Settle?

In life you have to make compromises. There's a difference between settling and compromising. One way to think of it is that you don't get everything you want, the way you want it, when you want it. I once took a class in finance. One of the principles I learned was that if you manage your money successfully (saving and spending habits--a skill worth learning), you can have anything you want, not everything, anything. That means you have to consider what is most important to you.

When you know what is most important to you, you can set a goal. You can achieve, have, develop, or create that thing, whether it's a relationship, a college degree, or that new fancy gadget or outfit. Once you get yourself on track with your goal, it means you compromise something else. You have to let go of some things in order to have what you really want. Like, if you really want to be happily married, you've got to let go of dating other people.

Settling is when you don't believe that you can have what you want so you take what you think is the best you can get.

Back to the example of relationship. Settling is taking a partner you don't enjoy because you think you won't find anyone else. Compromising means she doesn't like to watch basketball with you, but she is a pleasure to talk with. Settling means staying with an abusive man because you are afraid to let go, compromising means he's not as tall as you dreamed.

There are some things that you never have to compromise on. And there are some things you can settle for. Don't ever compromise your values. You can settle for a different brand of tomato sauce when you're shopping.

Just something to consider.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to Scott M. Liddle (scott.liddell.com) and Morguefile.com for the great photo, again!

Can you do the impossible?

Did you know that scientists have not figured out how bees fly? There's a rumor that engineers have apparently "proven" that according to the laws of aerodynamics (the natural laws of flying) it is impossible for bees to fly! How can that be? Bees fly. Well, engineers have not said that it's impossible for bees to fly, because, well, bees fly. But it's true that no one has figure out HOW! Can you believe it? There are actually things in this world that we do not understand!

Isn't that exciting? We don't know it all.

So, stay open minded because there is so much to discover in this world.

And, stay hopeful. Just because you haven't figured out how to "fly" in your own life, does not mean it won't happen. If a bee can do the impossible, you can too! Hold fast to your dreams. Take one small step every day in the direction of your dreams. And if you don't know what your dreams even are, that's okay too. Start by doing acts of kindness for others (like passing on a little honey). You'd be amazed how doing acts of kindness will help you blossom!

Stay sweet!
Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to Scott M. Liddle (scott.liddell.com) and Morguefile.com for the great photo, again!

Your Heart's Desires

Sometimes we just ache for something so much. We have a desire for something in our lives and it just always seems to be out of reach. A lot of people talk to me about wanting to find a life partner, for example. They date and date. They've met lots of people. Sometimes they thought they were with "the right one" only to be disappointed or heartbroken when the relationship ended.

Sometimes teenagers crave to be in a relationship. But the timing is just not right. The time is not yet ripe and the outcome is either forced or painful.

I'm here to tell you that when something doesn't work out for you RIGHT NOW, it's because there is something BETTER around the corner. Do not become down hearted.

You can imagine that the thing you desire is already a part of your life, because on some level that really is true. Does that sound weird? There are many aspects to this life and our physical world is part of it, but not the whole thing. There are many forces at work in this world, from the magnetic pull of the earth and moon to the invisible rays of the sun. Now if you can just imagine, there is a force that regulates the sun and moon, and that same force moves you and your dreams.

On the other hand, you need to make sure you're doing your part in the equation--to be able to recognize your dream when it's staring you in the face, and take action! Are you sure you're out of your own way? In Buddhism there's a term called "monkey mind" that blabs on just to fill you up with self doubt. In Hebrew it's called the "yetzer ha-rah". I think the Native Americans use the coyote as the Trickster in stories. What ever your culture or background, beware the Trickster: thoughts, people, roadblocks, self doubt, and so on.

If you have a dream in your heart, it's because there is something for you, some treasure, some gift of life and living, that you will find on that path. Sometimes, the thing you think you want isn't really meant to be. And that will always be because there is something BETTER, yes, better, waiting for you.

Plan, put your effort into moving in the direction of your heart's desire. Trust. Express gratitude, because gratitude will always keep the flow going.

What is of great value is not thrown around, it's earned through some combination of time, intention, and action. Ask for guidance. Study those who have accomplished similar goals. (Like if you want to be a body builder, learn from someone who's mastered that. If you want a good marriage, ask the couples you know what makes their marriage work. If you want to be an actor, study and practice.)

Here's to dreams come true... in the perfect timing, even when it's not the timing we thought we wanted or hoped for.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to Scott M. Liddle (scott.liddell.com) and Morguefile.com for the great photo

What are you planting this spring?

I've been trying to plant flowers in my yard. Here's a little of what I'm learning:

• Sometimes a plant takes, sometimes it doesn't, keep planting anyway. {Sometimes you fall on your face. That's OK, everyone does, get up again!}

• Make sure you know the right season for planting what you want. If you miss a season, it will come around again. {Everything has its season including relationships, personal growth, work, and learning.}
  
• Make sure you give the plant the right amount of shade and sun--where you plant something matters. {Put yourself in the right environment! Be around good and healthy people, read and watch and listen to things that will nourish you.}
  
• Sometimes the dog will dig up what you plant. That's OK, be patient, the dog will out grow it or you can plant somewhere else. {Things don't always work out the way we plan them. That's OK, try again, wait until you mature, or try a different way.}
  

Quote for the day: "I will waste not even a precious second today in anger or hate or jealousy or selfishness. I know that the seeds I sow I will harvest, because every action, good or bad, is always followed by an equal reaction. I will plant only good seeds this day."
--Og Mandino1923-1996, Author and Speaker

What are seeds of good? Kindness, gratitude, charity, joy, rest...