News from the road

Dear Readers,

I've been on the road traveling. I was in New York for the Book Expo America, the largest publishing industry event in the US and second in the world to Frankfurt, Germany. I went hoping to take my book to the next level and made some connections there that hold some potential promise.

I've also been busy at work updating "You Don't Have to Learn Everything the Hard Way." The book will come out this fall with a new look on the inside and outside. The cover will be the same basic design but different colors that people have said really make it "pop". The inside will have a larger font (so the letters are bigger) to make reading more comfortable on the eye. Of course as soon as it's ready and on the market, I'll announce it here right away.

I've got a new laptop, I've gone Mac now and am still not familiar with it. Since I'm a slow learner, I have to wait until I see the nephew who can help me with it. Then I'll be back online with regular posts and thoughts. More coming soon.

In the meantime, remember that you are blessed and loved.

Love,
Aunt Laya

A Little Comfort

Funny thing about this life. It's not really meant to be comfortable. We can find comfort--a comfortable chair, or pillow. We can find a comfortable friend. There are delicious moments of deep comfort. Then things change. You can count on it. So one of the life skills we all need is to understand about going with the flow of change. Sometimes it means we have to create the change we want to happen. Sometimes it means you have to work with what is happening, be patient with the process the way it is.

If you plan a picnic and the weather turns to rain what are your choices? You can be bummed. You can be bummed and then make new plans. You can decide to play in the rain. You can reschedule the picnic. There are always choices if you don't limit yourself. That's a choice too, isn't it, to limit yourself into thinking that you don't have a choice.

The things that matter most in this world come with a price tag. It might be that the thing you desire will take time, so you have to wait. Sometimes what matters will take effort and energy to accomplish. Sometimes we are required to change and that's scary because when we change we are heading into uncharted territory.

Being uncomfortable is a part of life. Sometimes we just need to observe it, notice it, and then move on anyway. Sometimes it comes with a lesson. Sometimes discomfort comes as a call to action or sometimes as a message not to move. This is where listening to your inner voice (some people call it intuition, some call it your "guts") comes in. Pay attention to it, listen to your inner sense of knowing or seek advice from someone you trust who has experience and wisdom. Know that the hard times pass.

In the process of growing and change, be kind to yourself--this will be a comfort. Be kind to others too, because you never know what's happening in their life.

You can become familiar with these cycles so when you're comfortable you can be grateful for the pleasure. And when you're not comfortable, you can be grateful for the opportunity to learn and grow.

With hugs and blessings as always,
Aunt Laya

What's on your mind? What do you choose?

What do you think about? How do you spend your time?

Where you put your attention increases.

You always have a choice about how to direct your thoughts and actions. Everything you do will swim around and process even in your sleep.

Choosing 'on purpose' what you want to think about, do, act on, pay attention to, will be the building blocks of where you go in life and what you co-create for yourself and those you influence.

So, what do you want? What do you need to read, spend time around, eliminate, invite, promote to create the life YOU want to live?

We don't get to chose every detail, but we do get to chose how we want to deal with things.

You've got the power of choice!

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thanks to richard_b at Morguefile.com for the great photo!

How to de-stress!

Here are some things you can do RIGHT NOW to reduce stress and get yourself in balance:

~When you're feeling stressed, take nice, slow deep breaths. You can put your hand on your belly and feel it expand before your chest gets full of air. That will be a nice deep breath (watch a baby sleeping and you'll see their bellies go up and down with their breath, it's natural).

~Take a break from the thing that's stressing you out. Read a good book. Get some art supplies and express yourself. Or enjoy what ever makes you feel safe and comfortable: Some people like a bath with candles, others like to get active, take a run or play a sport. Imagine you are resting some place beautiful (like the photo above in Okinawa). Even just imagining changes your body chemistry!

~Keep a journal. Write what ever comes to your mind, just let it go. No one else has to read this, you won't be graded, and you can tear it up afterwards if you want to. Just write and keep writing. You'll surprise yourself with what will come out if you keep the pen moving (even if you write nonsense for part of it, that's okay).

~Make sure you're giving yourself good nourishment. Drink plenty of water and take a good vitamin B complex which will be good for your nerves. Drink plenty of fresh water too.

~If you want, you can go to a health food store and try out a product called "Rescue Remedy". It's a simple combination of flower essences that you can take either on your tongue or in water. I have friends who are afraid to fly when they travel and it really helps.

~Can you find someone to talk with? Do you have someone in your life that you trust? Sometimes talking things out gives you a new perspective. You do not have to go it alone. Ask for help if you need it. It's okay to ask for help!

