Healing Sexual Abuse

"There is nothing we cannot live down, rise above, and overcome."

--Ella Wheeler Wilcox

If you or someone you know has been sexually abused either as a child or as an adult, I'm here to tell you that healing is possible! If you have never been sexually abused, please read what I have to say anyway. If you are a teen reading this, please follow the link and learn about the five stages of abuse and the warning signs of an abusive relationship.

When ever you want, you can go to my website http://www.auntlaya.com/ and click on the chapter from my book about sexual abuse. Or you can go straight to the chapter right now with this link:

http://www.auntlaya.com/auntlaya/Kadima_Sexual_Abuse5.pdf

There are a lot of resources right here on the Internet for you, for your healing. I'll post some of those later on.

Sometimes people ask me, "How can I heal? I'll never be able to forget what happened." That's true, you'll always know what happened to you. Like a wound to your physical body though, it can stop hurting so much and the scar will fade with time. You'll always know what happened to you, but you'll also be able to create a rich life without pain coloring so much of your life. Sometimes the healing process itself is hard. Remember, it's a process, it's not something that happens all at once. Take your time. Be tender with yourself. You are not alone. You are never alone, even if it feels like it sometimes.

I'm loving you up as you take the journey toward healing,

Aunt Laya

Photo by Alex (o0o0xmods0o0o) at MorgueFile.com -- Thank you!

A new twist for New Year Resolutions

What is really important to you? Do you want to start something new? Do you want to stop doing something you don't want to do? Instead of trying to make this goal or dream come true with brute strength, try this: one small step, then another small step. Remember the tortoise and the hare? That little guy just took one step at a time—all at his own pace, and he made it across the finish line. First!

The idea here is to live the life you want for yourself. What is the dream or goal you’re reaching for? Now think of what it will take for you to get that. If you dream of exotic travel, have you called a travel agent? Just take the first step and find out what it would cost you. Then you know how much money to save. Then you can decide how you want to do that. Or you can get creative about bartering (trading services, work for goods or service for goods etc.), or a job with an airline or travel agency. What if you want to get fit? A 15 minute walk two times a week, is that something you could do? A bottle of water instead of a soda once a day isn’t as hard as thinking about a starvation diet (which anyways is not a good idea). If you want a college degree, sign up for one class and show up for it!

If you’ve been reading this blog or my book, you know by now that I encourage people to ask and get help when needed. We are all in this life together. We all do better, feel better, and accomplish more when we work together.

What are your dreams? What is one, teeny, tiny step you can take right now? At the very least, write it down because even the act of writing a dream gives it power. You’ve got that power. Take one small step right now!

You can do this!
Love,
Aunt Laya

'Tis the season

'Tis the season, only sometimes people don't feel like it. The fastest way to lift your spirits is to do something to lift the spirits of someone else.

For great inspiration, stories, need downloads, go see this website http://www.actsofkindness.org

• if you go to the "free downloads" link, you can get ready made certificates and more that you can download, print and give
• click on ecards and send a bit of inspiration
• once you've clicked on any link, a new list will appear on the left side of the screen and you can read some very neat stories of things people have done

If you need a hug, ask for one.
If you have a hug to give, give it.

I wish you and yours a very sweet and bright holiday season.

Love,

Aunt Laya

photo by taliesin at morguefile.com, thank you!

When life is hard

Right now is the darkest time of the year. Our daylight is the shortest (in the northern hemisphere) and night is the longest. Then, on top of that, if you have hard things going on in your life, it's hard to imagine the light at the end of the tunnel.

Today is a love note of encouragement. Life is not meant to be easy. Life is full of meaning and beauty, but easy is not part of the deal. We get that clue first thing. We start all cozy in the womb; as we grow, it starts to get pretty cramped in there until we don't really fit comfortably any more and we get squeezed out! It's not easy. Then, taking that first breath of air is a shocker too. We don't remember how hard all of that was. But it was hard. Okay, it's hard work to get born, and it's hard work to get through school, and it's hard work when we fall on our face, and it's hard, really hard, when we face loss in our lives.

Sometimes the best thing is to sit quietly, either by yourself or with someone who loves you, and just BE. You don't have to fix anything or each other, just be. Regenerate, recreate, grieve, rest, what ever you need to do. Your energy will move in cycles, just like the waves of the ocean moves with the tides.

