Staying connected

Welcome to all the mom's from Ellen's Online Parenting Retreat. If you're here to sign up for my e-newsletter please just click here and I'll be happy to stay in touch with you! And if you're a regular and you didn't know about the e-newsletter (or ezine), it would be great to connect with you that way too!

Quote for the day:

"The greatest problem of communication 

is the illusion that it has been accomplished."

~George Bernard Shaw

Love,

Aunt Laya

Online Parenting Retreat for Moms

I'm really excited to share that later this month I'm presenting at an online event for moms. And you can attend any or all of the workshops for free, or, you can sign up and receive a whole bunch of bonuses, recordings of every single workshop (and transcripts if reading is easier) and chances to to win spa products!

Click here to view more details

Not only am I presenting one of the workshops, I plan on attending, the list of speakers and topics is awesome! I'd love to hear from you if you will be at my workshop (not all the presenters are up on the website yet, so if you don't see me, don't worry).  

My workshop will be Thursday night, May 27 at 11 PM EST. 

But you don't have to leave home to connect. It's all online. Please be sure to write down the information about my workshop and make sure you "translate" the time into your correct time zone so you can be there with me live!


Here's my workshop info:

“Transforming Tough Times into Triumph“

~Real tools you can use right now~

Your Host: Laya Saul, author of the award winning, inspirational book,

“You Don’t Have to Learn Everything the Hard Way”

“If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” Everyone has challenges in life but just because things feel hard now doesn’t mean you are stuck. “Aunt” Laya will show you how to get unstuck and move into healing, comfort, and joy. This workshop is not theory; it is practical information and useful tools you can start using right now!

• Learn the two keys to the power of transformation
• Easy to use tools to shift from bummed to brilliant
• Simple “how to” to use mind, body, and emotions to lift your spirits

Click here to view more details

I hope to "see" you there!

Love,

Aunt Laya

Life on Fire

Did you see the movie Avatar? 


Remember the scene where the main character, Jake Sully, goes from his paralyzed, wheelchair-bound body, into a healthy, strong Navi body and walks for the first time? Remember the overwhelming joy he showed as he moved his legs, stood up, stumbled, walked and then ran? 


What if we felt that kind of joy every single morning when we wake up?  Like, "Whoa, look at this body I'm in... I can see, I can smell, I can move, I can taste..."  Even as we stumble about, a flood of gratitude and delight every morning at another day--the miracle of life--the gift of life--the gift of more time. Even when facing trials and tribulations, it's a gift to be able to take the challenge.


Living up to your potential is not about "accomplishing". Being the best you is not about being perfect. Success in life is not measured by what you produce. Think about the people you love the most in your life. You don't love them based on how much money they  make, how much they weigh, what grades they got in school or if they even went to school!


What are the qualities of the people you love the most? Are they kind? Generous? Gentle? Strong? What if you let yourself take an inventory of the positive qualities you have? What if, when you wake up each morning, you allow yourself to see what is right and good in your life? Then, even just a little bit at a time, beyond pain, beyond fear, and beyond doubt, let those gifts lift you. 

Experiment with this simple yet powerful mental shift and let me know how it goes.
Love,
Laya

Thanks to Clarita via Morguefile.com

When the Past Haunts You

Someone asked this question, we all have to deal with the past so here's my response...

Q:

Why does the past always have to come back and make you suffer in the present? Is the past always going to be coming back to you? Does your past always haunt you for the rest of your life? Will your past ever stay in the past?

A:

Sweet Girl,

These are such big questions. There are several layers to all of this.

First of all, all of life has purpose and meaning. Sometimes we get the wrong idea that we’re supposed to live happily ever after. We are supposed to enjoy the gift of life, but it’s not like in the movies—like you solve one challenge and then you’re free to have fun. We do get fun, but we’ll always have the next test too. It’s just part of what makes up this crazy and wonderful life. We’re supposed to grow, and the tests we come up against actually shape us to be better and better. The issue is the way we meet the tests. But then, you knew this, right? ☺

There are different ways the past comes into the present. If it is through the memory of past events, you can change your thinking to leave the past in the past. There are different ways to do this—it could be that time heals it or it could be that you learn how to release memories that don’t serve you.

If you find that the past is repeating, then you have a whole other challenge to find out what is going on: what do you need to learn? Here’s a little example: let’s say someone puts a raw egg on the table and it rolls off, falls on the floor, and then breaks. If she keeps putting another egg in the same place, it will always roll off. She has to learn that she either needs to put the egg in something that won’t roll, or put the egg somewhere else. Lessons will keep repeating until we change. We have to change the way we react to things.