~Ask for hugs too. You're never too old to need or want a hug.

Quote for the day: "Growing is not a comfortable thing. That's why we hear about 'growing pains.' Getting familiar with the discomfort of growth can help you move through it more smoothly. All this does not mean that you sit passively as hard times hit. you need to participate: make the choices that are right for you, shift the way you look at things, and move on when when it's time."

--from You Don't Have to Learn Everything the Hard Way by Laya Saul

Here's a cyber (((((hug))))) for you for any time you need it.

Remember: You'll get through what ever is going on that makes you feel stressed, you really will. Hang in there! Many blessings.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Thank you to chamomile at www.MorgueFile.com for the great photo!

ASK!

How are you?
How are you doing in the different areas of your life?
Physical/material—your body, finances, environment etc
Emotional—relationships and feelings
Mental—how do you think about yourself and others?
Spiritual—do you have a relationship with your own sense of Spirit or God?
Do you know what you really want out of life?
Do you know what you want out of this day?

If you have the courage to ask yourself these kinds of questions, you'll have a place to begin planning what's next in your life. You can go "where ever the wind blows you" or you can choose a direction and take the steps to create the life you want for yourself.

We're all given the same number of hours a day. There's nothing anyone can to do change that. From there though, you have all kinds of opportunities to be creative and resourceful about building a life that will have meaning, purpose, value, and pleasure for you. The way to know what's important is to sit down with yourself--and you can do this with a buddy too--and ask yourself what you want out of life.

ASK!
Ask for help
Ask for guidance
Ask for your dreams
Ask the hard questions of yourself
Ask the people you trust in life how they do it

ASK and keep asking until you find the answers that are meaningful for you. Ask until you find the qualities or tools or resources you need to decide what's next.

There is magic in asking. Even if you don't get the answers you want, you'll be no worse off than you are now. So ASK. People who have the information you want usually want to tell, but they don't want to throw it out to someone who's not interested. They wait for people to ASK. So, ask!

Love,
Aunt Laya

You don't have to do anything you don't want to!

Recently someone asked for advice about a mistake that resulted in an embarrassing situation. She was pressured by some friends to do something she really didn't want to do.

Life is full of choices. When you make a poor choice about something, then you get another chance right away to make a choice about how you want to handle what happened. I always recommend learning from our mistakes (and the mistakes of others!). So, here's my answer:

First, you do not HAVE to do what other kids say. Got that? It doesn't matter if you were playing truth or dare; you don't have to do it. If an adult is asking you to do something and you're not clear about it, you can say you need to think about it and ask other trusted adults. It's true that I write for teens, but I know there are adults reading this too and the same goes for you! If someone tries to coax you or tries to pressure you into doing something you don't want to do, you get to say, "No." No, nope, not gonna, never, no way! What ever way works for you, don't cross a line that's not comfortable for you. Second, life has a way of "testing" us. You'll get to see if you learned this lesson on boundaries because you'll get tested again. It's just how life works. Practice. (Something like, "what part of 'no' don't you understand?" or "Is there a reason you’re not respecting my answer?") If someone doesn't take "no" for an answer, they are trying to manipulate you and you don't have to go there.

Second, when you do make a mistake, learn from it, but don't beat yourself up about it. That means, when the "test" comes around again, you can rise to it and respond in the way you really mean to. But do not waste your time feeling stupid. If a coach gives an athlete feedback on how to improve, the smart athelete takes the information, visualizes it over and over, and then does his best the next time. He keeps moving forward, not crying over the lost race or the bumbled what ever. Sure, it's natural to feel disappointment, but don't wallow in it. Move on and step up. Rise. One more time. Move yourself forward now because the lesson you learned means you have more life experience and you can make wiser choices. Even if you make the same mistake a hundred times, keep tweaking what you do until you get the results you want, whether it's in relationships, jobs or what ever. You learned to walk and tie your shoes; you can learn to say no when you need to.

Keep shining!

Love,
Aunt Laya

Photo by Mary R. Vogt from MorgueFile.com, thank you!

The Truth

Here's where I've been writing

I've been busy writing, but not here, so I thought I'd give you a link to some of the things I've been writing about. http://tinyurl.com/24cdps will take you to my profile at Yahoo Answers. Yahoo Answers is a web site where real people ask questions, some smart, some not so smart. I've been picking questions that I think I can answer in a helpful way. If you click on the link, you can scroll down and see a list of the questions I've answered. If there are any of interest to you, just click to see what I wrote. See you there! :-)

More soon.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Aren't porcupines cute??