Even when you are not actively "out in the world" doing things, being you and growing into yourself is enough.

Your soul is a flame that lights up the world. Really.

One of my favorite images of growing is of a crab. When that little shell fish needs to grow, it has to shed its hard protective shell and become very vulnerable. It will usually go and take refuge in some rocks until it grows a new, bigger shell to step out into the world once again.

If you're feeling vulnerable and tender, it's way okay to retreat for a time and take good care of you. If you need cyber {{{{{hugs}}}}} you've come to the right place because I have an unlimited supply of time-released {{{{{hugs}}}}} and you're welcome to take all you like.

With love and of course {{{{{hugs}}}}},
Aunt Laya

Teen read contest! Check it out...

TeensReadToo.com is Proud To Present....

"31 Days of Giving"

A Holiday Spectacular Sweepstakes Event

Of course you'll find a copy of "You Don't Have to Learn Everything the Hard Way" as one of the prizes but you'll also find a "sneak preview" copy of the audio book among the many, many prizes being offered.

Be sure to read the contest rules.

Click here: http://www.teensreadtoo.com

Let me know if you win!

Love,

Aunt Laya

You've got the power!

What would you do if you were 100% responsible for your own life? What would you do differently? What would you do more of and what would you let go of? You can ask someone to coach you, read books, learn from other people's experiences, but the bottom line is that you get to create your life! Isn't that amazing? You've got the power!

"The best years of your life are the ones

in which you decide your problems are your own.

You do not blame them on your mother,

the ecology, or the president.

You realize that you control your own destiny."

--Albert Ellis

Love,

Aunt Laya

photo credit: Jane M Sawyer http://morguefile.com/forum/profile.php?mode=viewprofile
Thank you!

Audio book in the works!

Are you a teen (or do you know one) who'd like to read or listen to this book --and get a signed copy as a gift-- and write a review? Please contact me through my website:

www.AuntLaya.com

Blessings,

Aunt Laya

Boundaries

Are you holding boundaries that work for you? Are people overstepping their boundaries with you? Are you overstepping other people's boundaries?

It's okay to push past where you feel comfortable when you're growing, when you will get positive results for yourself or a greater good. But some things are really clear and I'm here to tell you that when you need to say NO, gather yourself up--even if you don't think you can--and say NO where it needs to be said.

Pay attention to that inner voice that lives inside of you. If you’re saying “no” on the inside, say “no” on the outside.

Say “yes” to yourself and what you know is right for you. If you're not sure if it's right to say "no" or not, ASK someone who is trustworthy.

You can do it!

Love,
Aunt Laya

Do you feel helpless?

When you feel helpless and you feel like crying, that is a time to be very tender with yourself. Sometimes it's a time to be alone, and sometimes it's a time to reach out and ask for help.

Sometimes people feel helpless because someone has done something to hurt them, or sometimes we're just too hard on ourselves. Sometimes we're just in a down cycle, sometimes we're sick. There are lots of reasons.

Here's the main thing I want you to know:

You are not alone.
You are not alone.
You are not alone.
You can reach out and ask for help.
You can reach out and ask for a hug.

Ask for a hug.

It's okay to ask for help and hugs.

One thing I do when I feel overwhelmed is to pick just one small thing that I CAN do. Then I do it. Then I pick one more small thing. You can do that too.

Sometimes, you really just need to rest. No one can do it all and we all need to just be gentle sometimes. Be sure you've had enough good food to eat and water to drink. Or maybe you need chocolate? Or... hugs.

Ask for help when you need help.
Take a deep breath; take a step back from what ever is upsetting you. Talk it over with someone you trust, someone you know is wise.

Remember, YOU are the song the morning brings.

Love,
And hugs,
Aunt Laya

Rising, rising, rising

“There are glimpses of heaven to us in every act,

or thought, or word

that raises us

above ourselves.”

–Arthur P. Stanley

There are two main things I teach about life: the way you see things will influence the life you live and the things you do will create your life too. From these two places, action and perception, you create your reality. Of course there are forces at work that are out of our control, but what you choose to do and how you choose to be make the difference.

Sometimes I talk to people who really need to focus on themselves, taking care of themselves, nurturing themselves. Sometimes what people need is to get outside of themselves and reach out to others. Only you know the truth about what you need to do right now in your life. If you’re not sure and not sure how to listen to the insides of you yet, experiment.