The thing about bad memories of the past is that you can actually change the way you relate to them. You can send the images that haunt you in your mind’s eye away when they come up, or you can take the you that is in that memory and make that younger part of you safe right now. Do not under estimate the power of imagination.

Be gentle with yourself and be sure you are surrounding yourself with kindness and strong boundaries. This too shall pass as you grow in life experience. We all fall on our faces and then we just have to get up one more time. I know you’ll rise! Big, big hugs!

Love,

Aunt Laya

read this!

Freedom to Choose

This is an **amazing** video about a program called "Freedom to Choose" that was brought to a maximum security prison for women by the University of Santa Monica. The story speaks for itself. I hope you'll be as inspired as I am. 

Click here to watch 

or copy and past this link

http://vimeo.com/1361424

love,
Aunt Laya

The Butterfly Effect: You Matter

Have you heard of the "Butterfly Effect"? It's a theory, or a law of nature, that suggests if a butterfly flaps its wings in one part of the world, that a tornado could come of it in another part of the world. That means, you have no idea what small thing you'll do will change the face of history. You matter, and everything you do matters! I enjoyed this (three part) video and hope you do too.
Love,
Aunt Laya

More of the good in life

You've got to accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
And latch on to the affirmative
Don't mess with Mister In-Between

You've got to spread joy up to the maximum
Bring gloom down to the minimum
Have faith or pandemonium's
Liable to walk upon the scene

To illustrate my last remark
Jonah in the whale, Noah in the ark
What did they do just when everything looked so dark?

(Man, they said "We'd better accentuate the positive")
("Eliminate the negative")
("And latch on to the affirmative")
Don't mess with Mister In-Between (No!)
Don't mess with Mister In-Between

(Ya got to spread joy up to the maximum)
(Bring gloom down to the minimum)
(Have faith or pandemonium's)
(Liable to walk upon the scene)

You got to ac (yes, yes) -cent-tchu-ate the positive
Eliminate (yes, yes) the negative
And latch (yes, yes) on to the affirmative
Don't mess with Mister In-Between
No, don't mess with Mister In-Between

Love,

Aunt Laya

No Shame

You may know that I am a fan of PostSecret. 

This was one of the secrets this week and it really speaks to me.   

We are all going to fall on our faces and make mistakes. 

You can't be in this world an not make a mistake.

But did you know that you can also mend? 

 

You don't have to mend perfectly, just mend a little corner of the world. 

Pick up a piece of trash. 

Feed someone who is hungry. 

Give someone a job if you can. 

Smile. 

Give ten minutes to help someone. 

Speak kindly of your own self. 

Instead of being defensive, respond with kindness when you know someone else is hurting.

One of the things that struck me about the movie Shindler's List was at the end when Oscar Shindler cried because he realized he could have sold his gold pin to save one more life. I decided I want to get to the end of my life as best I can doing the most good that I can. I don't want to cry at the end for what I could have done but didn't.

NO ONE CAN DO IT ALL. 

We're only supposed to do our part. 

Is there something that comes to mind for you that is the right thing to do?

No regrets.

Love,

Aunt Laya

    

It's OK to ask for HELP

Everyone, but everyone, in this life has challenges. There is no life without hardship. No matter how "perfect" you think someone is, they have hardship.


It's true that some people seem to have it harder than others--no question. But it's also true that no matter how hard you have it, someone else has survived what you're going through and is waiting for to help you through.  
Really, that's true!



If you feel like the pain in your life just never seems to end, ask for help. You can get through to the other side of the pain and shine in ways you can't even imagine right now.



There are a bunch of places listed in the resources section of my website here that you can call or visit online.

You are never alone. 

Please reach out if you need help. 

Your shining, precious soul matters in this world.

With love and blessings and prayers for your complete well being,
Aunt Laya

Heck Yeah!

Heck Yeah!!!

In this age of flash and dash, how do you make the decision about what to let in, what to do, what to choose, and what to let go? I just learned a great way to do the measuring inside yourself. When you come across something, anything in life, and inside of you (your guts, heart, mind, thoughts, intuition) says "Heck Yeah!" that's a good sign. Go for it. I'm not talking about the little voice that says "eat that extra piece of cake" I'm talking about the part of you that runs deep and the part of you that rises high. 

If you don't get a "Heck Yeah!" 

then that means it's a "Heck No!" 

When you do what's right for you, it means  you can do more of what you need and really, truly want to be doing. This is all measured from your values; we're not talking about ego.

