When life doesn’t work the way you want…

When life doesn’t work the way you want…

Guess what? Your world reflects exactly what you need to GROW. It’s the Master Plan. Are people too crabby around you? Maybe you needed a reminder to be nicer. Or maybe you need to be able to set boundaries. Or, could it be that you need to change where you go or the people you hang out with? Maybe you’re tired of me saying this already but here goes: There’s no one right answer.

Life is a puzzle, and it’s up to you to put the pieces of YOUR puzzle together. Sometimes other people can help you out with suggestions that are right on and work for you. Ultimately though, it’s up to you to make the pieces of the puzzle fit together. Guess what else? Sometimes there is more than one kind of puzzle. Lots of times there is more than one way to solve a puzzle. I play a game on the internet called Quiddler (www.setgame.com). When I check the previous day’s puzzle solution, it isn’t usually the way I solved it—if I solved it at all! Sometimes I play Spider Solitaire on the computer. If I can’t finish a game, I start it over and play the same set of cards differently. Most of the time, I can win by doing things differently. If I am researching something online and don’t get the answer I want, I put different key words into my browser until I find the answer I’m looking for.

Which reminds me: The definition of “insanity” is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. If something in your life isn’t working, try doing things differently.

Exercise for the day: Go to one of my favorite game sites and play a game that makes your brain stretch in new ways. www.SetGame.com has a game called “Set” (plus others) and www.Blokus.com has a game called, well, Blokus. Then have a look at some place in your life that you’d like different results and try something different.

Come visit me again! I have more to say on this another time.
Love,
Aunt Laya

My magic wand’s not working!

Got pain?

There’s not an easy answer for how to deal with pain. It’s one of those times when I wish my magic wand would work the way I want so I could make everything okay. But since it doesn’t maybe I can help you look for ways to navigate the waters of this challenge. This isn’t all there is to it, but it’s a place to start.

First lesson:
If you’re alive, you get pain. It’s simply the way this world is wired. And there’s nothing anyone of us can do to change it.

Second lesson:
It WILL pass! It will pass. This too shall pass. Keep the faith, it really will pass. Keep reading.

Third lesson:
Use pain to grow (grow emotionally, in health, mentally, spiritually). Life’s not easy; it’s not meant to be. You really can use what’s happening as a spring board to move you forward. (You know, like when you jump off a diving board: You take a running start and jump in!) When you are going through something painful in life, it’s a time to tap into your personal power, connect when you need to, make changes where you need to, and heal (which takes time and tender loving care). Our pain teaches us; it has value.

Fourth lesson:
Where you are is not where you’ll wind up. Sometimes life puts you “on trial.” You are tested, molded, sharpened, and polished. When you feel low it might be hard to remember... but things will change and you will grow. You will come through this and life will cycle into joyful times. You don’t have to rush this part. Sometimes you can make a choice about the way you see things to make changes. Sometimes there are things that just need to be grieved. It’s different for every situation, so there’s no formula, but if you give yourself the time and set up the support you need for any situation, things will change for you.

Fifth lesson:
Take care of yourself. Love yourself enough to nurture yourself and accept the love that the people who care about you have to give. Healing is being in touch with the place inside that hurts and allowing love and comfort in to that place.

***
Sometimes there’s nothing you can do about a situation that’s causing you pain—it might all be outside of you. On the other hand, most of the time there are things you can do about the way you deal with the situation, even if they seem small at first. One thing is to change the way you think about things. When you change the way you think about things, it changes the way you feel about things. Sometimes you can DO something different to change the way you feel or think (sometimes called “fake it ‘til you make it”). And you can also change what you DO about any situation. You can change your attitude and if need be, you can change your address. Or you can grieve if you need to grieve. It depends on the kind of pain and the source of it. You have to decide what fits for you and when.

***
Sometimes, it’s more about how you are with yourself than what you do. No matter what, be kind to yourself (and be kind to others). Ask for help when you need to. It’s okay to ask for help.

Remember, you are not alone.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Believe in yourself!