Well, we all know how cute porcupines are, right?

And we all know just how they defend themselves, right?

But that sure doesn't mean that we each have to get blasted by a porcupine in order to know for ourselves that it would hurt. Right? Right.

That is exactly why I wrote "You Don't Have to Learn Everything the Hard Way--What I Wish Someone Had Told Me". (You can read sample chapters for free at http://www.auntlaya.com/ and also at Amazon by clicking on the photo of the book to the right. ----->)

Be smart. Learn from O.P.M. (other people's mistakes). Asking trusted sources is one good way to make your journey through life smoother. Enjoy the journey!

Love,
Aunt Laya

Simple Chages for Powerful Results or What You Can Learn from Your Dog

It's amazing how powerful simplicity can be. When I was active in martial arts I found that even the black belts all still use (and drill with) the simplest basics that the newest white belts are taught. It's always about doing the basics and we keep building in mastery. Here's one of the most powerful tools we have: speech. The way we use the gift of speech in our daily lives will make a huge difference in success in all areas of our lives. Here are my tips for making talk more positive and life enhancing.

Tip #1
Use positive words when ever you can. "Not good" instead of "bad" puts the focus on "good". Our minds and spirits hear the words and take in what we hear and say. We don't always hear things the way they're meant. If we're using positive words it reminds us where to focus. You'll never hear a negative word from a dog.

Tip #2
Delete Sarcasm.
Sarcasm comes from the Greek words that mean "to tear flesh". Yikes! We'd never hurt someone like that but with so much humor based on sarcasm, we can forget how much a sarcastic remark can sting and hurt. Dogs are always sincere.

Tip #3
No Gossip.
Gossip hurts three people, the speaker, the listener, and the person being talked about. If this one is hard here’s some food for thought: What you say about someone else really reveals more about the kind of person you are! If you listen to gossip about someone, you gotta wonder how that person talks about you. Getting out of listening to gossip can feel kind of sensitive since you don’t want to come off “holier than thou” but it’s well worth the effort. Here are a few “tips within tips” to get out of listening to gossip:
~change the subject, redirect the conversation
~be direct and honest and respectfully tell the other person that you also won't listen if someone wants to talk to you about him or her
~say there's something wrong with the phone connection and that you'll call them back (now you have time to think about how to redirect the conversation)
know that your reputation as trustworthy will rise
once people know that you're not into gossip, they'll stop coming to you with it
Dogs never, ever gossip about anything, ever.

Tip #4
Same rules apply about yourself.
Remember the old “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”? It’s still true and it’s also true about your own precious (as in valuable gem!) self. Dogs never put themselves down.

Tip #5
A kind word goes a long way.
Everyone needs to feel validated. What ever you like to hear is probably what other people like to hear too. A sincere compliment can go a long way. Gratitude is always good to express. Words of encouragement are always well received. Okay, well, dogs can't do this, but they wish they could!




Some cultures teach that you have a certain number of words you can use in your life time and that's it. It's meant to teach that we need to choose our words with care and purpose.



Experiment with this one and see what happens.



Love,
Aunt Laya

Photo credit: Avital (c) 2006

The Lion, the Donkey and the Fox

I just heard this story:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a lion, a donkey, and a fox that went rabbit hunting one day. At the end of the day, they came together and there was a big pile of rabbits in front of them. The lion said to the donkey, "Why don't you divide the rabbits fairly among us." So the donkey made three nice piles of rabbits at which point the lion killed the donkey, ate part of him, and threw what was left on the pile of rabbits.

Turning to the fox, the lion said, "Why don't you take the rabbits and divide them fairly between the two of us." The fox made a big pile in front of the lion and took one scrawny rabbit for himself. The lion asked, "Where did you learn to count so well?" To which the fox said, "I learned from the donkey!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That's called learning from other people's life experiences!

Love,
Aunt Laya

P.S. If you haven't read my book, "You Don't Have to Learn Everything the Hard Way--What I Wish Someone had Told Me" go ahead and click the link to the right with the picture of the cover to learn more!

Photo from Morguefile.com, by monosodium, thank you!

Love the Unlovely

I was reading a book* and saw these words: "Love the Unlovely". Those simple words really struck a chord in me. Sometimes the people we love the most do not act so very "lovely" to us. Sometimes little kids are crabby, sometimes it's teens that act "unlovely", or neighbors or parents or… we have the power to set the tone for our lives and love people through what ever is going on. How do you do that?