We all sometimes operate from a place of fear. Sometimes you don't want to leave what is familiar or certain. It's scary. So be certain you're listening deeply inside yourself to make sure you're not rationalizing ("rational lies"). Go for what lights you up because then you'll be really singing the song and dancing the dance you're here in this world for.

There is no need to play small here folks. Go for the gold in life. Go for the "Heck Yeah!"

Experiment and explore this and see what happens.

Love,

Aunt Laya

How great is your mind?

“Great minds discuss ideas; 

Average minds discuss events; 

Small minds discuss people.” 

~Eleanor Roosevelt

Need some ideas to talk about? 

How about a list of questions to ask when you're with your friends and family?

• What inspires you to be your best?
• What do you do to get over disappointment?
• What makes you feel successful?
• If you could give the world a gift, what would it be?
• Have you learned tools to manage anger? What are they?
• Is there something you thought was impossible but then you accomplished it? What would you share with someone else who's struggling?
• What is the last book you read and what did you love about it? Was there an idea that you would challenge? 
• What is your favorite quote, and why?
• Name one or two of the kindest things people have done for you.
• What gives your life meaning?

 Expand your great mind!
(Please leave a comment below to add to the list.)

Love,

Aunt Laya 

Confident. Not mousy, not cocky. Confident.

Confident. Not mousy, not cocky. Confident. 

 In Balance!!!

Walk through this life and know that you are precious; you have great value! Not more precious than anyone else, and not less precious than anyone else either.

Life is not about what you accomplish. It is not about how you look or who you're friends with. It is about who you are; you know the "human being," not the "human doing."

When people think too much of themselves 

or too little of themselves, 

it is the same ego problem. 

 Modesty or humility, means that you know who you are, both in your glory and in your simpleness. If you think you're terrible, ugly, shameful, useless, then you have an ego problem. If you think you are better, higher, or more valuable, you have an ego problem. The test here is to understand how very precious you are. And to see how precious other people are too.

I do not want people to sink into despair this holiday season. I want you to understand how loved and lovable you are. You may not see it now, but keep your eyes open and keep your heart open. If you don't feel lovable, are you loving others? Will you let in the love others have for you? Poor is not better than rich, pretty is not better than plain, and no one knows what is really going on in the heart of another. So you have choices. You can choose joy, you can reach out to ask for help, you can reach out to give support, you can wallow in self-pity, you can take one more step, you can find a safe place to rest for a while, you can ask for what you need or... what?

Be kind to others and give yourself the same gift: Be kind to yourself! This is called giving the benefit of the doubt. Do you need ideas about how to do this? Leave comments if you want ideas or if you have ideas to share. You can comment anonymously or email me through my website for privacy.

Blessing of the day: May you see the best in yourself and continue to grow in beautiful ways. May you find gratitude in each day. May you look for and find what is good in yourself and in others.

You can do this!

Love,

Aunt Laya

Thanks to Morguefile.com and (taliesin) Mary R. Vogt for the photo.

(for more photos by Mary, have a look at my video 

where I used a whole bunch of her photos)

Gift for the Holidays?

This is still a good gift for yourself or for giving!

Love,

Aunt Laya

Feeling Sorry for Yourself?

Step into the change that you want for yourself.  

Be that which you want to bring into this world.

One man rising for himself becomes the inspiration for another man to change the face of his nation. This isn't about drama, this is about taking one step at a time to realize and become who you can be--whether you do it quietly for yourself or your family, or whether you do it in a big way. It all matters. You matter.  You can be who you are meant to be. One breath at a time, one step at a time, one day at a time. Tears, heart, dissappointments, failures, triumphs.

I hope the following story inspires you as it did me.
(If it's hard to see well on the blog, here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k19OECv0TbQ)

Love,
Aunt Laya

Transformng Jealously

From a reader:

“When you are jealous of someone else, you don't have what they have, but you also don't have what you have.”

I have thought about this quote for some weeks now. I struggle with jealousy and I was wondering if you could illuminate on this idea of not having what you have...
I wish it was something I could internalize better.
Thank you and love the blog and the book!
N 