"You are a good person, that is the truth about you. It's good to remember that good people make mistakes. When you find you have made a mistake, do what you can to correct, repair, or heal and go on from there. You are not your mistakes. you are something wonderful, a masterpiece of the Creator." --Laya Saul

(From "You Don't Have to Learn Everything the Hard Way--What I Wish Someone Had Told Me")

Love,
Aunt Laya

Write a "love note"

Short simple activity for the day (what ever day you're reading this!): Love notes are one of my favorite things to send out into the world. It only takes a minute (we're talking note here, not a long letter). You can write a love note to anyone: parents, children, grandparents, friends, friends you've been out of touch with for a while, someone going through a hard time, someone who did you a favor...

A love note doesn't have to be mushy. It can even be a simple thank you note to someone that helped you out or touched you in some way.

Love notes in five easy steps:
1. Get a paper
2. Get a pen or pencil
3. Focus your heart's intention
4. Write something simple (see examples below)
5. Give it away to the person you wrote it for

Examples of what you can write:

• I love you so much
• I really appreciate having you in my life
• You're such a great friend
• I'm so proud of you
• You're doing great
• Here's a little hug for you, with love
• Thank you for being you
• You're the best

You get the idea. If you're still stuck, let me know.
You can do this.
On your mark...
Get set...
GO!
Love,
Aunt Laya
P.S. An unexpected piece of candy with a kind word can work too.

Gossip anyone?

Who hasn't been stung by the sharp words of another? Worse than that, who hasn't said words that pierce the heart of another? How you talk, or do not talk, about others impacts every relationship you have, even your relationship with yourself.

When you gossip, you say more about yourself than you do about anyone else!

If I could only pass on one tip to improve people's lives, this might just be the one. Gossip is not a fun way to pass the time. It is not kind. It is not harmless.

• When you talk about someone else you can harm them. Also, you do not allow for the growth and improvement of the person being talked about.
  
• You hurt yourself and the listener too. Gossip is an ugly thing.
  
• Understand that if something about another person is true, it is still gossip. Even if you would say it to the person directly, it is still gossip.

Listening to gossip is the other side of the coin and is damaging too. (tips on avoiding listening to gossip to come…)

Quote for the day: "Believe nothing against another but on good authority; nor report what may hurt another, unless it be a greater hurt to conceal it." --William Penn

Experiment: Pick one person in your life, a parent, sibling, spouse, child, friend, boss, co-worker or fellow student, and stop talking about or listening to gossip about that person. To make this really work, stick with this over time. How does your relationship change? How do your feelings about yourself change? This is not an easy experiment but it will change your world in unimaginable ways. It may be one of the greatest gifts you give yourself.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Exerpts from today's post come from the book "You Don't Have to Learn Everything the Hard Way" reprinted by permission of the author, me! Also, with gratitude for the use of this photo to my friend Mario at Soap Vision, where they have the coolest soaps ever. http://www.soapvision.com

What’s the difference?

Are you into world peace? How can you make a difference? Start in on your own doorstep.

Exercise for the day: When you are with someone who usually makes you feel impatient, be patient. (Keep breathing.)

Be patient with yourself too.

Love,
Aunt Laya

You ARE what you DO!

There is a story of a king who longed to marry a very beautiful and beloved princess. His advisors told him she'd never have him; he was far too ruthless and cunning. Ah, but he had a plan. He put on a mask that could fool the princess and he acted wise and compassionate, generous and kind--a way that would cause the princess to love and marry the king. And so she did.

After years of marriage to the princess, one of the king's old advisors threatened the king that he would reveal the truth about him unless he paid a handsome sum of riches. The king would not stand for being blackmailed, so he decided to tell his wife, the queen, the truth. Before he went to her, he took off the mask. Lo, there was no difference between the façade and what lay beneath! He had become that which he pretended to be all those years.

Question: What are the character traits that you want for yourself?

Act as if and it will be so!

Love,
Aunt Laya

Check out the Truth

THE TRUTH

because you matter!