Here's something a wise woman taught me: when someone is saying or doing things that aren't so nice, it means that person is in pain. “What they really need is a blessing," she told me. So I tried it. The next time someone cut me off in traffic with an attitude, I blessed them. Right out loud I started saying things like, “I hope you get where you’re going safely. I hope you have many joyous times to celebrate with your family. I hope you live to a ripe old age and see beautiful healthy grandchildren.” Even if the driver of the other car is a young teenager, I bless him with these things. Usually they never hear me, but I hear myself. When I start blessing people who are grouchy or rude, I don’t always mean it when I begin but by the time I’m well into it, my heart is open and I mean every word. And guess what? I feel better. The tension in my body is released, I can take a deep breath, and I can move on to things that are more meaningful to me.

I used to work with teens that were placed in a residential treatment facility. They were boys that were neglected, abused or delinquent. I remember one boy who would get pretty cranky. I would sort of sing, “I love you!” He usually just walked away. Once I was the one who was short tempered and snapped, “I don’t have time for this right now.” He smiled and said, “I love you, too!” Boy, it felt nice to have those words come back at me—over fifteen years later, I still remember it.

May you be blessed to look for and find the words that will bless you and others! Take one step, one breath, at a time.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Please note: If someone is abusive or cruel, if they do things that tear you apart body or emotions, you may need to get to a safe place. In this post I'm talking about safe situations when someone is just out of balance with their emotions or mouth! If you need help getting away from an abusive situation; if you feel threatened, please search for safe houses or hotlines in your area, or a telephone hotline where someone can help you. If you're a kid, ask a teacher or counselor for help and keep asking until you get the help you need. Abuse of any kind, sexual or physical or emotional is not okay. It’s the right thing to ask for help to get out of an abusive situation!

*The book is 50 Great Tips, Tricks & Techniques to Connect with Your Teen by Debra Hapenny Ciavola, Ph.D.

photo from www.MorgueFile.com by Dani Simmonds

When's the last time you got silly?

Look around (and look inside) and let yourself enjoy some of the whimsy of life! Bring some cheer to people around you. Remember your most embarrassing moment and see if you can swap stories with someone so you can laugh at yourself. There's always a story that can top yours. Find a good joke and tell it to three people. (or more, and see how many people will return the favor by telling you a joke in return. One good joke deserves another.)

Blessing of the day: May your heart lighten as the days grow longer, may your sense of humor blossom with the coming spring!

Love,
Aunt Laya

photo from www.morguefile.com by patricia

Know what you're forwarding

If you've been checking in here regularly, you know I don't like to complain in general. Here's something that I do whine about. I hate getting e-mail that are urban legend or hoaxes. What does that mean? Somebody out in e-mail land sits around making stuff up for whatever reason and makes up stuff just to see how far it can go. Maybe they want to clog up the e-mail lines or what ever. You've probably gotten at least one of them. You know, "forward this to everyone you know and Microsoft will send you a check for thousands of dollars." Or, "Poor Penny has been kidnapped, please watch out for her." If you check it out, Penny is a photo of someone who's never gone missing in the first place. Microsoft doesn't send checks even if they could keep track of who sends what around the Internet. If you get an email that tells you to do something, warns you about a danger, or quotes some famous person, you can check these stories out before you waste your time or someone else's. I use Snopes:

http://www.snopes.com/

Just for fun, have a look on the left side of the page for the top legends circulating around the Internet to just how many "urban legends" are circulating around.

Stay awake to these frauds and don't get taken. If you do, don't beat yourself up, just learn from it and check things out for next time. We've all fallen for one or another of the hoaxes.

On the other hand, when you get something by email that's true, you'll be able to pass it on with confidence when you know it's right.

Exercise for the day:
Why not take a minute to do an inside check to clear out some old lie that someone told you about your own self? Don't believe the people who put you down. Don't believe the "legends" about your own limitations or weaknesses. Have a look at what your strengths are and the truth about the wonderful things you have done and want to do.

Love,
Aunt Laya

photo from Morguefile.com

Kids, Need to Talk?

Dear Reader,

There are a lot of amazing people out there who have open hearts and want to reach out to take the hand of others in need of some love and support. Here is one online place that you can find some great resources:

http://www.covenanthouse.org/nineline/index.html

They also have a hot line:
Are you or a friend looking for answers to tough questions?

Covenant House Nineline can help.

Call our hotline for advice

about anything - anywhere, anytime. 1-800-999-9999.