~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear N, 
Thanks for writing, you're not the only one who struggles with this. Here are some more thoughts about jealousy and how to change your thoughts in a more useful and building direction. As always, take what ever parts of these thoughts that work for you and integrate at your own pace.  It doesn't have to happen all at once. That you have the will to grow means that you will grow in the ways you want to.

~~~~~~~~~~~

When someone occupies their thoughts with the desire to have what someone else has, they are so focused on their lack (perceived or even real)  that they can not see, feel, or think about all that they really do have.  


Let’s look at it with an example of a life situation that could come up:
A teenager is watching the way another kid dresses in the latest, trendy, very expensive clothing. She is jealous that she doesn’t have those same outfits. Her whole world is about lack. It’s a dismal point of view.


If she were to notice what she does have, two things can happen. One is a sense of contentment and even gratitude. It could be that she lives in a wonderful home, has loving friends and family, and even has clothing that she likes, etc. The second thing is that she might allow herself to tap into her dreams or yearnings and become inspired.


If you feel jealous there is a chance to transform that feeling--intentionally change the thoughts--to thoughts of inspiration.  When you feel the feelings of jealousy rising up inside you, turn those feelings to admiration and let yourself be inspired to rise, accomplish, or create in your own life. 


Worth exploring: No one knows what anyone else is going through. The one with the fancy house may be in debt like crazy and about to loose his home to foreclosure. The guy with the college degree may be lonely. “Beautiful people” may be suffering from silent depression or an illness that is hidden from your view. No one can know the whole story behind what “appears” so wonderful. 

Everyone has been lovingly created and gifted. 

(((and)))

Everyone has challenges. 

Jealousy itself is a form of despair. It’s a darkness that is not even based in reality because no one knows what is really going on within the object of their jealousy.


Transforming jealousy into inspiration
If you see someone with something that you want, imagine that yours is coming soon, that seeing the thing you desire in someone else is a sign that yours is near. In other words, you do not desire the exact thing you’re seeing--the one that he has in his hands now, you desire the version that is available to you. This can be material things, meaning “stuff,” or qualities.


Maybe people are jealous of something that is not possible for them to have for what ever reason. This world is designed so that each one of us has gifts that we are born with and a potential that we can fulfill. The gifts you receive are going to be different. Each gift is precious and no one can know the true spiritual value of the gifts we are blessed with.


The remedy for jealousy is gratitude 
If you focus on your blessings this is an invitation to increased blessings. You can heal the feelings of jealousy by saying “thank you.” Thank you for another day of life, thank you for opening the door for me, thank you for letting me merge into your lane of traffic, thank you for being such a jerk so that I can grow, be forgiving, or set better boundaries. Thank you for thinking of me. Thank you for taking the time.


Thank you to N for inspiring this post, I hope it's helpful for you.


I always love to hear from readers!
Love,
Aunt Laya

With gratitude to Morguefile.com and duilio for the photograph!

No Bull

*no bull*

Don't you just hate it when you're talking to someone, and they give you a line, and you know that what they just said was bull? Lot's of the time we know when someone is full of it.

Now we have some possible problems here:

1) You trick yourself into thinking or believing what you want to believe instead of the truth, and fall for the line

or

2) You are the one giving the line and for some reason you don't think other people have a "bull" meter for when you're not being honest

and

You actually think you've "pulled one over" on someone

the reality is

No matter how you play this one, you really tricked yourself! Yikes! That means you need to take responsibility for tapping into your own guts. It means that you have the power to discern whether what's happening or being said is true and good for you and other people or not.

Stop letting other people "pull the wool over your eyes" (that means stop letting people trick you with lies!). Stop doing it to yourself. 

Get real. This is a gift you can give yourself and the sooner you're honest with yourself, the sooner you'll live a life that is free from bull.

You can apply this to many different aspects of your life: relationships, buying and selling, business deals, or education to name some.

Honestly yours,

Aunt Laya

**No offense to the actual, furry animal. They're nice, helpful, vegetarians who don't hurt anyone. Nice bull. Mmmmmmmmmoooooooooooooo.

What gives your life meaning?

When you ask yourself the right questions, you'll get answers that will nourish you. (The opposite is true too: if you ask negative questions, your brain will rush to answer those too!)  So you are invited to take a quiet moment and ask yourself:

"So, what gives my life meaning?"

Think about the people you love, the things you enjoy, your gifts in life, what you have to give, and the things you do well. What makes you feel good about yourself?

Do you see how you touch people's lives in a loving and positive way? If this is a hard one for you, ask the people who love you what it is that you do well, or what are your best qualities.

A lot of people don't take the time to ask themselves this question, so this is a power tool for building a life that is satisfying and happier.

Remember, we're not supposed to get through life without pain. How can you give pain meaning? Ask yourself: "How can I use this pain (or challenge, or hard times, or illness, or hurt feelings) to grow?

Asking yourself these kinds of questions will help you move through the harder times in life.

Reminder of the day: You are loved and you are lovable. 

(((((Hugs))))) from me for sure!

Love,
Aunt Laya