If you want to have a little fun go see
www.ShardsOGlass.com

If you want to know the truth go to
www.TheTruth.com

Be well.

Love,

Aunt Laya

Ever had a meltdown?!

MELTDOWN

MELTDOWN
MELTDown
meltdown
meltdown

meltdown

.....

...

..

.

Ever have one of these? Yes? You must be a normal person then. It's a big drag to get to that place. One of the ways you can prevent it is by shifting your expectations. Another way you can help yourself is to ASK FOR HELP. It's okay to ask for help, it really is. Another way is to let go of your idea of how something should go. Can you take yourself a "time out?" Can you add something to make the scene funny for you?

Remember in the Harry Potter story when the students were taught to take the thing that's the scariest for them and make it funny? Guess what? That's a technique in a form of therapy called NLP and it really works.

Put that in your "toolbox" of coping skills and take it out when ever you need it.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Who or what do you blame?

The traffic? Your mother? Your age? Your school? The president? The weather? The town you live in? Your religion? God?

If you didn't blame anyone else, how would you do your life differently?

What's one small thing you can do that will help you be who you want to be? Or one small thing that will help you realize a dream?

It's all in your hands.

Love,
Aunt Laya

The fruits of your growth

An apple tree blossoms in spring. It's a big investment. The tree must have enough rain, sun, and water. If the conditions are right, the blossoms will turn into sweet, crisp apples. But the process will take months. The tree must grow at its own pace; the fruits ripen in their own time. You just can’t push or pull those blossoms to grow faster.

It's like that for each one of us. You need to invest in yourself and trust that with your efforts, you will blossom. And the blossoms will turn into wonderful fruit! It doesn't happen all at once but it does happen. And if for some reason, a season doesn't turn out like you want, that's okay... Every year is another season of spring! Be patient (with yourself and others), the flowers will bear fruit.

Thought for the day: You are not a tree, you can get up and move if you’re in a place where conditions are not safe or healthy for you.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Not JUST a test

Most things that bug you are a test. Not JUST a test, but a test to help you grow. If life is a game, how do you get to the next level? Tag! You're it!

(see previous post)

love,
Aunt Laya

Tag! You're it!

"I've always been the opposite of a paranoid. I operate as if everyone is part of a plot to enhance my well-being." -- Stan Dale

What if EVERYTHING that happens to you is designed to improve you? What if the things that look like obstacles are about giving you a boost? What if whacking your head on an open cupboard door is about waking you up to your own thoughts? What if you could find something funny about things that usually get you bummed?

When I was actively studying karate, I learned a great lesson from a friend who was a black belt. He taught me to think of sparring as a game of tag. If your opponent gets in a hit, he did you a favor by showing you where you were open. If you get mad, you lose your clarity and balance, but if you say “thanks” you get stronger and more aware. It doesn't mean you leave yourself open for getting hit on purpose! It means when you do get hit you allow it to help you improve and get better.

You can see all of life as this “game of tag”. Have a sense of humor. It’s all about growing into the best you ever. You can do this!

Love,
Aunt Laya

Say Cheese! ;-)

You can change the world with your smile!

You must know the story about the toll booth guy who was feeing so sad and invisible until one day he was greeted with a great smile. He felt so good that he passed it to the next driver, who passed it along, who passed it along…

There’s a children’s picture book called “I like your buttons” which has the same kind of message. A child tells her teacher that she likes the buttons on her blouse. The teacher passes the compliment on until it reaches the little girls father—who then brings the little girl a kitten because he’s feeling so happy.

Don’t underestimate the power of your smile.

Experiment for the day: Smile sincerely or give a sincere compliment to several people during your day. Try this with lots of people (like someone who helps you at the store, a waiter, someone at the bank, etc.), and also with people who you are close to (like your parents or kids, close friends, even neighbors). Let the kindness go like a helium balloon you’d release into the sky. How do YOU feel at the end of the day?