It's free, it's confidential, it's 24/7 and it's for you!

If you feel alone, stuck, or scared, call. It's all okay to talk about:

health

running away

suicide

feelings

abuse

relationships

family

or you can go to the forums and just read about what other people are asking about.

http://www.covenanthouse.org/nineline/index.html

If this is something you need, click on the link or pick up the phone. You are worth it.

Love,

Aunt Laya

You are NOT a Fly!

Okay people. Pay attention here. Here's a little story for you.

A fly is flying around looking for a good time. Oh! What's that? He sees something very beautiful. It smells wonderful! Ahhh... the fly lands on it. But, alas! He has landed on very sticky fly paper. He can't move. He dies!

Another fly is flying around looking for some fun. What's this?! He sees something bright and attractive. It smells divine! He sees a dead fly there, but, no matter. He lands. And... alas! He can not move. He is stuck there. He dies.

A third fly, bored to tears, looking for something exciting passes by the scene. He sees the beautiful color, he smells the beautiful smell. HE SEES THE DEAD FLIES! No matter. He lands anyway, it could never happen to him, right? Wrong. He gets stuck, can't move, and dies.

Moral of the story: YOU ARE NOT A FLY! You have a brain! You do not need to learn EVERYTHING the hard way. You can learn from other people's experience, both the good stuff and mistakes to avoid. Now, it's true you have to learn some things the hard way. So as long as you grow and learn, that's okay, go on from there. But you do not have to reinvent the wheel.

You may not BE a fly, but you can, in your own way, take wing and let your spirit fly.

Blessing of the day: May see your own greatness and take wing to do the good only you can do in your own way in this world. And may you shine and be all that only you can be!

Love,
Aunt Laya

Please feel free to reprint this story just as it is and please include this:

(c) Laya Saul, 2007

www.AuntLaya.com www.AuntLaya.blogspot.com

Photo from MorgueFile.com by Scott M. Liddell

http://scott.liddell.com Thank You!

Find your focus

The heights by great men reached and kept
Were not attained by sudden flight,
But they, while their companions slept,
Were toiling upward in the night.

--Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

What is important to you, really important? Look in the direction you want to be headed and you'll find yourself heading in that direction.

Here's the twist: What's really important may not be something that anyone else will ever see or even know about! Maybe it's about overcoming depression, maybe it's about feeding the homeless, maybe it’s about living a happy life after a childhood of growing up with an alcoholic parent. Over coming challenge in a quiet, personal way, is brilliant, even if no one else ever knows! When you change something inside yourself, you are changing the world on the outside too. It could be that you have something very "out in the world" to accomplish. You know when someone is climbing up high people say "don't look down". Keep your focus. Look in the direction of your heart's desire. Keep on track with what's important in the deepest places of your heart.

Find people who inspire you.
Do not underestimate the beauty and purpose of you.
Find your focus. Stay on focus.

Love,

Aunt Laya

Photo from www.morguefile.com by Jadazie, thank you!

How full is your glass?

There are two things that I seem to always come back to when I talk about change or growth or creating the life you want to live:

Action

Perspective

You may not be able to change a given situation in life but you can change your perspective about it. You can change the way you see a situation (or relationship). You can change the way you relate to a situation (or person). You can complain about what you don't have, or be grateful for what you do have. You know this one: You can see the glass as half empty, you can see the glass as half full, or you can see the glass as overflowing. Just make sure your glass is turned up so the blessings can get in there! How you think about things will change you; and when you change you, you change everyone around you just a teeny, tiny bit. To tell you the truth, I don't even know why this works, but it does. Experiment with this. You can go from self conscious to confident and change your fortune.

Or, you may be able to do something, some teeny, tiny little bit. You may be able to take some action, no matter how small it may seem, and change the course of history. Do not underestimate the power of your words and actions. Make one more phone call, send one more email, take one more class, do one more act of kindness, reach out one more time.

SECRET REVEALED:

Are you ready for this? If your intention (I repeat intention) when you are shifting your perspective or taking action, is to uplift and nurture yourself and others, you'll add an even greater degree of power to it.

"Intention is when the mind, with great earnestness,

and of choice, fixes its view on any idea."

--Locke

The teeny, tiny, itty, bitty little bit of change you create today, whether it's in the way you see things or the way you do things, will, over time, make a big difference in your life.

EXPERIMENT OF THE WEEK: Notice each time you have an opportunity to thank someone, then do it. (Even if you paid for a service, say "thank you.") Notice anything different?

Love,

Aunt Laya