Today’s experiment: Do something noble to make your corner of the world a bit brighter. Help yourself, help another, sing, spend time with someone who loves you, pray, dance, learn something new, draw, express gratitude.

Love,

Aunt Laya

Photo by Kevin Connors.
See more amazing photos at http://www.kconnors.com

New moon

It's the new moon today.
This is a time of renewal.
You can turn yourself in any direction you want.

Think about what you want for yourself.
As you think about it, you are creating the possibility.

Be kind to yourself.
Be grateful to yourself for having the wit to start anew.
Be grateful to that which gave you the wit to start anew.

Remember, everything happens in its own right season. If you plant the seeds of what you want today, they will sprout in just the right time.

When you plant, sometimes things take root and make it and sometimes they don't. That's okay, plant anyway.

Keep breathing.

Love,
Aunt Laya

"What if you slept?

And what if, in your sleep, you dreamed?

And what if, in your dream,

you went to heaven

and there plucked a strange and beautiful flower?

And what if, when you awoke,

you had the flower in your hand?

Ah, what then?"

--Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Dear Reader,

Dream beautiful dreams. And know that the most beautiful of them can come from heaven, and that you can awake to find your dreams come true. May you find the strength to name your heart's desire, dream the dream, and pluck the flower that awaits you.

Love,

Aunt Laya

How do you eat an elephant?

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time!

How do you get your house clean? Put one thing away at a time.

How do you get fit? One step at a time.

How do you get through the hard times? One breath at a time.

How do you accomplish anything that's important to you? You make up your mind and you take small steps each day that will move you in the direction that you want to go.

Pick a dream.
Make a plan.
Take a step.
Evaluate if you're headed in the right direction to reach your goal.
Take another step.

It is simple. Sometimes you have to battle a dragon or two (like your own ego, people's and your own judgements, falling on your face). That's okay, it makes the dream that much sweeter.

You can do this.

I'm working on getting a reprint of my book. I'm also working on an audio book. Sometimes it seems so overwhelming. It always seems to go slower than I think it should. I wrote the book one page at a time. I'm doing the reprint one task at a time. I still have to make dinner and clean the house. I still have to plan the next class I'm teaching. That's all okay because even if it takes me longer that I wanted, it will still get done. (And, I'll let you know when that happens!)

What are you working on? (Can I cheer for you?)

Quote for the day:

You don't have to see the whole staircase,

just take the first step."

--Martin Luther King

Love,
Aunt Laya

Laughing babies

Enjoy and delight!
Love,
Aunt Laya

Quote for the day:

Always do right.

This will gratify some people

and astonish the rest.

--Mark Twain

It is not always easy to do what is right, is it? But you can live with yourself if you know you did your best to do what is right. Here's one of my favorite quotes: "What's right is not always popular, what's popular is not always right."

Do what is right. Then give yourself and someone else a hug to celebrate it!

Love,
Aunt Laya

Can you read Korean?

This is the cover of my book in Korean!


Love,
Aunt Laya

Is the world out to get you?

Is the world out to get you?

Well, yes, in a way. Only maybe instead of thinking the world is out to get you down, how about if you think that the world is out to help you get better?

Think about this possibility:

Maybe all of life is about helping you:

Get going

Get grateful

Get ready

Get rested

Get grown

Get to be your best

Get new ideas

???

Quote for the day: "I've always been the opposite of a paranoid. I operate as if everyone is part of a plot to enhance my well-being." -- Stan Dale

Get the idea? (smile)

Love,
Aunt Laya

What do you feed?

Some of the best advice I heard for a married couple is "The grass is greenest where you water it." It's true about what goes on inside of our own minds and emotions, we will flourish where we put our attention. Want more fear? Feed the fear. Want more joy? Celebrate all you can. Want more beauty? Look for the beauty in all that you see. Want more humor? You know what I mean.

Story for the day:
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.
He said, “My son, the battle is between 2 wolves. One is Evil.
It is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather,
"Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

Blessing for the day:
May you see what is good within you and nourish it with love.

Advice for the day:
When you see the frailty within you, bless it for it is somehow there to serve you too, and then set it free.

Love,
Aunt Laya