Love,
Aunt Laya

Start Over

"Start over" means that even if you made a mistake or made a choice that didn't have the outcome you wanted, you can start over. Right now. Just start over. And you can start over any moment that you need to. You still have to deal with the consequences of a not-so-great decision or action or whatever. So? So, that's okay, deal with it, move on, and take the next step. You’re a little bit wiser and you know what you want a little more clearly.

This is a photo of a blossoming walnut tree. It's starting over after a dormant winter of bare branches. It will take the whole summer for the walnuts to grow and ripen until they are ready to eat near the fall.

Blessing of the day: Start over where you need to and enjoy the miracles that surprise you along the way.

Love,
Aunt Laya

Do you believe in miracles?

The invariable mark of wisdom is to see the miraculous in the common. --Ralph Waldo Emerson

Where I live there are signs of spring everywhere. The walnut and fig (photo) trees I can see are giving birth to tiny bits of green life through bear, brown branches. Just have a look at each new moon, which starts fresh as a tiny sliver each month and renews itself into a full celebration of time and opportunity.

If “you see what you look for” and you look for miracles, then what are the miracles you notice? Where is the opportunity to renew—or recreate—in your life, right now?

The miracles of nature do not seem miraculous because they are so common. If no one had ever seen a flower, even a dandelion would be the most startling event in the world. --Author unknown


Blessing for the day: May your eyes be open to the small miracles of each day and may your heart be open to the big ones.

Love, Aunt Laya

True colors

Have you ever spent any time watching peacocks? They are so beautiful and so majestic. But they get a bum rap. When someone is walking around all conceited, people sometimes use the expression, “he’s strutting like a peacock.” I think peacocks are very modest birds though. They are beautiful to be sure. The males are programmed to attract the females for mating but it’s not about ego.

Ego is about people having inflated feelings of superiority. On the other hand, ego can go out of balance the other way when people feel inferior or not good enough. Being in balance is not feeling superior or inferior. Everybody has areas of talent and areas of weakness. How do you value the rose over the orchid or the daisy over the daffodil? The peacock is bluer than an elephant, and elephant is stronger than a fox, a fox is craftier than a frog, and frog jumps farther than an oyster (who doesn’t jump at all), which produces pearls from its challenges.

The ballerina dances and pays the shoemaker for her shoes. The shoemaker needs the truck driver to deliver supplies. The truck driver buys his food from the farmer, who buys his clothes… we humans rely on each other for entertainment, food, shelter, clothes, beauty, strength, comfort.

Truth of the day: Who ever you are, what ever you do, you are a gift to this world!
Blessing of the day: Shine your true colors in the way that only you can do.

Do you want to know a secret?

Your secret is your prisoner; if you reveal it, you will become its prisoner.
(Mivchar HaPenimim 29:6)

I recently saw this quote on another blog.

The next time I went blog-hopping, I found this: http://www.postsecret.blogspot.com/
The (not G rated) art blog where people send in post cards sharing their secret. There can be healing when people know that everyone else has a secret, private place with thoughts they don't want to share with anyone else. PostSecret blog is the place where people can keep their secret "prisoner" and let it out all at the same time.

Another reason I wanted to post the link to PostSecret is because there is link to Hope Line (http://www.hopeline.com/) for people who are thinking about trying to end their pain through suicide. Maybe if people know what other people are holding inside they won't feel as alone. Maybe if people will call 1-800-Suicide (784-2433) they will also know that they are not alone. There are real ways to step out of pain, and there are guides to help you find the way.

Sometimes it's a good thing to share a secret. When my friend told me she had cancer, I could do more for her. Sometimes it's not good to share a secret. Like the quote above, things can come back to hurt you. There are safe places to share secrets and get help. There are lots of wonderful resources. There are lots of people in this world who want to be there for someone in need.

In searching for places that I could connect, share links, network for my own book (which I hope can be a friend to people), I was in awe after just an hour of looking around at just how many wonderful websites there are that reach out to teens and everyone.

Advice for the day: If you need a hand, reach out and ask for help. There will be someone there reaching back.

Blessing for the day: May you always feel the warmth from the Spark of Creation that lives within you.